lukiss

My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 small cell lung cancer, with it METS to the adrenal glands and the lymph nodes... Well that will be 2 years in august and guess who is still fighting and literally kicking. My dad is beyond stubborn and has cancer in alot of places and is still here... He has never let anyone tell him what he didnt want to hear.. SO keep your head up. There are some people that make it alot longer than they diagnose... lukiss

i would love to put a pic up, am having trouble can anyone tell me, i guess the size is the probelm?

im sorry that you are going through all this sorrow and pain, I know how it is, and it makes life unreal at times.... hang in there though... lukiss

Hello all.... I have wanted to write so many times, but have been so drained... Dad is still in the hospital and now as pretty bad superior vena cava syndrome. They weont radiate on it because they have already done that twice. They say " it will take along time for him to die from that" He is really swollen though, and uncomfortable though. I wish I could give him some kind of releif. I have been visiting him everyday. The hospital is 1 hour and a half away. But today I needed a break. So, I have been reallly depressed. He is having these wierd episodes that when he coughs, he starts to shake and tremble like crazy. Falling etc. He says he sees things when they happen, colors and trees. Yesterday one lasted 50 seconds, very scary. They dont seem too concerned about finding a cause etc, because they look at all as a lost cause.. I hate that, he is a person, dont they know that...? anyways the hardest part of this week was that they want to send him home because they feel like there is nothing they are offering him. He lives alone, only a few blocks away, he wont come here, and I cant move in there, because he smokes sooo much , and with my son, he cant be around it. So the only alternative right now is a home for 2 weeks they say, he started chemo last monday again. in hopes to get the superior vena cava tumor down. I feel like I am letting him down by him going into a home. But he honestly cant even walk, and last night he went number 2 all over himself. I feel so bummed. This disease is unreal... I tell ya, Thanks for listening and thanks for all the advice. lukiss

Hello and thank you to all that responded to my other post and I know alot of you had asked what happened. I have been too drained to write, getting up everyday from a not real and short nights sleep to dealing with all with dad and then my 2 1/2 year old son got asthma and had to have breathing treatments etc. Lukes doing much better.. my dad, well last i wrote it was 6 am and i went over there and he had fallen again in the middle of the night, bumping his head again. I came home and got my son and went back over. I bathed him for the first time, shaved him for the first time and I had to dress him. its funny because i always dreaded that day and thought i would freak out, but instead i was peaceful and looked at it as a blessing and honor. while i shaved him, i just stared at him in the mirror, really looking at him and how beautiful he still is, and looking at the resemblences and it was nice. dont get me wrong it was difficult at the same time. he was getting in a lot of pain by now because of the fall. it took 2 hours to do this whole process. bless his heart, when we got to the hospital he actually asked for a wheel chair, that has never happened, but it showed me how bad he was feeling. to make a long story short, they got him in the er hours later and said his blood pressure was frightening low, and he had almost no sodium or protein. his body was actually beginning to eat his muscle. they said his chest xray showed that his whole left lung was now totally full of tumors. it was a heavy and hard night. we said alot of things to eachother that were brilliant. god why does so much love come out in such a short time, and for monthes there has been none.. i am grateful. he was admitted, and he still isnt able to eat, but this morning when i called he said he was terrible. the superior vena cava syndrome is back, now for the 3rd time, so he isnt able to get it radiated on again, so i dont know what is going to happen. he was very scared and crying so i went there and just got home stayed til they kicked me out. it really relaxed him though. so there is the update, dont know what to expect. just am grateful that i am priveledged to be a part of this process with him, instead of him being alone. one day at a time that is for sure.. thanks for all the support, it REALLY helped. lukiss

thanks for all your kind words. its 6 am now, and I got no sleep at all last night. Just cant stop crying. I know in my head i will get through it, I always do. But damn it hurts! I am not used to crying or be weak. I am used to no matter what, doing what I got to do and being strong. and today, i am not able too. i will try though. In 2 hours I am going to his house and praying he made it through the night ok. I have to help him with a bath for the first time. Then we are going to a notaray and the bank to take care of the things he has not been willing to give up control on. I understand. Then off to the dr's and then to the hospital to be admitted. I know its better for him, its just a hard reality. He is still refusing hospice because, bless his heart. He still thinks he is going to get his strenght up and get more chemo and beat this . I have learned alot about him, and one thing I am truly proud of him is he is not a qiutter, and he has really tried harder than anyone i have ever seen in my life to fight this. my son, Lukas loveeeeeeeeeeees his grandpa... just loves him. and i know that is one of the hardest parts... again thanks for all the support. we just need to make it through this long hard day. one day at a time, lukiss

I am really sad tonight. my house is quiet, my son and my husband are all cozy asleep. I just got home from dads house for the 3rd time today. I convinced him to get " help" but it feels like the last time i'm going to see him. He hasnt eaten anything solid in 3 weeks and hasnt left the bed but to go to the bathroom etc in 3 weeks. He hasnt been able to hold down any shakes or ensure now for 4 days. So I called the dr, against his wishes. He wants him to be admitted. So, I went to his house and explained to him, that he needs to go in, that he wont last very long without nutrition. He said that is depressing. So tomorrow, it will be long and sad. I miss my dad, I miss what would of and could of been with him. I never knew him when i was a child, never had a dad. a year and a half ago, he decided to be my dad and move here soon after he retired. one month later he was so ill, i took him to the er and he was diagnosed stage 4 small cell lung cancer, spread to the lymphs and adrenals. all my interactions thus far were strained, the struggle of him learning to let someone help etc. and also we were strangers. tonight, i laid next to him in his bed, i put all th pain of all these monthes of all his meaness away, and i just felt for him. i felt so much. i felt how scared he must be, and how let down he is by how is life is ending with no control over his own self. He fell tonight, trying to put a light on outside for me. He fell and busted his head open and hurt his shoulder. in a year and a half he hasnt once thanked me, which isnt why i have been doing any of this, but tonight he thanked me twice. it felt good and it hurt. i am really scared of what is next. the dr says maybe 2 weeks, my heart tells me less. i am scared of going in his house with him not on earth anymore. i am scared of going through his things, to find out what kind of a person he really was and what i may of missed out on an opportunity to of gotten to know someone without the conditions of this disease. i have been trying my hardest to get through all of this and still remaining a good wife and a good mother to my 2 and half year old. a good friend and a good daughter. but i dont know how much more i can take. and i am afraid others wont know how to fix me when i break. thanks for listening. i am sad. no matter what, he has been my father, near of far. from the moment i learned i didnt come with a father, he was my father. i will always love John Allgood, I will always want to be his little girl. that doesnt go away. Thanks, lukiss

thanks everyone... well i went over today to find covers off of him, that I am so glad about because he has been freezing lately. he has just started taking tylenol and swares its helping him feel warm.. he says he is having a " twilight zone" feeling when he coughs, i asked him to explain and he said a kind of numbness.. I dont know. But I wrote out the utility checks, and had him sign then, he grunted, but he signed them. I told him I could do his credit cards, etc if he wanted me too, but he got mad at me and said no that he would do them.. I am fine if his stubborness wants to mess his credit up, I just really needed to keep the lights and heat on. lol today was not perfect by all means, he yelled at my son a few times for not really good reasons, but for the most part he was better than usual. My son is 2 1/2 and loves my dad to pieces, I am just trying to teach him to tell gpa, " i dont like that gpa" when he does things that luke doesnt like, ie yelling at him.... thanks to all that have listened and responded, it means alot. my husband doesnt even really know how to respond because he is torn with the way i get treated and cant fix things so he gets frustrated, and he cant understand anyways.. i wish i wish there was no such thing as cancer... it is the real evil in the world.. thanks again, lukiss

Thanks everyone.. My dad is so so. I went over yesterday a few times, he wanted some soup from a particular restraunt, he ate it so that was good. He is obsessed with sweets too, which isnt him at all, so i got him some pie he wanted too, which he ate. He is still mean and irratable. HIs breatihng is still rapid but better than the day before and he says its because he hadnt left the bed at all. I take him to the dr on Tuesday. I called his dr, and he wanted him admitted but my dad said NO. So, I can only do so much.. About his bills, I am going to write them all today, the checks and ask him to sign them, and then mail them. If he resists that too, then I know something is wrong with him and from there I will just do it on my own completely. thanks everyone,. the worst part is when he doesnt answer the phone for hours and u call n call, and are afraid to go over there, of what you might find, I wish I wasnt so afraid. I wish I wasnt so completly alone, I have no one at all helping at all, he has another daughter but thinks doing drugs is more important, she hasnt even called in 3 monthes. I wish my last interactions with my dad, wasnt so methodical and sad and me trying to patch up all the harm he does when I go over to help. thanks for listening.. lukiss

thanks, he wont let me take him to the hospital. he is really stubborn and sure of what he wants to do.. he is down to 148 when he used to be 180. thanks for replying, i will keep a watch... i just am scared because i dont know how to help someone who wont let u help them. and i feel like he way sicker than he wants to realize.

sorry, i forgot to mention that he is still doing chemo, and he had to have 2 units of blood transfusion this week, and he said it didnt help him feel better. he tells me that he is going ot live one more year at least and i met with a hopsice lady just to see what they offer, and she siad with the symptoms that i have told her that i would be lucky with 6 weeks, does anyone know? thanks again, heather

Hi there, My name is Heather, and I dont know where else to go. My dad has small cell lung cancer, and I dont know what to do anymore. He was diagnosed over a year ago, even though they said he'd only last 4 monthes. He was totally tolerating chemo etc. he would have bumps of superior vena cava syndrome, etc. When he was diagnosed he was also told it was in the adrenal and lymph nodes. chemo was making the adrenals go down. anyways about a month and a half ago they did a pulup surgury on his sinuses, and every since then he has gone super down hill. i think its just a coincidence. he has los ALOT of weight, stopped taking care of himself, because he cant.. like house stuff, bills, feeding cat etc. i am struggling to help him, he doesnt let me some days, he wants to get to it all. so that is one thing i would love advice on., he hasnt paid his bills in over a month. wants to do it himself, but i dont want his stuff to get turned off. i have a constant struggle between taking care of him, trying to still respect his wishes and seeing the reality of what he is doing which i dont think he sees. my biggest thing i cant handle right now is , when he keeps telling me how horrible he feels, i dont knwo what to do. he is unbeleivably short of breath, and the drs dont do anything about it. are they ignoring him, i mean really short of breath, why? is there anything we can do? he is soo tired of spitting and coughing stuff up, is there anything i can do.? thanks, heather