Hi Brian,
Welcome! I am a 5+ year survivor that has been in treatment for close to 5 years now. I was 39 when I was diagnosed at stage IIIa. I had my left lung removed, radiation to my chest, 3 drug chemo cocktail, & participated in a drug trial with the drug IRESSA.
I was cancer free after my lung removal until 2 years later when 2 bone mets popped up. For the last 2 consecutive years I have had 1 bone met pop up. For the last 3+ years I have been taking Avastin and Tarceva. I just found out that the Avastin is starting to constrict the blood vessels in my brain and causing problems. I am sure I will be discussing the next treatment plan for me in the next few weeks with my doc.
I can relate to so many levels that you have discussed. I have really struggled with anger piece. I eventually saw a counselor to learn how to live with it. I can't say I never get angry about it anymore, but I can say that I have learned not to let it control my life. I can acknowledge the anger and then let it go and move on. Eventually I realized that it wastes way too much energy to be angry all of the time.
I am no longer working and have been on disability. I attempted to return to work about 3 months after my surgery (part time) and I couldn't keep up. I loved my job and to admit that I didn't have the energy, brainpower, or concentration was a really big blow. I had defined myself by my job and suddenly I was no longer that person. Looking back it was the best thing for me. I was able to keep myself healthy and able to concentrate on living life - no matter what was thrown at me. Believe me you can find things to do other than work!
Hang in there Brian. You are not alone. You can handle whatever has been thrown at you. You're a survivor.
All my best,
Wendy