Ann

Don't you just love it when you're waiting to pull out in traffic and a car turns in...withoug ever turning on their turn signal and giving you a chance to pull out??? I hate this. Drives me absolutely nuts!!!

I love to leave my pj's on and just lounge around on the weekend. On work days, I don't have that luxury. I do love my pj's!!! So comfy!!!

Today, I'm grateful that my boss is finally back in the office. He's been in Panama for a month and I'm tired of wearing too many hats...while getting paid to wear one!!!

It's so very good to hear from you! We're so much like a family here and when one of us is missing for a while, we all begin to be sad!!!

When you get up in the morning do you get dressed right a way or do you lounge around in your pjs for a while?

Ginny...I love this one!!! I can just see these ladies now!!!

OKInsider Columnist (OK) In case you needed further proof that the human race is in dire straits because of blatant stupidity, here are some actual label instructions found recently on various department store items. You'd think the population could navigate life without these "stupidity" warnings but that's apparently not the case. The following list gives you an example of how low the top of the food chain has plummeted over the eons. Idiot label on a bag of Fritos salsa chips: You could be a winner. No purchase necessary. Details inside. I'm positive many people are tempted to walk out of the store with the bag while waving this offer at the high school age appearing security guard standing by the exit but in my case my back couldn't withstand being tackled and wrestled to the ground. I may send a brief email to the Frito-Lay Corporation asking them how consumers are supposed to handle this catch-22 offer. Caution tag on a Sear's deluxe hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. I have enough trouble getting to sleep and staying in that relaxed state without having any additional nocturnal requirements added to the challenge. Dial soap instructions: Use like regular soap. And the other way would be how? Then again, I'm pretty sure I don't want to know. Swanson frozen TV dinners sports this novel idea: Defrost before consuming. Do a lot of people tend to eat frozen foods without popping them into the microwave oven? I suppose that would account for the high percentage of folks missing some of their teeth. Another worthwhile suggestion was found on a Takamatsu Tiramisu gourmet dessert container: Do not turn upside down. Crap! I wish I'd seen that before flipping it over; I always eat my food from the bottom up, don't you? Jell-O gelatin has a wonderful warning for the refrigeration impaired: Product may melt after heating. Whew, I read this one just in the nick of time. Sticker on the top of a national brand steam iron: Do not iron clothes on body. This sucks, what are we supposed to do when we're running a bit late? Could this be the reason we have wash and wear clothes? I'll bet there's a warning label for these in the works advising us not to wear them in the washer and dryer. Big warning label on national brand children's over-the-counter cough medicine: Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication. Parents have got to stop giving a spare set of car keys to little 3rd grade Johnny. Just last week he was spotted driving around in a big dump truck he "borrowed" from a construction yard on his way home from school. Nytol sleep aid breaks this startling news to the hapless consumer: Warning: May cause drowsiness. If I believed that were true I might give it a try tonight. Typical warning printed on many brands of Chinese manufactured Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. OK, I give up, what's the alternative use for these things? Never mind, I just remembered an Internet photo of Billy Bob the Redneck and his year round front porch decorations. Another Chinese product, a vibrator, offers this plausible suggestion: Not to be used for the other use. I think I know where they're going with this one. Terrific insight on a gallon container of national brand salted peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. I'm fairly suspect of the nut that came up with this label addition. Printed instructions on a major airlines packet of salted peanuts that replaced the real meal we used to get while flying: Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts. And people wonder why I get so nervous about flying these days. I think I'll stick to driving or taking the bus or train. A sew-in tag for a children's superman Halloween costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. Hello, parents, if your kid is so stupid as to believe putting on a costume conjures up super powers then all of you may need some therapy-soon. There were more stupidisms but I figured this list would have you shaking your head and wondering whether or not you're part of the problem or a possible ray of hope and rational thought in a world that seems to be stuck on stupid. Be careful out there, we're surrounded by them.

A guy is driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: "Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there. You talk?" he asks. " Yep," the Lab replies. After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says "So, what's your story?" The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government,so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired." The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. Ten dollars," the guy says. Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?" Because he's a liar. He never did any of that crap. "

While trying to escape through Pakistan, Osama Bin Laden found a bottle on the beach and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said, "Master, may I grant you one wish?" Osama responded, "You ignorant, unworthydaughter-of-a-dog! Don't you know who I am? I don't need any common woman giving me anything." The shocked genie said, "Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to that bottle forever." Osama thought a moment, then grumbled about the impertinence of the woman and said, "Very well, I want to awaken with three American women in my bed in the morning. So just do it and be off with you."The annoyed genie said, "So be it!" and disappeared. The next morning Bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton at his side. His penis was gone, his knees were broken, and he had no health insurance

I'll bring Buffalo Chicken Dip

I'm grateful that I have beautiful memories to get me by when times are tough.

Let's say I'm planning a pot luck supper at my house and you are all invited but you each have to make a dish of your choice to bring, what will you make?

Bush wants us to cut the amount of gas we use. The best was to stop using so much gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants! That would be 11 million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come down. Bring our troops home from Iraq to guard the border. When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Iraq. Tell him if he wants to come to America then he must serve a tour in the military. Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it. After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country. He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal patriot. This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Iraq and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves. If they refuse to serve, ship them to Iraq anyway, without the canteen rifle or ammo. Problem solvled.

Redneck Love Poem Susie Lee done fell in love; She planned to marry Joe. She was so happy 'bout it all She told her Pappy so. Pappy told her, "Susie gal, You'll have to find another. I'd just as soon yo' Ma don't know, But Joe is yo' half brother" So Susie put aside her Joe And planned to marry Will. But after telling Pappy this, He said, "There's trouble still... You can't marry Will, my gal., And please don't tell your Mother, But Will and Joe and several mo' I know is yo' half brother" But Mama knew and said, "My child, Just do what makes you happy. Marry Will or marry Joe You ain't no kin to Pappy.

Words containing the letters C-O-N in that order. Please, one word per post. container

Be you of 'TENDER' eyes, beware! Please excuse the rough language in the following story...I would have deleted them, but the story wouldn't be the same! A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. "Well," said her mother, "so how was the honeymoon?" "Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..." Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language -- things I'd never heard before! I mean all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to take me home...PLEASE MAMA!" "Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! You need to stay with your husband and work this out. Now, tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?" "Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!!" "Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!" Sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mama...he used words like: dust, wash, iron, and cook." "I'll pick you up in twenty minutes," said the mother

A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede (a 100-legged bug) that came in a little white box which served as the bug's house. He took his purchase home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him. So he asked the cent ipede in the box, "Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time." But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to church with me and receive blessings?" But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about t he situation. He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "HEY IN THERE! WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO TO CHURCH WITH ME AND LEARN ABOUT THE LORD?" (YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS!) And a little voice came out of the box......... "I heard you the first time.......I'm putting on my shoes!"

How about a new game. Name something found in your kitchen that starts with each letter of the alphabet, beginning with A. I'll begin..... Appetizer Cookbook

I usually don't pass this type of thing along but since it came from a trustworthy source, I thought I'd share it with you. BEWARE OF PAPER IN THE BACK WINDOW OF YOUR VEHICLE NEW WAY TO DO CAR JACKINGS (NOT A JOKE) Heads up everyone! Please, keep this circulating... You walk across the parking lot, unlock your car and get inside. You start the engine and shift into Reverse. When you look into the rearview mirror to back out of your parking space, you notice a piece of paper stuck to the middle of the rear window. So, you shift into Park, unlock your doors, and jump out of your car to remove that paper (or whatever it is) that is obstructing your view. When you reach the back of your car, that is when the car jackers appear out of nowhere, jump into your car and take off. They practically mow you down as they speed off in your car. And guess what, ladies? I bet your purse is still in the car. So now the carjacker has your car, your home address, your money, and your keys. Your home and your whole identity are now compromised! BEWARE OF THIS NEW SCHEME THAT IS NOW BEING USED.... If you see a piece of paper stuck to your back window, just drive away. Remove the paper later. And be thankful that you read this e-mail. I hope you will forward this to friends and family, especially to women. A purse contains all kinds of personal information and identification documents, and you certainly do NOT want this to fall into the wrong hands. Please keep this going. Thank you. Lieutenant Tony Bartolome Bureau of Investigations Florida Highway Patrol P.O. Box 593527 Orlando , FL

Every time I come here, I think of your Mom and miss her so very much. She was one of those wonderful people that seem to just grab hold of your heart and make you love her.

Today, I'm grateful that I have a great job to come to.

If you had to describe yourself as a child in one word, what would it be?

We can all use a little laugh once and awhile... GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER 1. Sag, you're It. 2. Hide and go pee. 3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear. 4. Kick the bucket 5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over. 6. Musical recliners. 7. Simon says something incoherent. 8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy OLD IS WHEN: 1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face. 2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along. 3. Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today. 4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot. 5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee! Thoughts for the weekend... Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctr Alt Delete' and start all over? Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor! Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever. Ponderisms I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?' Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.' If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he's going to look up there anyway? Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Subject: Creation On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?" So God agreed. On the second day, God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span." The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?" And God agreed. On the third day, God created the cow and said: "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family For this, I will give you a life span of sixty Years." The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?" And God agreed again. On the fourth day, God created man and said: "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years." But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?" "Okay," said God, "You asked for it." So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone. Life has now been explained to you.. .

I know what to do about the cow. Call Larry! That darned cow will follow that man anywhere...or so I've been told. If Larry uses the bell that J.C. gave him, I just know that Old Bossy will follow him right out of that parking lot. Now, getting her on stage may be a bit more difficult but I have no doubt that Larry can pull that off too. Nova...what songs do you think we can sing today at the Pub??? Of course, we must sing Happy Birthday to Fred first of all! So, let's all grab our instruments (lol) and get tuned up for the first round of Happy Birthday. Who has suggestions for songs to follow???