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Reality vs Fears

KatieB

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fears.jpg

 

I am a two year survivor of a stage 4 gentic autoimmune liver disease.  Although I am stable and in "good" health. I suffer from abdominal and muscular pain- rhumatoid arthritis and side effects from diabetes and Hashimotos thyroid disease.  It's a lot- but it's manageable and I'm living very well with chronic disease.

Before I was diagnosed- I was a high energy non-stop person.  I didn't stop working until I had finished every last "to-do" on my list.  I didn't have unfinished projects in my home and I always cleaned up after everyone else.  I rarely slept!

Now, I still do that, but I'm a little slower.  My body hurts during and afterwards.I also have a different kind of urgency that I didn't realize I had until my husband called me out the other day.

Husband:  "Go lay down!  You have to stop lifting and moving and you need to just rest."

Me:  "I can't rest.  I have so much to do."

Husband:  "You'll get it done later."

Then my fear hit me smack in the face:  What if I'm not here later?  Who is going to do it?

Now listen, I plan to be around for many years.  The reality is, I am here now, but the fear of death and my family losing me, however deeply hidden, is real.  

How do you deal with your reality and fears?  

 



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