Emily

Greetings from a Newbie... Becoming anxious

2 posts in this topic

Hi All,

On July 31st I will have my first set of scans following 3 txs of Pembro+Pemetrexed+Carboplatin, preceded by Gamma Knife to 14 more METS than expected in my brain, for NSCLC stage 4. I'm surrounded by loving and supportive family and friends and life partner, Marc, but for the first time, despite not feeling any negative side effects from tx, I'm beginning to feel frightened that the tx may not have shrunk any of the tumors...  I have been able to function fairly well psychologically, but the reality of the upcoming scans and consult are beginning to hit.  I'm sure everyone has experienced this. Nonetheless, it is daunting. If anyone has words of wisdom about this part of the journey, I'd be most grateful.  The results will determine the answers to many decisions I need to make related to my continuing work, continuing studies and how I choose to create meaning and use my time well.  Staying in the now becomes harder as August first approaches.  Thanks, All.

Emily

Edited by Emily
wrong date/month.chemo-brain :-)?

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Emily,

Waiting for scans, then results, then consults, always waiting with a deep foreboding, that kind of sums up my entire treatment experience.  As a community, we call this symptom scanxiety.  I call it Scanziety and wrote a book about it.  I liked the photos you posted by the way.

So where do we start.  We have a lot in common.  I grew up in the suburbs of Philly, sailed a lot in my younger days, suffered a lung cancer diagnosis, had Carboplatin (18 times) as one of my chemo pairings, and achieved a NED (no evidence of disease) state after a CyberKnife radiation procedure.  And I'm alive, and I say most emphatically, if I can live, so can you.

Words of wisdom?  Stay in the day; look for a little piece of joy everyday, and then revel in it.  Tomorrow will take care of itself and will happen on its own accord.  You have no ability to control tomorrow, or any outcome for that matter, so why try?  You don't need to make decisions about the future today.  You may tomorrow or next week, or next month, or never. So on the day required, make the decision then quickly go back to joy.  

I decided I wasn't going to let lung cancer take over my life.  I found I had the power to make and abide by that decision. 

Stay the course.

Tom

BridgetO, Emily and Steff like this

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