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I discovered I have stage 4 SCLC about 3 months ago, Dec of 2016. I was told without treatment I would have approx. 2 to 4 months to live. With treatment I could live up to a year and if really lucky I could live as much as 2 years. This devastated me! I have always had a strong faith in the Lord and so does most all of my family and many of my friends. However when it has come to my cancer I seem to want to rely on facts and not faith. I have gone through depression, which some of you here on this site have helped me with greatly, but now I realize I have had trouble believing in some of my own words. I have said "I know God can heal me if He wants." I had some in my family , who I have since talked to, want to only talk about a healing or an overcoming of this cancer and me living for years. I needed them to see my side of things and acknowledge the possibility that I could die. It has not been until today after a conversation with my mom that it really hit me that I am currently unable to acknowledge the possibility that I could live. Here is, I believe, my problem. When I was told I had cancer it hit me and my family hard, especially when we just lost my father a year and a half ago and he too had cancer. We knew he was dying of emphysema already when they discovered his body was covered in cancer. He died a week later. I was able to accept his death fairly easy because there was no hope of him living. In the same manor I can more easily accept my own "inevitable" death from cancer if I don't start, in my own words, "messing around with the idea of hope of being cured or healed." I feel like if I entertain those ideas and I am wrong then I will be devastated again. To me death is less scary then the depression I have gone through and am just now getting out of. The last thing I want to do is to go through it again. I also do not want to give my kids a false hope only to see them go through the devastation of it being wrong. I'm not real sure what to do or how to deal with this right now. I feel better just getting this out but if you have any suggestions those might come in real handy too.
