Ann

Name 3......... things you throw away everyday.... 1. 2. 3.

Lillian, I am so glad to hear you are having such a wonderful time with your family!!!

You guys all have such great ideas. I think this is going to be a really fun and fulfilling project for all of our members. Patti...I love those blankies!!! My DIL made me one for Christmas. She does a great job with these, so I can have her teach us how. Please....more ideas!!!

It's a beautiful morning here in Palm Bay, Florida. The temperature is in the low 70's and the skies are that beautiful brilliant blue. I'm actually having a really good hair day today, as the humidity is low. We are really dry here, as we have had only trace amounts of rain all winter. I've been in a great mood all week and can only attribute it to Spring Fever. Since living in Florida, spring is my favorite season. When I lived in Tennessee, fall was definitely my favorite. Every year, just about this time, I get the urge to do things associated with spring. I want to clean house, plant flowers and attend every weekend outdoor festival being held. Of course, I don't have a green thumb so the flowers don't always do so well. Lots of things going on this weekend. On Saturday, we have the Grant Seafood Festival. I wait all year for this. Grant is a quaint little town, filled with lots of Florida "cracker" homes and people. People come from all over the country for this event. The town has volunteers that cook and serve the food....all kinds of seafood. It's wonderful!!! They have bands, crafters and it's just a great time. Sunday is my middle son's birthday. He is a pizza lover, so instead of going out for dinner or ordering pizza in, we're all going to make pizza. I'm going to have dough, sauce and lots of toppings ready. The DIL's are bringing their pizza stones ( I have 2) and we're just going to have fun, make a huge mess and eat lots of pizza. Ella, who is now 2, loves to be in the kitchen and she loves putting toppings on pizza. She already has her little apron. So...today is beautiful here in sunny central Florida!!!

BAD ADS: # 2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, Perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess. # Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family. # A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms. # Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00. # For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. # Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover. # Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too. # Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory. # Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night # We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. # For Sale.Three canaries of undermined sex. # For Sale-- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy. # Great Dames for sale. # Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition. # Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it. # Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. # Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. # Mt.Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in. # Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours. # Toaster: A gift that every member of the familyappreciates. Automatically burns toast. # Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else. # Stock up and save. Limit: one. # For Rent: 6-room hated apartment. # Man, honest. Will take anything. # Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required. # Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. # Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first! # Christmans tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person. # Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential. # Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. # 3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred. # Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included. # Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops. # Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery.Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again. # Illiterate? Write today for free help. # Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary. # Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family. # And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size,unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience. # We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.

You have four unexpected guests showing up for dinner in less than an hour, you haven't been to the store in days, and you want to impress them with a delicious meal. What do you serve them?

Sometimes we just look too hard. I've found that when my mind is just blank and I'm all relaxed, Dennis will come to me and let me know he's close. I'm so glad your sweet little one relayed the message!!!

I'm giving up fried foods. I know this may sound easy for some but being a southern gal, I love just about anything that's been deep fried. Like others, I'm in a constant battle to lose a couple of pounds and due to fried foods and my love of carbs, it never happens. So...no more french fries for me.

Today is the first day of the Season of Lent. Are you giving anything up for the next 40 days?

I got 7/10 http://encarta.msn.com/quiz_228/urban_l ... ?gt1=27004

Here in Florida, flip-flops are about as close to slippers as I can get!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rooyt3ptNco

Little Tony was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her: 'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?' She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. 'It's called sexual intercourse, darling.' Little Tony said, 'Oh, OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids. A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds And Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you.'

I'm heading a group of our American Legion Ladies's Auxiliary this year and I want to do something to help cancer patients and their families while they are receiving chemotherapy. I remember when Dennis was getting chemo, we were at MD Anderson for 5-6 hours some days and you can only read a magazine so many times before it becomes very boring. I have an idea to fill bags with things that can help pass the time while either having chemo or waiting on a patient. I need you to help me think of items to collect for these bags. I have thought of crossword puzzle books, word search books, snacks, pens and pencils,and note pads. But...I know you guys and gals can help me be more creative. So....please share some ideas!!!!

We were at my son's house and had taken Tanner Dog with us. I was having a hard time keeping him out of the kitchen, so I decided to put him to work.....

Today Is: Wear Your Slippers Day! Do you generally wear slippers in your home?

http://www.thinkingfountain.org/c/cross ... atbar.html

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help. A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant. Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants... takes hold of the boy's testicles... and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word. As soon as he's sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her; saying, 'I've never seen anybody do anything like that before. It was fantastic! Are you a doctor?' 'No,' the woman replied. 'Divorce attorney.'

I'm very guilty of not being here every day, but not because I don't want to. I try and sneak in and add something while at work but that's not an option every day. Like you, I miss so many people from this board. I have been coming here for so many years and have made so many good friends along the way. I hope your post encourages members to check in every day!!!

http://www.whatsinyouremail.com/wp-file ... ld_gal.wmv

A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again. She put an ad in the local paper that read: HUSBAND WANTED: MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP- 70's MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME & MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON. On the second day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs. The old woman said, 'You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs! The old man smiled, 'Therefore, I cannot run around on you!' She snorted. 'You don't have any arms either!' Again, the old man smiled, 'Therefore, I can never beat you!' She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, 'Are you still good in bed???' The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said, 'Rang the doorbell didn't I?'

If you could choose any time period in which to have been born, which one would you pick?

Having recently gone through the prep for both a signoidoscopy and a colonoscopy within two weeks of each other recently, I read this last night and laughed til I cried... Dave Barry is a nationally known syndicated newspaper columnist, this is from his colonoscopy journal I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis. Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!' I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies. I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the moviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon. The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground. MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet. After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough. At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked. Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house. On the subject of Colonoscopies. .. Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous.... . A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies: 1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before! 2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?' 3. 'Can you hear me NOW?' 4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?' 5. 'You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married.' 6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?' 7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...' 8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!' 9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit! 10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.' 11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?' 12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.' And the best one of all. 13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'

I absolutely love this. I wish I could find a tee shirt with this printed on it!!! Women are not supposed to: snore, burp, sweat, OR pass gas! Therefore, we must witch or we will blow up.