Jump to content

lullabelle21302

Members
  • Posts

    25
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  1. I love love to have a email buddy, anyone who can help me come to terms or how to deal with the loss of my mother. How to let go and be the weak one instead of the strong one.
  2. Hello everyone! Sorry I havent posted in awhile. It has been hard for me, as I am sure it is for all of us. We thought we had some good news, mom was doing so much better, then when back for scans and the original tumor that they radiated never dissappeard, it had tripled in size and her brain was just full of tumors, so we were told nothing else could be done. Mom was such a fighter, never complained, always looked on the brighter side no materr how bad she felt. We brought her back home and the saturday before she passed, mom, myself and my aunt kathy went to get baptized, it was the one thing mom wanted to do. and she fought till the very end, her body just couldnt take anymore. She still knew who we all were and she communicated with us even though sometimes we couldnt make out what she was saying. I had my husband, brother, his wife, my moms sister from missouri, and two of my cousins. Thankfully my inlaws had my daughter. It was the hardest thing to see. I would crawl up in the bed with her, i felt so helpless. I dont know what to do with myself these days cause she was my life for 17 months, I took care of her and seen her good and bad times. So I guess I dont know how to move on, I dont think I have come to terms with it, and on top of that I also lost a uncle on april 29th so the year has not started off to be a good one. So how do you move on? How do you come to terms with it when it was such a big part of your everyday life for over a year? I often withdrawl into myself and I find it hard to talk about it cause I really dont know what I am feeling. I thinking I am still trying to be the strong on, going to day to day motions and I need to let it out, but I dont know how to do that. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. Love and prayers to each of you Rhonda Brenda Sue Ruble MATOAKA — Brenda Sue Ruble, 62, of Matoaka, died Sunday, Feb. 17, 2008 at her home. She was born in Tazewell County, Va., and was the daughter of Ileen Fields Ball of Maryland and the late Walter H. Ball. She was a legal clerk, having worked at various places and was a graduate of Graham High School. In addition to her father, she was preceded in death by great-granddaughter, Jordyn Ruble; and a brother-in-law, Wayne Ming. In addition to her mother, she is survived by daughter, Rhonda Shrewsbury and husband Russell of Matoaka; son, Keith Ruble and wife Joetta of Princeton; former husband and father of children, Preston Ruble of Bluefield; sisters, JoAnn Johnson and husband Richard, Nancy Ming, Jimmie Gaye Zimmerman and husband Brian, Kathy Poszich and husband Robert; grandchildren, Valaree Shrewsbury, Eric Ruble and wife Brandi and Jesse Ruble and wife Kristie; great-grandchildren, Tyler Ruble, Logan Ruble and Madison Ruble; special friend of family, Melissa Carter. Funeral services will be held Tuesday, Feb. 19, 2008 at 1 p.m. at the Dudley Memorial Chapel in Bluefield, Va., with the Rev. Kenneth Gillespie officiating. Burial will follow in the Grandview Memory Gardens. Pallbearers will be Walter Zimmerman, Robby Poszich, Jesse Ruble, Eric Ruble, Mike Ming and Jody Jennings. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the American Cancer Society, 1816 Jefferson St., Bluefield, WV 24701. Friend may call today from 6 to 8 p.m. at the Dudley Memorial Mortuary in Bluefield, Va.
  3. SORRY I HAVENT POSTED IN AWHILE, SO MUCH HAS BEEN GOING ON. WE FOUND OUT LAST WEEK THAT METS HAD RETURNED TO MOM'S BRAIN AND THAT LAST JUNE/JULY WHEN THEY DONT FULL BRAIN RADIATION FOR THE ONE TUMOR, WELL EVIDENTLY IT DIDNT GET IT CAUSE THAT ONE IS BACK AND IS TRIPLED IN SIZE AND THERE IS SEVERAL MORE. WE WERE ALSO TOLD THEY COULD NOT DO MORE RADIATION BECAUSE IT WOULD DO MORE HARM THAN GOOD. WE DONT KNOW HOW LONG MOM HAS BUT WE HAVE ALREADY CALLED IN HOSPICE AND THE LADY WE SPOKE WITH SAID SHE HAS HAD PATIENCE IN HOSPICE FOR 2 YEARS. SHE GAVE US PAPERS FOR MYSELF AND MY BROTHER TO READ CAUSE WE ARE HER MPOA. AND I LET HIM TAKE THEM. I COULDNT BRING MYSELF TO READ WHAT THE SIGNS WOULD BE AT THE FINAL STAGES, MY BROTHER COULDNT EITHER. SHE DOESNT WANT ANYONE COMING IN AND BATHING HER WHICH I UNDERSTAND SO WE DO THAT AND SHE IS HAVEING A REALLY HARD TIME WALKING AND CANNOT GET AROUND BY HERSELF AT ALL RIGHT NOW. I AM ANGRY, SAD, CONFUSED AND A WHOLE BUNCH OF OTHER EMOTIONS. I WANT TO MAKE MOM COMFORTABLE AND I WANT HER TO ENJOY THE TIME SHE HAS LEFT. BUT I DO KNOW THAT ONLY THE GOOD LORD UP ABOVE KNOWS WHEN THAT WILL BE. I FEEL LIKE SOMEONE HAS RIPPED OUT MY HEART AND TAKEN MY SOUL. I HAVE BEEN HER CAREGIVER FOR THE PAST 17 MONTHS AND I WILL CONTINUE TO DO SO. WE WERE ALSO TOLD THAT MOM ALREADY OUTLIVED THEIR EXPECTATIONS. WE DID ASK MOM IF SHE WANTED A SECOND OPINION AND SHE SAID NO. I KNOW THAT ALOT OF YOU HAVE BEEN WHERE I AM AT NOW AND HAVE FELT THE SAME FEELINGS. THE GOOD THING IS MOM IS EATIN AND DRINKING AND GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND IS PRETTY MUCH IN FIGHTING MODE. SHE SAYS SHE AINT LEAVING THIS WORLD YET. I DO AND I DONT WANT TO KNOW WHAT TO LOOK FOR OR WHAT EXPECT WHEN THE TIME IS CLOSE, I GUESS I WANT TO BE PREPARED BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, WELL I DONT KNOW HOW I FEEL ON THE OTHER HAND. IF ANYONE COULD GIVE ME SOME ADVICE GOOD OR BAD I WANT TO HEAR IT. SO PLEASE FEEL FREE TO TELL IT LIKE IT IS TO ME. ALSO AT THIS STAGE WITH NO TREATMENT WHAT IS THE TIME FRAME OF LIFE, I MEAN HOW MUCH TIME DO WE HAVE LEFT WITH HER? PLEASE BE HONEST WITH ME. THANKS SO MUCH RHONDA
  4. Hello everyone. I hope all is well with everyone. I wanted to share a bit of good news today. Mom had ct scans done yesterday and we went to doc today and we were told that all tumors are gone in brain, so radiation worked. THANK YOU GOD. Also we were told that the mets in her liver were fewer and tiny. We have never been told the mets in liver were tiny. We will continue on with chemo. I feel like we have been so blessed. My mom said well I told you I was going to beat this, I have a 5 year old granddaughter I want to see grow up. My daughter is also getting more comfortable around my mom, she used to be afraid mom would fall and get hurt and she didnt like to see her sick, which she hasnt been for awhile, Another reason to be thankful. She is starting to love on mom more and realizes that she wont hurt mom. The day I am waiting for is to be told mom is cancer free. However, I am very thankful each day mom is here with us. I read on someone's profile that they have never been cancer free but you can live with it, and if I am not mistaken it has been 5 or 6 years for them. Mom may not ever be cancer free, but everyday I have with her is a blessing, so I will take that. Anyways, I wanted to share this with all of you. As always, everyone is in my thoughts and prayers. Love to you all Rhonda
  5. Hello, it has been alittle while since I have posted anything. Mom had started cpt-11 but could not tolerate it and was hospitalized due to dehyrdation. Went back to onc and she started her on topotecan which she has had 2 rounds and was due for 3rd this past friday. All along her counts have been low and she has had procrit but friday both counts were low and she had procrit and luekine. Goes for blood work tomorrow and if all is good will do chemo friday. Mom told me today that after these cycles of chemo she didnt know if she would do anymore, said she was tired of being tired. They havent done any scans since they found mets to brain, which she had 18 rounds of radiation, and I want to also mention that she has improved greatly, still weak but is doing physical therapy so hopefully that will help. Anyways, my brother and I were talking today and was going to ask her onc if maybe after the next series of chemo could she take a break of a month or so regardless of if she does scans and what they would say. Would it hurt anything to take a breather from all the stuff and just have a break? We went to her other doc(diabetes, etc) and she told mom that she is surprised and that had exceptional will and fight and she was an inspiration. Mom has made it past 1 year mark since dx. Which is a heck of a milestone. I was just wanted to ask about how well topotecan works and if not what line of treatment would they do next. Now when we were told she had sclc ext. carbo-etoposide was the only thing they could do and now we are on another line of treatment. So how many lines of treatment do they have and when do they decide to quit treatment?
  6. Hey just wanted to give some updates on mom. She is doing extremely well. She is walking on her own now and everything has is almost the way it was before she had mets to the brain. Ha noone thought she would pull through this. Well this shows them. I am so very proud of her, it is so amazing how just the little everyday things she has had to relearn to do is very exciting for her. I love to see the look on her face and the excitment in her voice when she has done something on her own. She has taken 2 rounds of cpt-11 so far and she has been doing well. This just goes to show that doctors dont know everything they can only predict from past cases they have had. I hope everyone is doing well and I am praying for each of you Rhonda
  7. lullabelle21302

    mom

    Hello, I hope everyone is doing well. Mom went to her onc today and she was saying that we knew from the beginning that this was incurable. She told us of the side effects of cpt-11 and wanted to know if mom wanted to continue with treatment, she also asked my brother and I if we wanted her to continue doing treatment. She said she could buy her some time. The thing that is bothering me is that I talked to one of mom's nurses and she told me that her docs were talking about mom and how well she was doing and they couldnt believe it and had never seen a patient like mom respond so well and recover so quickly. So why dont the docs tell us that. I didnt want to question it because I was afraid I would get the nurse in trouble and she has been so upfront and honest with me I just didnt want to risk it. Mom starts her treatment on the 10th of august. I told my brother that maybe her onc doesnt know what to say cause mom is doing extremely well and mom says she has to be honest with us, well that may be true but I feel like they are just expecting her to go down hill and it bothered me that she asked if mom wanted to continue treatment. It was like well we can do it but there still isnt a cure. Yes we know there is no cure but this website and the people on here are living proof that there are survivors from ext. sclc, some had mets worse than others and they are still alive. Thanks for reading, I just needed to vent because I truly dont understand why some docs are the way they are. As always I am praying for each of you, as well as your family Rhonda
  8. Hey I just wanted to update everyone. Mom is doing 200% better than she was. She just finished up 19 rounds of radiation and will soon start campostar. I cant believe the difference. Her physical therapist told her that everyone was ready to count her out since she had brain mets and she was so sick and now they are amazed because she is so much better. One of her docs nurses told me that her onc and her other doc were just amazed and apparently they didnt understand cause apparently she should have passed on awhile ago. They just didnt know how determined mom is. which is a good they, because someone told me that is half the battle. She has such a will to live and is determined she is not going anywhere, which of course is music to my ears. I tell her about the stories on here and that gives her encouragment also. I just tell her that there are several people on here that had mets worse than hers and they are still alive today. I am so grateful for this website. Thanks to each of you and I will keep everyone posted Rhonda
  9. Mom has already started full brain radiation. She has tolerated it well with the exception of being tired and still no fully able to use her right side. That is getting better each day. Her onc told us the other day that they will start campostar cpt-11. Said that she would go once a week for 3 weeks then have a week off. Can someone tell me how this new chemo works and how many hours in that one day is it? Also I need some encouragement, good outcome stories with this type of cancer with mets to liver and brain. As far as we know it has not spread anywhere else. I guess I want to know that I have many years left with mom. Thanks, Rhonda
  10. Mom started radiation monday and she has had 3 rounds so far. They are doing full brain. She has lost partial use in her right side and has double/blurry vision. She is not able to walk or stand on her own. She is stronger in her leg than her arm and we are doing some therapy to try to build up strength> A social worker came to talk with us on monday before she went for radiation and she wanted to know if mom understood what kind of cancer she had. Well she does know and she understands that it is incurable but I got alittle offended by what she said. She told us that for the rest of moms life she will always be on some kind of treatment. It may go away in one place and pop up in another. I thought that when you got rid of it in one spot you could go into remission for awhile even years. I know there is always the chance it will come back, but the way she talked you would never go into remission she would be on some kind of treatment for the rest of her life. My question is will mom slowly get the use back in her right side and will her vision get better? Also I didnt fully understand what the social worker meant. Mom is just impatient and is worried that she wont get any use back on her right side. Thanks Rhonda
  11. Its Rhonda again and I wanted to let everyone know that mom did not have a stroke. We had to take her back to the er yesterday and they done another ct scan which showed a lesion on the left side of the brain plus some swelling. The onc doc came in and said that this was something we had discussed from the beginning and the brain is the place sclc likes to go. They are going to start radiation. Said that the tumor would respond well to the radiation. Also said that mom has done so well with the chemo and that the tumor in lung is gone and the only tumors left were in her liver which were fewer in number and had decreased. Mom was actually relieved when she was told she didnt have a stroke, says she knows what it is now and she can fight it. She kept telling her onc doctor it was ok and that she was going to beat this. She says she has prayed and has talked to her dad(he passed away from prostate cancer) she wanted some kind of sign that it was her time to go, which she told me doesnt feel like it is her time to go, she believes she would know if it was. I actually agree with that, I think that when someone is sick with this devastating disease that can feel/sense that it is there time. I am just so frustrated right now, I want to scream, cry, hit something, I just want to do something. She has come so far and done so well and the scans have all been clean and showed signs of good progress. The ct scan done last friday didnt show nothing and the one done yesterday shows this. I am very angry and very sad. She had a mri done today and they said that it would show if it is just the one lesion or if there are more and if so they would radiate the areas. She tells me the part she hates the most is that she feels useless cause she cant use the right side. Her leg is pretty good but her arm is not. How well does the radiation work on the brain? And could someone please tell me how does the beast spread while on chemo and how can one scan done a wekk ago show nothing and within a weeks time show a 1cm lesion? I am terrified right now and I guess I am wanting someone to tell me that everything is going to be alright. Has anyone had a good outcome with sclc mets to liver and brain? Like I said the one in her lung and lymph nodes are gone and the ones in her liver are decreased and not as many. Also with the tumors shrinking and some gone in her liver does it start to rejuvenate itself and can they do radiation on her liver for the tumors left there. Thanks so much for reading and any advice, answers good or bad I would like to hear. Rhonda
  12. Its me again. When we found out mom had cancer, it was hard in the beginning, but became accustomed to taking care of her until she was able to do things for herself. Now that she has had a stroke she is not able to do things for herself. I help her walk, dress, bath and do physical therapy. All of this is new territory for me and I thank God I am able to do it for her, but she is so depressed right now I am not sure what to say to her. I called her doc today and asked if they could give her some antidepressants, have to call back tomorrow cause the doctor wasnt in. She says she is going to beat this if it kills her. I dont cry in front of her because I want to be strong for her. I know that mom is strong and she is a fighter but I am so scared right now. The tumors are not gone in her liver but there are fewer of them and they have all shrunk. So my question is can they still do chemo after she has had a stroke and is radiation a possiblity to get rid of the liver tumors. Also, I know the liver rejuvenates itself, so with the tumors shrinking and going away will there be enough healthy liver to rejuvenate? Any and all advice, answers are greatly appreciated. Rhonda
  13. Well we got the results back from latest ct scans and it said that the tumors in the liver are fewer in number and have further decreased in size, which is excellent news. However, mom had not been feeling well last week, dizzy, blurry vision, uncontrollable laughter, etc. She had a doctors appointment on friday with the one who treats her blood pressure, diabetes. Well by then she couldnt hardly walk and they told us there her blood pressure was 200/100 and they put her in the hospital. They done ct of head and it was negative but suspected a mini stroke and wanted to do mri. They tried twice but mom is so claustorphobic that on the second time she had a major panic attach, oxygen levels dropped, heart rate went up got deathly sick. She refused to let them try another mri. They sent her home yesterday with a walker and plans to do physical therapy 2 or 3 times a week. She has been so tired and so week that she cant even eat. So we got her some glucerin and ensure. I have to help her walk and I fed her today cause she is just so weak. She did eat a few bites but not a whole lot. she told me that she never thought she would be like this. I told her that she has almost beat the cancer and she can certainly beat this. I told her that she would start feeling better after she got some strength back and got some movement on her right side. I hate to see her like this cause she was soo independant and was always on the go and now she has to depend on me. I got her to do little exercises today to start getting strength back in her arm and leg. The physical therapist came by today for her assessment and will be back tomorrow or thursday. Please pray for her, she is such a fighter and she wants to fight she just needs the strenght to fight. As always, I pray for each of you and your families
  14. We went to mom's onc the other day, and she says last scans were clear, whoo hooo, says she is flabbergasted, she says it twice. I told her, well mom said she was going to beat this. She ordered a scan of her liver, cause her liver was almost gone. But previous scan show that the tumors were shrinking. She had to go for blood work today, and ending up having to have lukein shots. Which she is used to, cause throughout it all she has had to have several of them. The charge nurse on the outpatient onc floor, is also amazed with mom and asked her if she is sure she wasnt misdiagnosed, mom said I was so sick I didnt think to get a second opinion, which with all the shock, neither did myself or my brother. I just want to tell everyone that even though statistically they say the outcome of sclc is not good, less than 10% is what I remember reading, well I learned through this website, as well as watching my mother that statics are only numbers. There are survivors, which I learned of on this website, cause everywhere else I was reading, well apparently there just wasnt any. My mother lives with me, my husband and daughter, so the road for me seems like eternity. I feel like I am a stronger person for having been on this road. My father was dx with non hodgkins and he is 4 years cancer free. I wasnt able to be there for him or help take care of him. The last 34years have been really tough, first my father was dx, my brother was deployed to iraq, and myself, well I am a recovery drug addict after 20 years of using something of someking, I am now proudly 4 years clean this september and at the time of my fathers dx, I was in rehab and wasnt able to help my grandmother with him the way I should have been. Well I probably just exposed to much info, but I feel like I am who I am today and I am as strong as I am today because of what I have went through. And I have to be honest rehab and withdrawl was a walk in the park compared to what road I have been on since sept.2006. Anyways, thanks to all for listening to me and I will be updating as soon as we get results from scans ran today. As always, I am praying for each of you and your loved ones. Oh, I am walking my first relay for life the 23rd of this month. Rhonda
  15. Hi, just wanting to see if anyone is near the princeton wv area. If so we can meet, chat, exchange stories, etc. I actually live in Matoaka wv, but am close to princeton, bluedfield, beckley. Rhonda
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.