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CindyA

My Grandmother has left recently but I'm doing okay...

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Hi LCSC-ers,

 

I was very close to my grandmother. I mean so close that I literally called her my best friend. She was 86. She had a hard life, and then it got better when she met my Grandfather T.P., short for Thomas Payne.  When he was getting treated for his cancer she had to have open heart surgery and I temporarily took on role as caregiver since I was the only grown grandchild in 1998 besides my brother (who was 8yrs old). I stayed with him in a hospital suite while she had her surgery and then took care of both of them until he changed his residence to Heaven. I feel our bond grew stronger then and got stronger with time. Well, she suddenly fell down November 6th and then she moved her residence to Heaven, a short 36 hours later. Grief and I aren't strangers but it is different this time, it is a stronger pull, a dense fog that isn't dissipating. I am trying to be my usual happy/optimistic self as I usually am, but it feels like things are going slower. Most days I'm just faking it so well, so no one will ask me what's wrong. I'm really okay though.

 

Some days are harder than others. I was feeling pretty sad over the weekend so I figured she would have probably told me how I need to quit moping around and clean something, or go do something. I almost called her yesterday to tell her I cleaned out 3 closets, but then that's where the pause, then sigh, then fog came back. That's one thing I will miss the most. All of our conversations. They would always start with me asking if she was out at the bars, and then she'd say YES OF COURSE, HOW ABOUT YOU? JUST GETTING IN FROM THE GYM? Then we would both laugh hysterically because she never drank and I never exercised. 

 

Taking it day by day,

Cindy

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You know my old remedy fro when your missing someone really bad and want to talk???? LOL... take a drink or something you can enjoy outside or if it is too cold and go near a window... open the blinds if your indoors and look up and have a long talk with the one your missing ..... and not too yourself if you don't want to....have a long talk and say everything on your mind.. this is lots more fun when it is warm outdoors and relaxing but it helps if you can not get outside... in time you will get a sign or a response from then...then every time you se or smell or hear that sign your knowing they are there answering you...

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I found the GriefShare program (13 weeks) to be helpful. There were participants who had lots spouses, parents, grandparents, children, and friends. It was nice to talk with people in person who "get it" and I've kept in touch with a few people after the program ended.

 

I was super close to my Gram, too, and I still think about calling her every once in a while. She passed from cancer in 2002 and I miss her like it was yesterday. She taught me everything I know about baking and sewing and we spent a lot of time talking on the phone over the years.

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