Dreamweaver

You are very welcome Gail..

** I just found this website, and I wish it was something I had read before Keith passed on. I hope it's helpful to some here. ** Terminal illness: Interacting with a terminally ill loved one. Your loved one is dying, and you don't know what to say or how to act. A Mayo Clinic chaplain offers advice. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/grief/CA00041

Eppy {{{{{{{{{{{{{ hugs }}}}}}}}}}}} It is so hard when our emotions are right on edge. I find that when I try to stay in control, then later on the littlest of things will set my emotions off. Am so sorry you had to see the poor kitty - but then again, am so glad the little girl had you there. Not only to take the kitty away, but also to see that it was Ok to cry, and that even adults need that release. Hold on tight to the many wonderful memories you have of your father. and don't be so hard on yourself sweetie, you are only human after all. *smile* Love, Melanie

What a beautiful saying. I copied it and saved it to read over and over again. Gentle reminders like that are so often needed. Love, Melanie

I think it is so important to have this part of cancer addressed as well. Having a grieving room isn't taking away someone's hope - even through the stories here in this room - a person can find hope. how many of us had partners who lived long past the doctors date? And it also gives hope to those of us who have lost loved ones. Through the veterans here, we know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And through the newer members, we know we are not alone in the fresh pain of a recent loss. In so many forums and online support groups, the hope is offered to those whoa re living as well as their loved ones. But once they have passed there is no place for the loved ones to post what they are going through. It's too hard for the ones who are still fighting to read. I found that so in Keiths group - when he passed it was a double edged sword. I didn't want to post about death in his forum.. 1) because I didn't want to take away others faith and hope of making it through.. 2) it was Keiths room, others were also trying to deal with his loss. I felt it wouldn't be fair for me to lay my griefs down, when I was there to be a support person for them. (Since I took over Keiths group). It was just through luck that I found you all here. I don't post often, but just knowing that should I need to post, to have a place to lay my burdens down etc. You are here, thats given me hope and the strength to get through many a rough days. Thank you - Melanie

This is a poem I have read many times.. But recently had forgotten. Do you know who the author is? It really is beautiful.. yet sad in some ways too. Melanie

Karen - We don't know each other as I am a newdie here. But I wanted to jump in and say that I do know what you are saying. It is so very hard. The hardest is when everyones gone home and you realize the world really didn't stop when our loved ones passed over. Getting back into a routine is difficult - but so necessary.. It sounds like you have alot of support from friends and loved ones, thats such a blessing. Keith and I didn't have that and it was truly missed. It's been almost 5 months for me now - and I can tell you it gets easier. There are still many days I reach for the phone to call him. But those times are fewer than they were a month ago - so I know it gets easier. However, there really is no timeline on grief. I think we will always have days when the "missing him" is almost too much to bear. Those are the days we need to allow ourselves time to grieve anew. There's nothing wrong with that - we are, after all, only human. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Melanie

Will have to look it up. The song that I always think of Keith with is the country song, When I Get Where I'm Going. It's sung by Brad Paisly. The lyrics always makes me think of Keiths attitude towards death as well as the fact that he is now where he was going. Here's a link to a site that has the lyrics: http://lchelp.org/community/viewtopic.p ... 913#224913 Melanie Here's the chorus: (Chorus:) Yeah when I get where I'm going There'll be only happy tears I will shed the sins and struggles I have carried all these years And I'll leave my heart wide open I will love and have no fear Yeah when I get where I'm going Don't cry for me down here

Thank you so much Mirril. There are days that seem easier. I have been doing alot of writing poetry.. it helps to voice the emotions etc. I see you are in Seoul, Korea. I was an army brat, and spent a few years there back in 69-71. Now I am just a brat Someone told me yesterday that there would be a day when I would no longer grieve. I told him he was nuts. That things might get easier but I don't think one ever gets over the grief. It makes me nuts when people say such insensitive things. Another friend asked me if I thought I would get back together with an old boyfriend. This boyfriend and I broke up many many years ago but have remained dear friends. How is it that people think I want another relationship right now? *sigh* I just have to shrug my shoulders and walk away. Love, Melanie

Thank you Eppie.. I am so sorry about your recent loss. {{ hugs }} Melanie

Everyone - I can't thank you enough for all your thoughts and prayers. Rick said they had a good weekend. I haven't heard from him since Monday though. I just keep them in my thought and hope that they are OK - with whatever happens. Love, Melanie

Am so sorry for your recent loss. I know how painful it can be to lose someone you love so dearly. ((( gentle hugs ))) But don't be a stranger here now that she has passed. You have so much to offer others going through this.. and the members here have so much to offer you as you go through the grieving process. Love, Melanie

It is hard for others to understand. When loved one is going through the last stages of cancer- your whole life is consumed with thoughts of them, with caring for them, with trying to get each moment you can with them etc.. and in a sense you lose you in it all. So when the person has passed over - you really aren't the same person you were... and you have to start a new journeyin discovering who you really are now. That journey can bring out all kinds of emotions... anger included. Throughout life you are always learning - that journey never ends. But the being angry, the mourning and the grief.. one day will lessen. Honest they will - but let them go in your own time.. There is no timeline for grief.. and we are all different in how we deal with it. Be kind to yourself.. and know your father really hasn't left.. He has just given up his earthly body. I bet he is watching over you now - and waiting for your smile.. and laughter to find their way back into your life. *smile*

I live in MN, Keith lived in Nebraska and his brother lives in California. While I was in Arkansas hayes was at Keiths giving everything away.. and I mean everything. I had left Keiths pillow and some blankets I had given Keith there for hayes to use.. and asked him to please at least mail those to me. Instead he threw them all away when he was ready to leave. The deal was supposed to be that when I was driving home from Arkansas I would stop by and put the things I wanted in storage. (I had left him 60 dollars so he could rent me a storage unit) and then when I went to mayo my dad and I could stop by with a rented trailer and pick up the items I had wanted. When I stopped by on my way home, he had given everything away. And I mean everything. The clothes, the piano, the guitar, the futon, etc. I did get Keiths stereo. And half of his plants. (The other half I gave away to the people in town whom he held dear). On a previous occasion Keith had given me his CD collection since he had everything stored on his computer. Oh and I got his computer. (I grabbed it before Hayes threw it away) Keiths son did send me a CD with pictures of Keith on it. But thats about the extent of contact I have had with his family. They do occasionally stop by Keiths forum - but thats maybe once every few months. And thats OK with me. If you have a way to save your e-mails on a CD, that would be a great way to keep them all - and yet free up the space on your computer. Treasure each day you have with your Keith. I aws just telling another person in one of the forums I visit at Delphi - that she shouldn't spend so much time worrying about the what if's and spend more time loving and living in today. I hope you and Keith are having a wonderful day today. Give each other hugs from me. Love,Melanie

What a beautiful idea. You know the Christmas before Keith passed away he game me a journal.. because I had stopped writing poetry and things. He wanted me to find my "muse" saying I still had so many words left to share with the world. That journal still lies empty. Perhaps once I let the other feelings go I can find the peace I need to use the journal he gave me. Right now the co-host of Keiths support group is going through the last days with his wife, Patty. She has prety much lost her will to fight anymore.. And I struggle so hard to find the right words to comfort him. Sometimes I don't know if there are any right words left within me. Thank you so much for listening to what I needed to say - and understanding where I am at. I am so sorry for your loss. And so sorry that anyone has the need to be here in this forum. Keith always said that he h oped the day would come when there was no need for his forum. I share those feelings. Love, Melanie