(not so much as planning other than how to best manage what we can't maintain). The estate attorney told me if it were her, she would cease paying on the mortgage and credit cards and just let the bank foreclose. She claims this will happen anyways, and since mom is the only one on things, it all just gets washed and to let mom go do something nice for herself while she still has time. Mom is still fairly competent despite some confusion, but to try to discuss this with her is not easy. Her financial situation is such that something will have to fall to the wayside b/c she has no backup savings. This is emotionally challenging to know what the 'right' thing is to do.
Mom hasn't fully come to terms with the fact she is dying. It is hard b/c one day she will say she isn't afraid to die and talks about dad, and then the next she says "I may be around for many more years." The hospice nurse has asked her many times if she would like to know how it happens and she says no. She will sometimes say she is scared. And sometimes I'm not sure what she is grasping b/c the confusion will come and go on large levels.
We have 3 children, the youngest 4. My husband and I both work full time (I work from a home office--making it possible for me to be here for mom). We try to give her things to do---but it is heartbreaking to see her sitting at a table just watching tv or organizing things day after day.She wants to do crafts, but instead just surrounds herself with them b/c she shakes too bad. She wants to do things on a computer but doesn't navigate well like she used to. She wants to read, but says she can't see the book--but still wants to keep buying books as if having them is comfort. She is on oxygen 24 hrs a day.She's on 4.5liters. She takes over 35 pills a day. I do my best to make a point to get her out at least once per week while she is still able. I have taken her for a mother/daughter manicure/pedicure, I got her top notch comfy bedding, anything I can do to make her feel loved and give her something to do....but it never feels like enough. I never leave her "alone" but anytime I personally leave the house she makes remarks to me like "you snuck off again" and makes me feel guilty. I have a marriage to keep intact and 3 children to still interact with. The relationship with my mom was 'tried' before all of the cancer, but of course I love her and want to be here for her--she has no one else. On some level, I would also like to know what we can expect. They said Feb---we aren't seeing it. She actually got up and cooked dinner for us tonight and even though she gets confused some, she can still do things like this overall. I don't want to see her suffer anymore than she has and am hopeful she will just get sleepier as time goes on---but I hear sometimes the decline isn't always so fortunate.
I continue to maintain that this is all a blessing in disguise...but it has so many ranges of emotions. And this is just me---I can't imagine what goes thru her mind or how much she hurts on a deep level (and not just physical).