I am a two year survivor of a stage 4 gentic autoimmune liver disease. Although I am stable and in "good" health. I suffer from abdominal and muscular pain- rhumatoid arthritis and side effects from diabetes and Hashimotos thyroid disease. It's a lot- but it's manageable and I'm living very well with chronic disease.
Before I was diagnosed- I was a high energy non-stop person. I didn't stop working until I had finished every last "to-do" on my list. I didn't have unfinished projects in my home and I always cleaned up after everyone else. I rarely slept!
Now, I still do that, but I'm a little slower. My body hurts during and afterwards.I also have a different kind of urgency that I didn't realize I had until my husband called me out the other day.
Husband: "Go lay down! You have to stop lifting and moving and you need to just rest."
Me: "I can't rest. I have so much to do."
Husband: "You'll get it done later."
Then my fear hit me smack in the face: What if I'm not here later? Who is going to do it?
Now listen, I plan to be around for many years. The reality is, I am here now, but the fear of death and my family losing me, however deeply hidden, is real.
How do you deal with your reality and fears?