Ann

I have to agree with Charlie..... Meet the Fockers

Ginny...like Connie, I can hardly believe that it has been one year since you lost the love of your life. I just realized that you and I both have something in common...26 years with the man of our dreams. I'm so glad you're going to be keeping busy this evening. Ginny, I just want to take this opportunity to tell you how very special you are and how much your positive posts mean to so many people. I, for one, can definitely understand why your dear Earl loved you so much!!! I'm going to have a drink this evening and raise a glass to "The Duke."

'THE STANCE' My mother was a fanatic about public toilets. As a little girl, she'd bring me in the stall, teach me to wad up toilet paper and wipe the seat. Then, she'd carefully lay strips of toilet paper to cover the seat. Finally, she'd instruct, "Never, never sit on a public toilet seat." And she'd demonstrate "The Stance," which consisted of balancing over the toilet in a sitting position without actually letting any of your flesh make contact with the toilet seat. But by this time, I'd have wet down my leg. And we'd go home. That was a long time ago. Even now in our more mature years, The Stance is excruciatingly difficult to maintain when one's bladder is especially full. When you have to "go" in a public bathroom, you find a line of women that makes you think there's a half-price sale on Mel Gibson's underwear in there. So, you wait and smile politely at all the other ladies, also crossing their legs and smiling politely. And you finally get closer. You check for feet under the stall doors. Every one is occupied. Finally, a stall door opens and you dash, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter. You hang your purse on the door hook, yank down your pants and assume "The Stance." Relief. More relief. Then your thighs begin to shake. You'd love to sit down but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold The Stance as your thighs experience a quake that would register an eight on the Richter scale. To take your mind off it, you reach for the toilet paper. The toilet paper dispenser is empty. Your thighs shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on that's in your purse. It would have to do. You crumble it in the puffiest way possible. It is still smaller than your thumbnail. Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch doesn't work and your purse whams you in the head. "Occupied!" you scream as you reach out for the door, dropping your tissue in a puddle and falling backward, directly onto the toilet seat. You get up quickly, but it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with all the germs and life forms on the bare seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper, not that there was any, even if you had enough time to. And your mother would be utterly ashamed of you if she knew, because her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, "You don't know what kind of diseases you could get." And by this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, sending up a stream of water akin to a fountain and then it suddenly sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged to China. At that point, you give up. You're soaked by the splashing water. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a Chicklet wrapper you found in your pocket, then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how to operate the sinks with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past a line of women, still waiting, cross-legged and unable to smile politely at this point. One kind soul at the very end of the line points out that you are trailing a piece of toilet paper on your shoe as long as the Mississippi River! You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and say warmly, "Here. You might need this." At this time, you see your spouse, who has entered, used and exited his bathroom and read a copy of War and Peace while waiting for you. "What took you so long?" he asks, annoyed. This is when you kick him sharply in the shin and go home. This is dedicated to all women everywhere who have ever had to deal with a public toilet. And it finally explains to all you men what takes us so long.

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad? To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms son. Men use them to have safe sex." "Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?" The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday." "Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?" "Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday." "WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March......."

Nancy, I am heartbroken after reading your post. I know what you are feeling at this point in your life. Yes, we have had so much sadness and grief here to deal with and you are still trying to cope with Mike's death. Right about now is the time that people around you (friends, co-workers) are all consumed with their lives. They will rarely mention Mike anymore. To some, it's because they don't want to upset you while others just don't remember. I know that talking about Dennis was my way of keeping him alive. I know it's hard for people to understand that. Dennis knew so many people here in town and now it seems that I never talk to anyone that even knew him. Sometimes, I feel as if his live was nonexistent to anyone but me. Nancy, please talk to us about Mike. Like Pat said in her post...tell us all about him! You know, there are so many times I just want to tell someone...even a stranger...about the wonderful man I shared my life with. Nancy, please know that I am here to listen.

Oh Millie...all of this worry and stress must be terribly hard for you to handle. I'm sending you a big hug ((((((((Millie))))))) and saying prayers for your mom, dad and for YOU!!!!

Tina, I hope you and Charlie are celebrating a wonderful anniversary in Chattanooga today! I know it's a bit early but I'm raising my glass in a toast to the happy couple!!!

Cindi...This is really a reason to celebrate! Keep the pub open! See there...I knew Florida sunshine and a few days at the beach was just what your MOJO needed.

For over three years now, I have carried the receipt for the copayment at M.D. Anderson when Dennis was officially diagnosed with sclc. I think there are several reasons I carry that paper but the main reason is to remember how fragile life really is. When I am searching for something in my wallet and see that paper, I realize how all too short life can be.

Choose a unique item from your wallet and explain why you carry it around.

Nina, thanks for all the love and support you have given us!

Andrea, I'm saying lots of prayers for your mom!

What wonderful news!!! I think we should all drink to this! Does cindi have the bar open yet????

Great news, Lori. Now, just sit back, take a deep breath and let all that tension go when you exhale!!! I really think you and your mom should do something special and fun to celebrate!!!

GUEST APPLICATION FOR THE JERRY SPRINGER SHOW Personal Information: Name___________ Nickname______________ CB Handle___________ Yore Mama______________ Yore Daddy (if known)________________ Spouse's Name_________________ Relationship to spouse: ___Sister ____Brother ____Mother ____Father ___Pet ___Aunt ___Uncle Occupation: ___Unemployed Mechanic ___Gun Show Dealer ___Skinhead Number of Children in Household___ Number that are yours___ Circle Highest Level of Education: 1 2 3 4 How Far is Your Mobile Home From a Paved Road: ___1mi. __5 mi. ___? Number of Times You Have Survived a Tornado: ___ Number of Vehicles Owned___ Number on Cement Blocks___ Truck Equipment: ___Gun Rack ___Pit Bull ___Spit Cup ___Fuzzy Dice ___Rebel Flag ___Naked Woman Mudflaps ___NWO and/or NRA sticker Weapons Owned: ___Tire Iron ___Pick Handle ___Beer Bottle ___Shotgun Number of Dogs Owned: ___ Number of Homemade Tattoos: ___ Which of the Following Appliances are in your Front Yard: ___Friggerator ___Heatin Stove ___Warsher ___TV ___Freezer How Many of the Above Appliances Work: ___ Fav-o-rite Recreation: ___Drinkin ___Cow Chip Throwin ___Possum Huntin ___Crawdad Huntin ___Spittin Backy ___Scratchin ___Watchin Wrasslin If You Can Read, Which Magazines Do You Prefer: ___Soap Opera Digest ___True Confessions ___Rifle and Shotgun ___TV Guide ___National Enquirer Which Stinks Worse: ___Hogpen ___Outhouse ___Spouse Can You Spell Your Last Name: ___Yup ___Nope Can You Remember Your Last Name: ___Yup ___Nope Have You Ever Stayed Sober for More Than One Day: ___Yup ___Nope Do You Know Any Words with More Than 4 Letters: ___Yup ___Nope Which is Correct?: ___"I Seed Him" or ___"I Seen Him" How Many Cartons of Cigarettes Do You Smoke a Day? ___ Math Test: How Many Food Stamps Do the Following Cost? ___Six Pack ___Ciggies ___Shotgun Shells ___Backy ___Prostitute Number of Times You've Seen: ___a UFO ___ Elvis ___Elvis in a UFO Health Questionnaire: Which of the Following Do You Have? ___Head Lice ___B.O. ___Crabs ___Runny Nose ___Boils Can You Remember the Last Time You Bathed? ___Yup ___Nope Color of Teeth: ___Yellow ___Brown ___Black ___N/A I hereby swear this is the trooth and sign my "X" on ______________19__

40 things you will never hear a redneck say 40. Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen. 39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex. 38. Duct tape won't fix that. 37. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan. 36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken. 35. We don't keep firearms in this house. 34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer? 33. You can't feed that to the dog. 32. I thought Graceland was tacky. 31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe. 30. Wrasslin's fake. 29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace? 28. We're vegetarians. 27. Do you think my gut is too big? 26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy. 25. Honey, we don't need another dog. 24. Who gives a damn who won the Civil War? 23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds. 22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor. 21. Spittin is such a nasty habit. 20. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today. 19. Trim the fat off that steak. 18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso. 17. The tires on that truck are too big. 16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad. 15. I've got it all on the C: drive. 14. Unsweetened tea tastes better. 13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled? 12. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's. 11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl. 10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams. 9. Checkmate. 8. She's too young to be wearing a bikini. 7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts? 6. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen. 5. I don't have a favorite college team. 4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side. 3. You All. 2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer. And, Number ONE is: 1. Nope, no more for me. I'm driving tonight.

Things Not To Say To A Cop 1. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. 2. Aren't you that guy from the Village People? 3. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on COPS? 4. Hey, you must have been doin' at least 120 mph to keep up with me...Good job! 5. Bad cop! No donut! 6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a cop. 7. Gee, Officer...that's terrific...the last officer only gave me a warning too! 8. I almost decided to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead. 9. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you? 10. I pay your salary! 11. Excuse me...is stick up hyphenated? 12. Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand. 13. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence. 14. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does. 15. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around-that's how far ahead of me they are.

There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking his beer, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and -- WHACK!! -- knocks him off the bar stool and onto the floor. The big dude says, "That was a karate chop from Korea." The little guy thinks "GEEZ," but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden -- WHACK!! -- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, "That was a judo chop from Japan." So the little guy has had enough of this... He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves. The little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returned. Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big dude and -- WHAM!!!" -- knocks the big dude off his stool, knocking him out cold!!! The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he gets up, tell him that's a crowbar from Sears.

Your post made me really teary eyed. My heart goes out to you and the position you're in right now. The fact that your dad made it through the first surgery is very good. I know you are very worried right now and when we worry, we always seem to think of the very worst that coupld possibly happen. Right now, try and take a few deep breaths and think about what the situation really is right now. At this point, you don't know for sure if your dad will need additional surgery. I will certainly be praying that he doesn't. I know how scared you must be ! Just try and remember that your dad is gathering a lot of strength from you right now. As for feeling selfish, just remember that you are never being selfish when you want what is truly best for your dad. It's perfectly fine to throw a pity party....as long as we are all invited!!!!

I just love all of these answers but I have to tell you that Ry's answer just cracked me up!!!!

OK guys...her goes. I really always have loved the name Sarah and was going to name a little girl that but instead I had three boys so Sarah was never fitting...lol! I don't know exactly what it is about the name that I find so special...but I do. My grandmothers name was Lily Jeanette. I had also thought of naming a daugher Lily Anjeanette. That would have worked my name in also. I just think Ann is so plain and to the point. Names with more syllables are nice.

Joyce and Steve....What an absolutely wonderful website your son has designed. If this is a result of what he can "throw together" I am sure I would be truly amazed at something he took a long time planning. I really love the idea of the lighted ribbon. I would love to organize something like this in my area. I so hope that Steve will be feeling better and have more strength very soon.

Sending out an APB for Uncle Doug!!!!!!

Ralph...we will be thinking of you and praying that all goes well with your surgery. Please let us know how you are doing as soon as you feel up to it. It's so good to see such a positive attitude!! Attitude does matter!!!

I was in a class last night and we were given these questions to answer as a way to know each other better. I thought it might be fun to share a new one each day...... 1. If you were to choose a new name for yourself, what would it be?