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wedding vows

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I had lunch on Monday with an old college friend, and she told me the one thing she remembered about our wedding was how beautiful the vows were. That and Cheryl's post about their anniversary inspired me to look them up tonight, and I was amazed again by how close to perfect they were. We wrote them ourselves after reading several sets in a couple of wedding books. Anyway, this is my set:

I, Curtis, choose you, Becky, in the presence of this community, to be my wife, from this day forward.

To love you, to be a safe haven in your life;

To hold you close; to listen deeply when you are sad or angry;

To learn compassion with you;

To nourish you with my gentleness; to uphold you with my strength;

To love your body as it ages;

To weigh the effects of the words I speak and of the things I do;

To never take you for granted, but always to give thanks for your presence.

As our lives unfold together, I promise to be faithful, to always express my emotional truth

To embrace you as both teacher and student as we do what life calls us to do,

Individually and in relationship.

I don't know why I do this to myself. Now I won't be able to sleep for hours. Oh well.


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I think the grief is totally normal. It's been just a very short time ago that you lost her and your lives changed so dramatically and the vows, well, they were really beautiful. A wonderful bittersweet memory.....

I also think the "why do I do this to myself" part, well...my novice laymans psychological theory suggests that while you are still grieving so, you might be conflicted internally by those feelings you had/have for Becky and the new feelings you are developing for someone else.

I think that must be normal too. Afterall, you never imagined your life turning down this path or where you are in the journey of life now compared to 2, 3, 4 years ago....Sometimes there's just no where to put the feelings or the emotions of everything bad and everything good and they just have to come out, be released, onto paper or in tears or in other ways.

We are here for you always.

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I have a very auditory memory; I remember voices and conversations, sounds. If I got into my quiet centered place, I could basically give you the sermon from last week almost verbatim.

I knew something had been bothering me about the vows since Monday when I had lunch with my college friend. And especially since Wednesday night when I dragged the vows out and read them again. I could hear me saying the vows, but I could not hear Becky. I sat straight up at 5 am this morning knowing that is what has been bothering me. I could tell you about it; I remembered that she had a tremor in her voice from being nervous and quiet and so on. But it was not the auditory memory. Kind of like when you read song lyrics.

And so bleary-eyed this morning, I got the vows back out and I got into my quiet place and I listened and listened, and I was able to get it back. A phrase at a time, and not in order. I could again hear her soft voice with the little tremble. So it is in there, still. Thank goodness.

And so maybe this will get me back on the beam studying wise. I have not gotten near enough done the last three days, and that needs to end right now. So I am off to work.


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