Tairen

Just an update! My mom is now on hospice and she's started what the hospice nurse is calling "the death rattle". I'm not sure what that means exactly but she is telling us to rally around and just spend time with her even though she isn't aware that we are there most of the time. I'm still having a hard time grieving for my father and part of that is that I haven't had much time to do so. Unfortunately I have a couple other things going on besides taking care of my mom. We recently found out that my aunt (my dad's sister) has carcinoma and they are starting her on chemo today but they aren't holding out much hope that it's going to work. I also have another friend of mine that is battling SCLC and he's only in his 30s. It's been a struggle there as well. I'm just so tired of everyone I love dying around me that I feel myself becoming detached from life and with a child to take care of I know this is the wrong thing for me but I'm not sure how to stop it.

Now that I've held my father's hand while he went to be with his Father, his dad, his brothers and sisters and other family and friends that have gone through the veil my question is how can I, a smoke, help other smokers and the rest of my family know how horrible it is to do it? I bought me a vapor cigarette. It's still smoking but it's better for me than the deaths on a stick I was using before and it will help me graduate down to nothing. But how do I help tell others what a horrible way to die this is? How can I be a testament to everyone else that hasn't seen this? I want to know that my dad is looking down on me, proud that I made the decision to quit and holding me close but I don't want to watch other family and friends go through this either. Is it going to be the same with my mom? I'm so scared!!! I'm afraid I don't think I can handle my mom's passing so soon after my dad's. I need her now more than ever! Sorry, I didn't know where else to post this. Tairen

My mom was taken off bi-pap, she was taken off opti-flow and is now on the nasal cannula full time. They feel she has improved to the point they moved her to a skilled nursing home where she will continue to get the radiation treatments and the physical therapy she needs to get her body back in shape from all that laying in a hospital bed. She has improved so much at the nursing facility that they are keeping her there for the rest of her radiation treatments and then sending her home (the one that just recently got finished and looks fantastic! I'll post some photos of before, during and after when I get the chance.) Other than that my bad news is that my dad passed away last night from complications from COPD, Emphysema, Pulmonary Lung Disease and Diabetes. Smoking sucks.

Just another quick update! I told my brother (my mom's POA) to call around to lawyers because it doesn't sound right that any doctor can refuse treatment as long as someone is alive and wanting to fight. Doesn't that go against their creed? So he did some calling around and they are going to start radiation again on Monday or Tuesday for 15 consecutive days (minus the weekends) and then start her back on her original chemo treatment that was helping her out so much to begin with. THIS is great and wonderful news for all of us!! I still only get emotional support from one of my brothers… I felt I had to edit out my rant as it isn't fair that I air out family issues on a board. But the above statement is still true to fact.

I guess it's long past due for an update! Mom was doing really well up until about October. They took her off the original chemo she was getting and started her on something else that did nothing to help her. The cancer has now spread into her pelvis and her brain and neck. As of this morning her oncologist says it's time to start setting up for hospice care. I'm so devastated that they want to give up on her when she is screaming and yelling (as best she can) that she isn't ready to give up yet! I'm contacting places that will take on research patients as it seems that is the only way she is going to get treatment at this point and she wants to continue getting the treatment. Please keep my family in your prayers as we go on with this battle.

In our family when we all gather around for Thanksgiving dinner we enjoy each others company and afterwards when we're just sitting around watching the game or what not we pull out the 5-6 newspapers with the black friday ads and everyone goes through them and writes their list of what they want and then they get copied for everyone. Usually there are about 8 of us that do the shopping (hitting all the stores we can) but we refuse to do so on Thanksgiving Day itself because this is a day dedicated to the family. I see no problems at all with letting your loved ones know what YOU want!

It's beginning to be that time of year again so I'm wondering what's on your list? Mine's pretty simple: I want my mom. I want her to be happy and to not feel the pain from her cancer. I want her to enjoy the time we have with each other and with the rest of our family. I want my mom to know that every minute we share on this earth together is the greatest joy in my life, the best moments that I can and will cherish for the rest of my life. I want my mom to enjoy her newly remodeled house. I want my mom to know that her time on earth wasn't wasted because I've learned so much from her such as how to love, how to be generous, how to be helpful, kind, honest, sincere, polite. I want her to know that she instilled in me the peace and fulfillment of knowing Jesus Christ as my savior. I want her to know that even after she's gone and with the Lord that I will never forget her and that every day that passes will be one day closer to the time that I get to see her again in all her beauty…with or without hair. I want her to know that I will try my best to carry on the traditions that she tried to give us. I want her to know that I appreciate the life she gave me because so many others have had much worse. I want her to know, simply, that I don't want to live without her but I can, and I will, because she taught me how. I want her to know that I love and adore her with all my heart. BUT if I had to choose something tangible, something I can unwrap I've got that covered too: From my mom: PS4 and a few games (she's the only one that can afford it LOL) From my fiancé: A ring, gosh darn it!! From my brothers: They can always go in together and get me a few books…I'm always looking for books but mostly the Dark Tower Series by Stephen King. I can't find them ANYWHERE! From my son: No whining and do his chores…is that so much to ask?? From my dad: To sit and talk with me and go over pictures because I'm not going to have him very much longer either as he's decided to take the path less traveled. From my friends & cousins: A night out, watch my son for one night and let me go out and have some fun. This mom needs a break sometimes!

My mom is slowly fading from us. She's still fighting but I'm afraid she doesn't have much fight left. I learned something from a friend passing away in Feb. '13 and that was to leave a legacy. I'm not saying my mom isn't leaving a legacy, of course she is, everyone that's ever known her trusts her and loves her and she's left a light in every life she's touched. What my friend left us was music, videos, photographs and various other things that we can still go back and listen to the sound of his voice. We can still hear his laughter and his thoughts on life and love and so on because he made it a point to record them for everyone because that's just the way he was. I want to document that same kind of thing with my mom and eventually with my dad. My question to you all is: If you had to ask your loved one a question before they passed away what would you ask? I have the basics: What's your fondest memory of your sister? What's your fondest memory of your brother? (Again for her other brothers and her children) What was your greatest ambition in life, do you feel you fulfilled it? Why or why not? What would have done different? Why? What wouldn't you change for the world? Why? What do you want everyone to know once you're gone? What piece of advice would you give to each of your children individually? What do you want your brothers and sister to know after you're gone?

It's been really hard here lately so I'll try to get my whole story here without boring anyone. I'm the youngest of four children and the only girl so needless to say I'm pretty spoiled. I'm a single mom who has struggled to make ends meet but I've been doing okay so far but this isn't about me...this is about my mom. My mom is one of the strongest, passionate, caring, loving people I will probably ever know. She's always been there for my brothers and I no matter what we needed she was there to do what she can. My junior year of high school she was diagnosed with brain cancer and over the summer I went to Girl Scout camp because she didn't want her problem to interrupt my life. She made a promise to me that at the beginning of my senior year that she was going to watch me walk across the stage in May cancer free. Not only did she keep her promise but she stayed in remission for 14 years. She was there for me when a relationship fell apart and I found I was pregnant three days before my 21st birthday. She supported me as I completed my Associates degree and then went on to get my Bachelor's degree. She drove 10 hours to get me from another state when I found out the guy I was with was cheating on me four days before Christmas. She's constantly telling my brothers and I how much she loves us and that she appreciates us in every way. She turned 68 on Oct. 19th and had a lovely birthday only to find out that her life was going to change dramatically. On Oct. 22nd her house caught fire and she had a heart attack from stress. Two weeks after that she got the go ahead to go back to work and the same day she slipped and fell and broke her wrist in two places causing her to get pins. She was miserable but she always kept her head held high and always had a smile for us regardless of what was going on. She got a call roughly two weeks after that only to find out that her aunt passed away. This was the last living sibling of her mother and she was very depressed and sad that she didn't have that connection with her mother anymore but she knew she had to concentrate on her health. She got very sick right before Christmas to find out that she had something called C-Diff. The medicine for this was astronomically high and because of the conditions any time she takes antibiotics again she has a chance of contracting it again. We were good for a month once she got rid of the C-Diff only to have a family friend pass away on Valentine's Day. We were all devastated because he was only 45 years old and far to young to go but again she had to get past that and concentrate on her health as she was having severe chest pain. I took her to the hospital and they took some x-rays and told her that she had Pleurisy and they gave her some pain medicine to help but she kept complaining until her doctor sent her in to get scanned for cancer since they found nodules on her lung when they took the x-ray. From there we have found out that she has Small Cell Lung Cancer extensive stage. It's in her bones and lymph nodes but thankfully it hasn't spread to her brain or neck. She's getting chemo three days every three weeks. They told us that she's got from three weeks to 12 months to live. She's passed the three weeks mark but my problem is that I don't want to lose her at all. I love my mom and I don't know what I'm going to do without her. As of right now she's responding great to the treatment, she's eating well, has gained weight and has more energy now than she did before but at what point can I expect that to go downhill? None of my friends understand and it's hard to talk to my brothers because they just close up and don't want to talk about it at all. I need to find people who understand what I'm going through and can help me help her. Thats my story. Thank you for reading. Tairen