Ann

Melanie, it is so great to hear from you and even better to hear how wonderful you are doing. Isn't it great when our children accomplish their goals and turn into beautiful adults? Please keep in touch!!!

Wendy, I know how heartbroken you are and I hope it will help to know how much we all care. I will be saying prayers for you during this difficult time.

Happy Birthday To You Katie, We all Love You For All That You Do....... Happy Birthday To You!!!!!! And Many More....... Try singing this to the tune and it makes more sense!!! Hope you had a beautiful day, dear Katie!!!

Oh Kel, I am so very sorry to hear this news. I'm saying a little prayer for you right now, asking God to give you strength! (((((((((Hugs)))))))))).

Kim, I am so glad you found this site. You will find so much help from everyone on this board. I know what a shock the original diagnosis must have been for you. I think it was terrible that you weren't allowed to digest this information and then let your family know in your own way. Sometimes, doctors can be so very insensitive to the needs and feelings of others. Anyway, we're all here for you now!

Kelly, I doubt that anyone here is surprised that you are having all of these feelings. Like many have already said, eight months is not a long time at all. I lost Dennis on December 15, 2002 and there are many times that all of the wounds feel so fresh and I feel as if it just happened. I have always thought that the one thing that gets you through all this is having someone to talk to. Luckily, I had friends that were very good listeners. Like you, I often wonder if I need to talk to a professional. i have found that my insurance does cover some counseling. I think I may take advantage of that benefit and just make an appointment and take a huge box of tissue and let the feelings roll! You can always talk to us at anytime. The members on this board have a lot of experience dealing with pain and grief! Have you thought of starting a journal and writing your thoughts and feelings down? I did this as if I was talking directly to Dennis. It really did help! At first, I wrote an entry every single day. Now, I just write when I feel all the things I want to tell him really build up. When I go back now and read what I wrote just after his death, I can see what strides I have made in the healing process. Regardless of what you do to help you heal, please remember that we are here for you and are sending prayers for you!!!!

Thanks for all of the kind words. For those of you that don't remember my original post, I would like to share this story. I'm a Notary and was asked, by my boss, to go to this lady's house and notarize a Notice of Commencement for work we were going to be doing. On our first visit, I discovered that she had just been diagnosed with SCLC. This was one of the few people I have met with this type of cancer since Dennis's death. When she told me about her cancer, I immediateky told her that my husband had SCLC. Her almost immediate question caught me completely off guard..."Did he survive?" I gave her the honest answer and was so torn wondering if I did the right thing. I even came to this board for advice. I just kept thinking that I would probably never see this beautiful little lady again and wondered if I should have told a "little white lie." I thought this might have given her soem hope. Well, it just so happened that I made several more visits with Virginia during the next few months and realized I had done the right thing. She now had someone to talk to that had been through all the trials and tribulations she was experiencing. Her companion through her illness was her little white dog named Winston. He was a true joy to her. She was so concerned that he suddenly stopped sleeping at the foot of her bed right after she ws diagnosed. He still was her faithful little friend but would no longer sleep with her. It makes us wonder how much insight our pets really have? Was he preparing himself in advance....much like many of us have attempted to do upon learning about the diagnosos of our loved one? She spoke to me so many times about her concerns for Winston and what would happen to him should she not make it. Now, I wonder if those talks were her way of asking me to care for Winston? I'm going to give her son another call today and at least check on Winston.

So great to hear from you Cathy. I'm thinking of you often and saying lots of prayers! Hang in there and keep up that GREAT attitude!!!!

Curtis, thanks so much for sharing this with us. I still have chills. Was this done via telephone or in person? I have spoken with someone in a group setting but would like to schedule a one-on-one session.

Donna, you are so observant. I agree that this increase in members is bittersweet but this is the best place to be for caring support!

I am so sorry to hear this terrible news. I know how heartbroken you must be. I pray that God will grant you peace, comfort and understanding during the days to come.

I am so very sorry to read of your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Some of you may recall my posts about meeting the lovely little lady, Virginia, that had lung cancer. On my first meeting with her, I told her my husband had lung cancer. She looked up at me with the most beautiful eyes and asked..."Did he make it?" I had to answer honestly that he did not and I was very worried about what this would do to her spirits. I was notified yesterday, that after a five month battle with SCLC, she passed to heaven to join a host of other angels that have had a presence on this board. Please say a little prayer for Virginia and also remember her sweet little dog, Winston, who will be lost without his mommy.

Beth, I am so glad they found the problem. I had my gallbladder removed and am so thankful that I will never have another attack. The pain and nausea can be terrible. I'm sure you will feel much better once your surgery is over!!! Prayers for you!!!

Andrea, I am so glad to hear that things are looking better for you. Your Mom must be a really remarkable lady! Keeping you in my prayers!

Oh Frank...I love your post!!! Keep up that great attitude and fight with all your might!!!

Paddy, best of luck on your move. Fresh starts can often really help us put a new prospective on life. I can so relate to your feelings about getting rid of your husband's things. I am still working on that. I have a large storage unit that is absolutely packed with Dennis's belongings. Besides the heartaches of seeing the things, it is also expensive. My Dennis had so many interests and hobbies and it seems each one of them required things that took up lots of space....astronomy, ham radios, fishing, his boat and all the electronics, radio controlled airplaces, hunting. Plus....he collected guns!!! My youngest son just bought his first home and I have notified all three boys that we are picking a date and meeting at the storage unit. I want each of them to take what they want or need and then I will deal with trying to find homes for the rest. I know I could make a lot of money from selling some of this stuff but the thought of parting with his things is still too much for me!!!

What a very brave gal you are! I am so proud of you and I know your Mom gets a great deal of strength from your support. I'm sure that your Dad is very afraid of what lies ahead for him. Dealing with an illness is a very emotional issue for a spouse. Please don't ever think that you are whining. I consider your post merely venting and letting a few frustrations come out! We're always here for you! You have no idea how much enjoyment I get from all your posts about Carolyn!!! Babies are such treasures and hearing all about them makes me realize how special many things in life are!!!

So very sorry to hear that things are not going well for you or your Dad right now. I know how terribly hard it is when you reach the point when someone refuses to eat or drink. I used to spend hours every day just begging Dennis to take a few sips of something. I think you have the right idea to seek immediate medical attention if your Dad is showing signs of dehydration. Praying things set better for you.

So glad to hear everyone had such a beautiful day. Weddings and new babies can certainly make us remember all the happy things in life!

Dani, I know how deeply you must miss your sister. Silence and having no one answer you back is a terrible thing. You know, I had a good chuckle the other night while thinking about silence. I used to get so angry with Dennis when I would ask him something when he was in the middle of a football game or a NASCAR race and he would ignore me. Usually I wouldn't get completely ignored but would get a nod, as if he was agreeing with me, although he had no idea what I was saying. Now, I would give anyhting to have him sitting on the sofa, watching a ballgame and giving me his "nod". Kasey is so right about being angry with the people that say..."oh you can still talk to him." Most of these people that offer this advice have never experienced the loss of someone close. When Dennis died, a friend suggested that I buy a journal and write my thoughts and feelings down whenever I needed to talk to Dennis. In the days just after he died, I wrote like crazy. Now, I only write only occasionally. But, you know, I really think it helps me. Sometimes, I look back on what I wrote right after I lost him and I see what a state of mind I was in and now see how much better I am handling things. I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and hoping each day will get a little brighter for you!

First, I am so sorry that you had to deal with this issue on an occasion that was so special for you. Second, a few of my views on ACS. Dennis received the same type of response as most of you when we turned to them for help. Of course, he was a smoker but he was treated like a leper as soon as they heard the words lung cancer patient. It was almost as if they had the attitude that their funds are wasted if you have lung cancer, as they seem to think you won't survive anyway. The first time I contacted them, the woman asked me "how many months does he have"? Now, keep in mind that all I had told her was that he had been diagnosed with lung cancer. ALso, it makes me very angry that they don't make it more well known about the programs they have available to help patients and their families. If a friend hadn't filled us in, I would have never known about the mileage reimbursement program or the lodging assistance program. Dennis was receiving treatment in Orlando and we would travel about 350 miles a week for his chemo and doctor visits. As I finally discovered, we were reimbursed mileage costs. I filled out a mileage form and the doctor would sign the form when complete. I would then receive a check from ACS in the mail. They also helped with lodging costs for me when he was hospitalized out of town. Granted, these programs are great but how many people ever know these services are available???

Jane, it is so good to hear from you and get an update on how you are doing. I know June 11th will be a hard day for you. Anniversaries, birthdays and holidays are all still very hard for me to handle. It seems like I become a basket case when these date approach. June 10th would have been Dennis's 53rd birthday. I know that will be a hard day for me to deal with. I can definitely relate to the comfort you fel in those late nights of thinking. I love the night and times I have alone to think....and remember. I also seem to think of Dennis a lot when I'm in the shower. Everytime I shower, I remember how hard it was near the end for me to help him in and out of the shower. But...for some reason, I seem to feel "connected" while in the shower. I think getting the kitten is an absolutely wonderful idea and the name is purely purrfect!!!! I recently watched an old Disney movie "FLUKE." It's such a great liitle movie about a dog that begine to recall his previous life as a man and makes his way back to his wife and son. It had its moments of making me teary eyed. I guess I too often "reach" for things and signs that I have some connection with Dennis. After watching that movie, I look at animals in a much different light! Please keep in touch and know that I will be praying you through June 11th.

So sorry to hear you are dealing with this issue that shouldn't even exist. What is the big deal with a marker on your stepmother's part? You would think she would certainly want to mark her departed husband's gravesite...especially since the VA will provide a marker at no cost to the family. Maybe she is just opposing the idea because it is yours? Maybe if you just let the issue ride for a while and don't bring it up to her, she will figure it's not a big deal for you and will go ahead and order the marker.

I don't have any good advice or suggestions for you but I do want you to know that I am so sorry you are dealing with all this. I just wanted to let you know that I am sending good thoughts and moral support your way. These sound like some really hard decisions you and your brother are having to make. I hope you can "meet in the middle" and find solutions that are good and fair for both of you!