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Everything posted by LexieCat

  1. LexieCat


    Hi, Jamie, and welcome! Sounds like you're doing well--always great to hear. Make yourself at home, and when you feel comfortable, maybe you would like to share some details about your experience. Teri
  2. Hi, Lamprad, and welcome! I'm so sorry about your mom's diagnosis. I don't know a whole lot about drug therapies (I had surgery but no drugs/radiation), but lots of folks here do, and they will be along shortly to provide some more knowledgable feedback on the treatment she is receiving. Glad you found us--this is a great place for support. Teri
  3. LexieCat


    OK, if he treated you that way before the cancer, then that probably wasn't the explanation. As I said, it isn't an excuse, but it's sometimes a reason--even people who treat their loved ones well can sometimes become difficult and unpleasant. But apparently that isn't the case here. I live alone, and I managed to get through my surgery without the help of a spouse/partner. (I did take a cousin up on her offer to come out for a few days after surgery, but if she hadn't done that I would have managed OK on my own). I'd really suggest getting some support for yourself, though. If the way he treats you is emotionally abusive, you can contact the Domestic Violence Hotline (1−800−799−7233), who can put you in touch with local resources. If it isn't at that level, and you're just miserable in your marriage, you might want to consider seeing a therapist to help you sort out what you want to do about it. I'm sorry you've been treated this way.
  4. LexieCat

    Dad diagnosed Stage 4 lung cancer

    That's great news! I always feel better when there's a game plan. Is the radiation continuing, too? How's he feeling?
  5. LexieCat


    I guess my main question, in your shoes, would be whether this is typical of the way he always treats you, or whether it's unique to this situation. Cancer may not be an excuse, but it could be a reason--for fear, denial, just plain being overwhelmed--and your prodding is challenging that and he is reacting by lashing out at the nearest target. I'm not suggesting it's OK for him to do it, but rather that MAYBE (if he normally treats you well) it's something not directed at you, personally. Only you can answer those questions for yourself, and you don't need to share anything here you don't want to. How much to help, or to push, a partner under these circumstances depends a lot on the relationship as a whole, I think. Right now, though, it seems like you need care, yourself, as much as he does. I hope you will try to find a support group and/or a counselor to help you deal with these feelings. Have you tried asking him whether he would allow you to make an appointment with the surgeon for him? Maybe expecting him to be interested or engaged is simply an exercise in futility. You don't have to assume responsibility for caring for him any more than you want to, but I'm thinking if you do nothing you might find yourself dealing with a lot of guilt feelings down the line (even if they are undeserved). I'm not trying to put any guilt on you, myself--there may be history suggesting that this is an appropriate boundary for you. So take what I say with a grain of salt, realizing I don't know either of you, or anything about your relationship or history.
  6. LexieCat


    Hi, Callie, I'm not sure why they would be doing it AFTER radiation. Here's what I found: https://www.oncolink.org/cancer-treatment/radiation/introduction-to-radiation-therapy/pictorial-overview-of-the-radiation-therapy-treatment-process I don't know a lot about radiation, so not sure why it might be done after.
  7. LexieCat

    Dad diagnosed Stage 4 lung cancer

    Sending tons of support and good thoughts your way! Keep us posted.
  8. LexieCat


    Hi, Kay, and welcome! I responded to your post on the Caregivers forum. Glad you found us--this is a great place for support, and we have lots of caregivers on the forum.
  9. LexieCat


    Hi, Kay, First off, happy birthday! Please do something special for yourself--even if it's going out to dinner and a movie by yourself. Trust me, it can be a fun getaway with no one to please but yourself. Second, I've dealt with partners with serious illnesses who have been as uncooperative as your husband. I spent most of two hospitalizations with one guy, apologizing to the medical professionals because he treated THEM like crap. (He's history now--alive but not with me.) It's a tough spot to be in--I really feel for you. Can you find out from the hospital whether there are any in-person support groups for caregivers? I think you might find it really helpful to unload with people who get it. In my experience, you can't force him to be interested or to cooperate in his own treatment. You're doing what you can. How long since he was diagnosed? What do you know about the biopsy results? Does the doctor answer your questions when you go to appointments? What do they say about when surgery might be scheduled? Sending a birthday hug, Teri