Cath_g

I am new here, only been in a couple of times. But reading these posts tonight I wanted to respond. I still have not been staged, but have lung cancer. My husbands family are very close people so they all know. My family and I are not close. Last June my sister died from breast cancer, by the time she found out it was in her spine and spreading. When she told our family she started getting calls of sibblings looking for absolution. I emailed one of my sisters last week and told her, I also pointed out what happened to our sister, was not going to happen to me. I am going to fight and win this battle, so planning a funeral is not acceptable. I haven't heard back from her yet. I am close to a couple of my neighbours, and have told them. And I have come on the internet to 2 cancer support groups and told you. Support is what we need. Right now I am in limbo I guess, no definate answers except I have a tumour in my left lung. I did think today, what about the whispers when they see me losing weight or whatever else may or may not happen as a result of my fighting this monster. I think the stigma is " I asked for this, I smoke" Anyways, just wanted to respond . thanks for letting me spout off a little Cathy

thank you for you response to my posts. thank you for your honesty about smoking. I will quit and I will fight and I will live. And I will not work on a new tumour to go through this again. I admire your courage and self will to do this cold turkey. My compulsion is becoming stronger and stronger each day and I know I will beat this addictiion. I saw my family doctor today re ultra sound on my liver and it is good. I love good news, don't you. I was in tears the whole time I was at his office and I made him promise to always be honest with me about everything and to hold nothing back. He did say the words I promise. I have been with him for 30 years so I trust him. Well it's Friday afternoon, nothing to be done now until Wed. morning when I have bone scan..so I will try to stay in the now from here til then. When I woke up this morning I said aloud, this is a good day to be alive. and it is. These support message boards are a blessing, I belong to 2. Plus a live chat group. Take care ... have a great week end. and thanks again for the support Cathy

First thing I did this morning was coming here. Got my cup of tea and reading all your posts. I have an appt today with family doc, re: ultra sound on liver. When they did the ct scan they saw a spot on the liver, so my fam doc sent me for ultra sound. Hopefully it is the same spot they found when I had my gall bladder situation 4 years ago. Hemengiona (spelled wrong), but it's not cancer. I woke up today and decided to live today. we never used to have to make such a profound decision first thing in the morning. I am so happy I found you people. Unfortanately it took this horrible disease to bring us together. I am going to have a conversation with my doc today about this cancer stuff... there will be no hiding anything from me. There will be no discussing things with my husband because it might be too much for me to hear. I saw my sisters people do that to her, they had meetings with her husband and 3 eldest kids. she wasn't at the meetings. Exuse me... her life, her cancer and not her meeting. that will not happen with me. Someone asked me if I am alone. I am married but my husband works all day. He takes time off to go to appointments with me, except my fam. doc appt. We can't afford that. But as for all other appointments , he goes with me. His work is being really good about it. Not paying him for the time off, but not letting his position go either. Thank you for all your responses to my shares, I hope you all have a great day. Cathy

You have all been so kind. I seem to give the impression that I have a strong attitude with this fight, when in reality I am so scared. Most times I just want to sleep. I don't want to be awake and feel this reality. I am amazed by the courage you all are showing. Each day I feel a little more depressed and that scares me as you all say one needs a positive attitude to fight back. I was sick with pneamonia for about 4 weeks and spent most of the summer in bed. The infection seems to be pretty much cleared up but I still spend most of my time in bed. I guess I am isolating, trying to hide from this reality. Lorezapam helps. Insanity also is that I am still smoking. I have cut down from 2 paks a day to 1 pak a day. Every time I light a cigarette I am terrified, but light it I do. How the he!! does this happen to good people. I am so angry. Does any of this sound normal to anyone? Cathy

My name is Cathy and I am in London Ontario Canada... I was just told I have lung cancer. So far I have not been staged. Have had several tests and am having bone scan next week. I am terrified. I have joined 2 other lung cancer support groups. Unfortunately I need help to get through this mess. It will take a bit to learn my way around your site. Thats ok. I am trying to learn to accept this is happening to me and adopt a positive attitude to fight back with. I will not die from lung cancer without one hell of a fight. That may sound like a strong attitude, but please believe me, I am terrified and still somewhat in shock and maybe denial having just been told a few days ago. I lost my dad to cancer 8 years ago and my sister last June. My dad fought for 2 years and then gave up. My sister had had pancreatic cancer 5 years ago and it was removed. She did no follow ups and got more cancer. This time breast cancer, but by the time they found it it had already spread into her spine. I have no intentions of going anywhere. I am only 51 years old. Well that's a start of an introduction. Cathy