Katy66

Haven't been on the site in a long time, just haven't been able to bring myself to visit much since Gene passed away. Just happened to drop in today and saw your post. Thoughts are prayers are with you as you face this sad anniversary!

Co-survivor and still here occasionally. I like co-survivor much better than widow as well. Of course I went nuts at my daughter's dentist office this week because they only had married, single or divorced to choose from. When I told them I was none of those but a widow they said I should just pick single. "But I'm not single, I'm a WIDOW" I felt really strange fighting to use that term when I hate it so badly but darn it I'm not single. Sorry, I'm going a little nuts with it again

And isn't it great to have those friends and family who don't say "let me know what I can do" but they just come and they do? Never once did I have to say to my sister and brother in law, I need "this". They just did things they knew I needed and left me to take care of what I needed to focus on. Oh and there were the dear friends that made sure I had few meals to cook in the 19 months of Gene's treatments.

Judy, I'm so sorry, my heart goes out to you all. You always hear people say that God doesn't give us more than we can bear but sometimes I just have to wonder, this seems like more than anyone can bear. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Katy

Oncologist should be able to provide you with a script for duragesic patches. If there is a palliative care provider in your area you might want to check into that. Most are associated with a hospice but they provide a different level of care, mainly pain management and chronic disease management.

Sounds like a great trip! I'm so proud of you for your committment to raise awareness for Lung Cancer.

I bet Deb will let you know when it is someone she approves of!

Randy, Gene actually gave me the okay before he died. At dinner one night he told me he didn't "want me acting like his Mom". His Dad died when she was in her early 50's and she never dated anyone. Gene worried alot about her being lonely. Of course I wasn't ready to hear that then but it does help to know that he feels that way. I also think he wanted to have the discussion then because Cassie was with us. I think he wanted her to know that he would be okay with me meeting someone. His brother and sister very much against his mother dating, and he felt that was why she didn't

I'm so proud of me, I said yesterday I was going to start checking this thread and here I am. 80 degrees in Asheville, NC today and sunny. Like you Bud we had bad storms last night and possiblity for some this evening. I'm hoping they miss us tonight. Between my 8 year old joining me in bed because she is scared and the dog pacing around the room because of thunder I didn't get a lot of sleep. Annette, it sounds like our jobs are similar, only mine in healthcare. You're right fun some days but others not so! Eric, congrats on your retirement. When are you coming to America? I can't imagine what you are going through with Sally, so sorry you are dealing with this. I should be working on this mountain of a project so I should say bye for now!

Ry, It has been 6 short months since my husband died, I'm not even close to thinking about dating yet. But what you said about the guilt and not feeling single really resonates with me. I've had those well meaning friends say "Oh you'll meet someone" and when they do, I can't help but think how can I date, I'm married? So what you said doesn't sound weird at all.

Good Afternoon, What a great thread of posts! I need to start coming here more. All is nice in the mountains of NC today, beautiful weather! Still at work right now but headed out a little early to pick up my new TV. The other just crashed on me and I moved the bedroom TV into the living room. Just too darn small and I had gotten so used to a TV in bedroom on those sleepless nights that I'm treating myself to a brand new one. Cassie is going with me and we are having dinner out tonight. Different for a school night but we have to treat ourselves occassionally Hope you all have a great rest of the day!

Eric, How right you are! There are those people with an MD after their name who think they can hand out timelines. Gene's pulmonary doc told us 3 months, what a jerk and how wrong he was!!! I might add that he said that with a huge wad of bubble gum in his mouth. How utterly disrespectful and unprofessional. Thankfully we found a wonderful oncologist who was positive and practically refused to talk the "stats" with us. He believed everyone is different! Bambinokid, sounds like your Dad has that same kind of oncologist, consider your lucky to have found that an MD like that. Focus on making today the best it can be!

Annette you're right, she is a good friend and I do know that she was trying to help me through that day, that circumstance. That's the other part of this process I don't like, things or comments I wouldn't have given a second thought stick in my mind and can make me so angry or sad. Thanks Ronnie, yes we all have to try to be happy sometimes. KatieB, I sometimes wish I was one of those people that dates and times didn't stick in my mind but on the other hand we wouldn't remember those good times either. You are all such great support, thank you!!!!!

Thanks everyone. Sometimes knowing that I'm normal helps, at least as normal as someone who just lost their spouse can be:) I know 6 months isn't a long time but I'm just so tired. I've always been the positive one, the glass half full is my way of thinking and that is gone. I guess if I'm being honest one of my big issues at 6 months was that not a single family member or friend acknowledged it. Don't get me wrong, I didn't expect our 8 year old daughter to think about the date but it just seems like someone else would. I even saw his mother that day and she didn't say a word. When I did mention it to a friend she was supportive but then had to throw in "You'll get through this". I really don't think I will. This is not a cold or the flu that you get over. Losing your spouse is with you forever. I mean I know it won't always be this consuming but it will always be there. Ronnie, I've not been strong enough to go through any of Gene's things yet. I walk in his shop with all his woodworking tools, things I don't need and will never use, but I can't part with them yet. I feel closest to him when I'm there in his spot. I moved his clothes to the back of the closet but they are still there. The only thing I've done anything with was his medications and I trashed them the day after the funeral, he hated all the medicine so much I felt like I was doing that for him. Wow, things are just spilling out here... sorry for the rambling. Good thing I've got an appointment with my bereavement counselor this afternoon. Again, thank you all for your kind words. Sorry we have to be here finding our way!

It is so hard for me to believe that last Friday marked six months since Gene passed away. I still feel as if I'm on a roller coaster of emotions. I go through the motions of my life and everyone tells me how amazingly strong I am..well, I don't feel very strong. Don't get me wrong, I have some days that are better than others but then for some unknown reason I have a day or two or five where I crash. Usually I hold it in until I'm alone or with my family but then I cry at the drop of a hat, my body aches with the sadness, the loss just becomes so prevalent again in my thoughts.