justme2007

Fantastic.

Fantastic.

((( Kimberly ))) I wrestle with my choices with my mom too. When I start down that path though, I stop and tell myself that what's done is done, and the past cannot be changed. I just practice acceptance of the choices I made. It really helps me with peace of mind. When my mom became unconscious and started breathing so heavily (like gasping), I remembered her telling me days before that while she wasn't afraid to die, she was afraid of pain and an uncomfortable death. So when hospice suggested increasing the morphine to calm the breathing (with the doc's okay, obviously), I went with it - - aware of the obvious risks. I gave her her last morphine dose at about 10:45 a.m. and she died minutes later. Did I "cause" or "hasten" her death? Maybe so, but our goal was comfort above all else. I just can't go there, or I'd go biserk. Peace, Beth

"Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but, rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy." Thought this was neat. It was in a sympathy card I just received. It was attributed to Eskimo legend. Beth

Wendy, I'm sorry you had such a rotten day. We all have "buttons" that people can (unknowingly many times) push. For me the smoking question doesn't come up because often I will volunteer that info about my mom when I talk about her death. Then, I often ask people if they smoke, and if so I ask them, annoyingly I suppose, to please quit. I guess you could say I am on somewhat of an anti-smoking crusade myself now. I mean no offense or disrespect to anyone. While I realize many non-smokers get cancer, and many smokers do not, I believe my mom's smoking certainly didn't help. BUT, that doesn't make her a bad person, deserving of this awful disease. Perhaps if I was a current smoker, I'd be more offended by the question. Smoking is VERY, VERY hard to quit. Doctors compare it to a heroin addiction. Fortunately, I quit two years ago after 23 years of smoking and numerous failed attempts. I don't believe that in any way makes me "better" than smokers though. I think my mom's terrible emphysema scared me into it. I don't take a "holier than thou" position. My position is one of genuine concern - - not wanting people to increase their risk for this disease. My 2 cents. Peace, Beth

Nonni, it will be 11:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m. on the east coast. See you guys at 10 and 6. Peace, Beth P.S. Ned, good job on remembering the Australian and British folks!

Thank you all. And Nick, that is awesome of you! I appreciate that gesture very much and am touched. That would definitely bring a smile to my mom's face. I know there are many people who will have a new "Paula" plant to adorn their homes. I think I will buy one too this weekend! Maybe an African violet. Purple was her favorite color. Peace, Beth

Shirley, thank you for that! I'm going to print it off and add to my other comforting writings. Peace, Beth

((( Sarah ))) I feel your pain. I bet there are a lot of loving, thoughtful things you DID do for your mother too - - please don't discount those. Our hospice gave us a grieving booklet, and one of the things suggested was journaling. Seems like you've done some here online. I have been afraid to journal because I'm worried I'll float away in a puddle of tears! Peace to you tonight. Beth

Mindy, I'm so sorry to hear about your mom's condition. I, and so many others here, know how you feel because we've been there. Hang in there! We're always here. Beth

My mom loved poetry and literature, and wrote a lot of poetry herself. Here is an untitled poem by Colleen Hitchcock that we found with the other poem in her dresser: And if I go, while you're still here . . . . Know that I still live on, Vibrating to a different measure behind a thin veil you cannot see through. You will not see me, so you must have faith. I wait the time when we can soar together again, both aware of each other. Until then, live your life to the fullest. And when you need me, just whisper my name in your heart, . . . . . . . I will be there. * These poems mean so much to me. I will look at them when I miss my mom.* Beth

[My mother was inurned this morning. The sun was shining very brightly at that time. Now it is overcast. I like to think it was her spirit shining down on us to say hello!] "Death is Nothing At All" I have only slipped away into the next room. I am I, and you are you. Whatever we were to each other, that we are still. Call me by the old familiar name. Speak of me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference into your tone. Wear no forced solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed At the little jokes that we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without an effort, Without the ghost of a shadow upon it. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was. There is absolute and unbroken continuity. What is this death but a negligible accident? Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval, Somewhere very near, Just round the corner. All is well. - Henry Scott Holland (19th century poet)

Randy, very nice idea. Thank you for including my mother on this list. Beth

Oh, okay. Thanks Kasey. Beth

This appeared in my mom's local paper today. I wish I could figure out how to post her picture, but apparently I'm too technically challenged! This is exactly how my mom wanted her obit to appear (without much detail or fanfare). She has a master's degree in English and taught college-bound students at the same high school for 33 years. She read incessantly and was involved in local theater. * * * * * Paula Virlee, 69, Sturgeon Bay, died of cancer at her home Wednesday, Jan. 17, 2007. She was born Nov. 16, 1937, in Marshfield to Harold and Linda (Schmidt) McGrath. She is survived by her husband, Michael; two children, Jeffrey (Maria) Virlee, Neenah, and Beth Virlee, Green Bay; in-laws, Richard (Sharon) Virlee and Janice Virlee, all of Sturgeon Bay; and a grandchild, Stella Virlee, Neenah. Paula requested that there would be no memorial service. She also requested that in lieu of flowers, donors should purchase a plant for their home. Forbes Funeral Home is assisting the family with arrangements. Online condolences may be sent from www.forbesfuneralhome.com