Ann

To All My Family and Friends: Just a note to let you know I am hoping to see you Thanksgiving Day. But.. Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I'm telling you in advance, so don't act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've made a few small changes: Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect. Once inside, our guests will note that the entry hall is not decorated with the swags of Indian corn and fall foliage I had planned to make. Instead, I've gotten the dog involved in the decorating by having her track in colorful autumn leaves from the front yard. The mud was her idea. The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy China, or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a fork. Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last Christmas. Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I promised. Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted from the finest construction paper. The artist assures me it is a turkey. We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you while you wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I have made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims and the turkey hotline. Please remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00 a.m. upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds. As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don't own a recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying. We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the start of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method. We've also decided against a formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like. In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit at a separate table. In a separate room. Next door. Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening at our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private ceremony. I stress "private" meaning: Do not, under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will eventually win. When I do, we will eat. I would like to take this opportunity to remind my young diners that "passing the rolls" is not a football play. Nor is it a request to bean your sister in the head with warm tasty bread. Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice between 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and small fingerprints. You will still have a choice; take it or leave it. I hope you aren't too disappointed that Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. She probably won't come next year either.

Be sure to take the quiz at the bottom. My results show that I shouldn't tell my age...lol OLDER THAN DIRT "Hey Dad," one of my kids asked the other day, "What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?" "We didn't have fast food when I was growing up," I informed him. "All the food was slow." "C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?" "It was a place called 'at home,'" I explained. "Grandma cooked every day and when Grandpa got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it." By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table. But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it: Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levis, set foot on a golf course, travelled out of the country or had a credit card. In their later years they had something called a store card. The card was good only at Farmers (now Myers). My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow). We didn't have a television in our house until I was 11, but my grandparents had one before that. It was, of course, black and white, but they bought a piece of colored plastic to cover the screen. The top third was blue, like the sky, and the bottom third was green, like grass. The middle third was red. It was perfect for programs that had scenes of fire trucks riding across someone's lawn on a sunny day Some people had a lens taped to the front of the TV to make the picture look larger. I was 13 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called "pizza pie." When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still the best pizza I ever had. We didn't have a car until I was 15. Before that, the only car in our family was my grandfather's Ford. He called it a "machine." I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line. Pizzas were not delivered to our home. But milk was. All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers. I delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which I got to keep 2 cents. I had to get up at 4 AM every morning. On Saturday, I had to collect the 42 cents from my customers. My favorite customers were the ones who gave me 50 cents and told me to keep the change. My least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day. Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. Touching someone else's tongue with yours was called French kissing and they didn't do that in movies. I don't know what they did in French movies. French movies were dirty and we weren't allowed to see them. If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing. Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it? MEMORIES from a friend: My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he brought me an old tomato sauce bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to "sprinkle" clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old. Older Than Dirt Quiz: How many do you remember? Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about . Ratings at the bottom. 1. Cho Cho bar 2. Drive ins 3. Candy cigarettes 4. Soft drink machines that dispensed glass bottles 5. Coffee shops or milk bars with tableside juke boxes 6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with foil stoppers 7. Party lines 8. Newsreels before the movie 9. Packards 10. Blue flashbulb 11. Telephone numbers with 2 letters and 4 numbers 12. Peashooters 13. Wash tub wringer 14. 78 RPM records 15. Metal ice trays with lever 16. Studebakers 17. Cracker night 18. Using hand signals for cars without turn signals 19. Bread delivered by horse and cart 20. Head lights dimmer switches on the floor 21. Ignition switches on the dashboard 22. Heaters mounted on the inside of the wall 23. Real ice boxes 24. Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards 25. Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age, If you remembered 16-25 = You're older than dirt! I might be older than dirt but those memories are the best part of my life.

I'm grateful for my best friend, Sue. Without her love and understanding, I have no idea what state my life would be in right now. I'm so grateful for her ability to listen and to always know just what to say to comfort me.

I was really surprised that Marie is going to the finals! I thought Jenny's dancing was much better than Marie's but Marie has got charisma and that's waht gets those votes. The finals should be interesting and we will finally see if it's about dancing ability or charm.

TWAS THE NIGHT OF THANKSGIVING, BUT I JUST COULDN'T SLEEP I TRIED COUNTING BACKWARDS, I TRIED COUNTING SHEEP. THE LEFTOVERS BECKONED - THE DARK MEAT AND WHITE BUT I FOUGHT THE TEMPTATION WITH ALL OF MY MIGHT TOSSING AND TURNING WITH ANTICIPATION THE THOUGHT OF A SNACK BECAME INFATUATION. SO, I RACED TO THE KITCHEN, FLUNG OPEN THE DOOR AND GAZED AT THE FRIDGE, FULL OF GOODIES GALORE. I GOBBLED UP TURKEY AND BUTTERED POTATOES, PICKLES AND CARROTS, BEANS AND TOMATOES. I FELT MYSELF SWELLING SO PLUMP AND SO ROUND, 'TIL ALL OF A SUDDEN, I ROSE OFF THE GROUND. I CRASHED THROUGH THE CEILING, FLOATING INTO THE SKY WITH A MOUTHFUL OF PUDDING AND A HANDFUL OF PIE. BUT, I MANAGED TO YELL AS I SOARED PAST THE TREES.... HAPPY EATING TO ALL - PASS THE CRANBERRIES, PLEASE. MAY YOUR STUFFING BE TASTY, MAY YOUR TURKEY BE PLUMP. MAY YOUR POTATOES 'N GRAVY HAVE NARY A LUMP. MAY YOUR YAMS BE DELICIOUS, MAY YOUR PIES TAKE THE PRIZE, MAY YOUR THANKSGIVING DINNER STAY OFF OF YOUR THIGHS.

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.She asks him why he is staring.He replies..."I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you,"She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush..But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying."My dear child," said the nun, "Why are you crying?""Forgive me, but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween Party."

IT WAS ALREADY LATE FALL AND THE INDIANS ON A REMOTE RESERVATION IN SOUTH DAKOTA ASKED THEIR NEW CHIEF IF THE COMING WINTER WAS GOING TO BE COLD OR MILD. SINCE HE WAS A CHIEF IN A MODERN SOCIETY HE HAD NEVER BEEN TAUGHT THE OLD SECRETS. WHEN HE LOOKED AT THE SKY HE COULD NOT TELL WHAT THE WINTER WAS GOING TO BE LIKE. NEVERTHELESS, TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE, HE TOLD HIS TRIBE THAT THE WINTER WAS INDEED GOING TO BE COLD AND THAT THE MEMBERS OF THE VILLAGE SHOULD COLLECT FIREWOOD TO BE PREPARED. BUT BEING A PRACTICAL LEADER, AFTER SEVERAL DAYS HE GOT AN IDEA. HE WENT TO THE PHONE BOOTH, CALLED THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE AND ASKED, "IS THE COMING WINTER GOING TO BE COLD?" "IT LOOKS LIKE THIS WINTER IS GOING TO BE QUITE COLD," THE METEOROLOGIST AT THE WEATHER SERVICE RESPONDED. SO THE CHIEF WENT BACK TO HIS PEOPLE AND TOLD THEM TO COLLECT EVEN MORE FIREWOOD IN ORDER TO BE PREPARED. A WEEK LATER HE CALLED THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE AGAIN. "DOES IT STILL LOOK LI KE IT IS GOING TO BE A VERY COLD WINTER?" "YES," THE MAN AT NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE AGAIN REPLIED, "IT'S GOING TO BE A VERY COLD WINTER." THE CHIEF AGAIN WENT BACK TO HIS PEOPLE AND ORDERED THEM TO COLLECT EVERY SCRAP OF FIREWOOD THEY COULD FIND. TWO WEEKS LATER THE CHIEF CALLED THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE AGAIN. "ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY SURE THAT THE WINTER IS GOING TO BE VERY COLD?" "ABSOLUTELY," THE MAN REPLIED. "IT'S LOOKING MORE AND MORE LIKE IT IS GOING TO BE ONE OF THE COLDEST WINTERS WE'VE EVER SEEN." "HOW CAN YOU BE SO SURE?" THE CHIEF ASKED. THE WEATHERMAN REPLIED, "THE INDIANS ARE COLLECTING FIREWOOD LIKE CRAZY." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ginny...I know you're watching!!! I really have loved this show since it's beginning and this season is no different. I think this season has had some really talented dancers on board. So, who do you think will be in the finals? I'm cheering Helio and Julianne on for a win!!!

Mashed Potatoes

I like the white meat but all three of my sons like the dark meat from the leg. They say it's much tastier.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Krfew0Jyvbw

I miss you, Rich !!! Saying prayers that you're out of the hospital in time for turkey day!!!

Like Pat, I'm very grateful for a four day weekend. Those seem to be so far and few between and I really enjoy the time to be lazy and relaxed.

I'm so very sorry.

So very sorry for your loss. I will be saying prayers for you during this really tough time.

Next poster lists a word that they associate with the word above. I'll begin.... TURKEY

OK...time to talk turkey !!!! Which do you prefer...white or dark turkey meat???

Lil, it's so very good to hear joy in your words. There have been so many times we have shared heavy hearts and faced days when we thought the sun would never shine again. And yes, we never really know why things happen but we usually find that God has a plan for us. You're such a wonderful person...so sharing, caring and giving. I can imagine that God brought you to this place in the road so that you can offer hope to some that may have lost hope in their lives. Your story is certainly one to share with others. You have overcome so much in the five years that I have known you and I am very proud to be your friend. I'm so glad that you are in a place that truly feels like home!!!

((((((((((Val)))))))))) Sending you some "hang in there" hugs today!!!

I like to make my own sauce but usually run out of time and end up opening a can of the whole berry sauce.

(((((Lillian))))) I know how difficult this time of year is....for both of us. Like you, I have also been remembering what happened in my life...almost five years ago now. I can hardly believe that five years have passed. I never thought I would survive losing Dennis but God has helped me and life is good. I know you and I have had so much in common and have helped each other survive. Thank you so much for always being here for me and for being such a wonderful inspiration for all os us. Your love for Johnny will always live on through your stories and memories. I hope you make many more wonderful memories while visiting your family for the holidays!!!

Welcome to this big beautiful world, Rebecca Marie!! Kelly, I know that precious little girl will realize what a wonderful family she has!!!

9 out of 12 here.

So...which of these is your favorite??? Homemade cranberry sauce, jellied cranberries or canned chuncky cranberry sauce?

I know some of you feel as strongly as I do about this topic, so I thought I'd share a poem with you...author unknown. The month before Christmas When all through our land, Not a Christian was praying Nor taking a stand. Why the PC Police had taken away, The reason for Christmas - no one could say. The children were told by their schools not to sing, About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things. It might hurt people's feelings, the teachers would say December 25th is just a 'Holiday.' Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks and credit Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it! CDs from Madonna, an X BOX, an I-pod Something was changing, something quite odd! Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa In hopes to sell books by Franken & Fonda. As Targets were hanging their trees upside down At Lowe's the word Christmas - was no where to be found. At K-Mart and Staples and Penny's and Sears You won't hear the word Christmas; it won't touch your ears. Inclusive, sensitive, Di-ver-si-ty Are words that were used to intimidate me. Now Daschle, Now Darden, Now Sharpton, Wolf Blitzen On Boxer, on Rather, on Kerry, on Clinton! At the top of the Senate, there arose such a clatter To eliminate Jesus, in all public matter. And we spoke not a word, as they took away our faith Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace. The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and discarded The reason for the season, stopped before it started. So as you celebrate 'Winter Break' under your 'Dream Tree' Sipping your Starbucks, listen to me. Choose your words carefully, choose what you say Shout MERRY CHRISTMAS, not Happy Holiday!