Cancer got me over unimportant fears, like getting old.

[Leslie221]

"Cancer got me over unimportant fears, like getting old." ~ Olivia Newton-John

Boy, is she right! The last couple of years before I got lung cancer, I was totally FREAKED OUT about approaching 50! I was sure I was washed up, used up, worn out, over the hill, and under the radar!

I also feared nobody would really miss me if I wasn't around, that I had not accomplished the things I meant to and never would; I had been given many gifts and I had squandered them and now it was too late.

The...POOF...lung cancer! And suddenly I didn't feel old at all. I was TOO YOUNG, in fact! Wrinkles? Don't like 'em, but SO WHAT?!?

Found out an awful lot of people really care about me and would miss me very much! And realised, it's NEVER too late to do something that's important to me even if I can only whisper "I love you" to someone!

Leslie

[Kasey]

Yes, cancer has gotten me over some unimportant fears as well. As far as getting old, well, guess I already was, and now I don't care! Funny how relative certain things are, isn't it?

Kasey

[LynneH]

Leslie and Kasey,

I totally agree with this perspective. Mine comes from a slightly different place.

After Jim's diagnosis, getting old, looking old, eating chocolate, etc., really lost it's worry factor. I loved the chances to rub his feet and didn't roll my eyes anymore, or fetch him his 3rd bag of ice-cold orange jelly candies and didn't nag him about eating too much sugar (although I was damned amazed that he could eat 3 bags in one day!).

After Jim died this spring, I've discovered some other past worries that have evaporated. I don't fear living alone (don't like it but don't sleep with one eye open like I used to if Jim was out of town), and I don't fear dying. This may be due to some deeply buried feelings that it would be okay to join him, although I wouldn't do anything to hurry it along. These really aren't depressing or down feelings; instead, I feel much relief and freedom that some old worries have been lifted.

It shouldn't take such stinky circumstances to remind us of the truly important things in life, but hey, we're just little humans.

Lynne

[Leslie221]

I thought I sent this as a PM to Lynne. I'm lucky I didn't say anything I would be embarassed by!

Lynne,

Just wanted to tell you how much I look forward to reading your posts. You're one of the people here whose advice and perceptions I value!

My biggest fear throughout the past 7 months has not been my own death, but the fear of leaving Mark, my husband, alone and hurting. We're very close, no kids, and I can't stand the thought of him going through the rest of his life without me. I told him I want him to remarry, but she must have ONLY inner beauty!

Anyway, hearing how you have managed and continued to make a real, meaningful life after losing Jim, remids me Mark can do the same and that time spent worrying about something that may or may not happen is a waste of precious time.

Thanks for being here!

Leslie

[Snowflake]

I have learned not to overlook the important things in life. Sure, overtime is great on a paycheck, but all the money in the world can't make up for the time taken away from my family. I prefer not to work overtime at all and just put in my honest day's work for an honest day's pay.

I had just turned 34 when I was diagnosed, so I really wasn't feeling old - LOL. I don't have any wrinkles, but when they do come, my mother and grandmother have assured me that they don't hurt. I prefer to have my wrinkles in smile lines and NOT in frown lines. I have so many things to do in life, I need to get on with the living of it.

I view it all as a major wake-up call. The length of life is not guaranteed. One needs to grab it by the horns and get the very most out of every minute. It's not enough to "age", one must LIVE.

...and although I work with young and thin people, I'm not keeping myself from a piece of chocolate cake when I want one. After all, how many of the women who died on the Titanic didn't have dessert? (When Mark and I went on our honeymoon cruise, I had dessert every night, "just in case" and that was before cancer.)

I'm here to do as I always have, stick up for the underdog and help those that can't help themselves. I have lung cancer, and I have a voice. I'm here for a reason...

[chloesmom]

What a true statement that is! I'm turning 50 this fall, and while I have never really been concerned about age, the perspective I have about turning 50 is waaaaay different than my friends' perspectives on turning 50!

I'm saying, "Hey isn't that the goal....to get older?" while they're saying,"I'm starting to feel really old because I'm turning 50!"

I feel like smacking them upside the head and saying, "Old is good!"

Yes, having been through all this does certainly make a difference in the things you worry about. I'm with Snowflake on the overtime thing--it's not for me anymore because I'd rather be enjoying my time off with my friends, family, or just being home with my dogs.

I'm very very fortunate that right now my immediate worry in life (except of course for the worry that having been diagnosed with cancer twice leaves me with constantly)is my golf game, and while some of my friends get nuts over a bad round, hey, it's just golf and if you can get up in the morning and go play, that's a very good thing, no matter what the score is.

Even with all the worry that's associated with this, I'm living life from a much, much better perspective now. While I'd rather none of this had never happened of course, I guess this is the good stuff that came out of it all.....

Cindy