Hello,
Thank you for your support. It has been awhile since I have written, everything was confusing for awhile. My mom was supposed to participate in a trial but the cancer spread too quickly and now does not qualify due to the severity of the situation. Her cancer has spread it is in her shoulder, her hip, her muscles, her lymphnodes, her face and there are small lesions on her brain. She started chemo last week she will do 2, 21 day cycles with radiation (on her brain and face) in between. Then we will do a new scan and see where we stand.
I am not the primary care giver nor am I the only one. We are blessed with a very close, strong family. Her husband is with her every step of the way and her primary caregiver, my sister is a strong backup to him and takes on a lot of responsibility. I am the main food cooker and distractor at home. I just try to be the optimism in the room.
She seems to be doing better, now that there is action she seems more optimistic about fighting it. We all have our down days but we feel hopeful about the future. Even if it just a bit more time or a quality of life she can live with for awhile. I pray every day the chemo works. I am hoping that because the cancer is not in her bones and only in her muscles, there is a chance the chemo could really work. Right?
I don't know how I feel. Which is hard. I want to believe she will be OK but I also don't want to be blindsided if she isn't. I feel like I want to be prepared but I don't want to admit that I need to be prepared. If that makes sense. I am very scared and we just try every day to make her as comfortable and happy as possible. She still doesn't leave the house very much but I think she feels better after visiting the cancer institute because she feels less alone.
I am not ready to lose her, so we just keep fighting one day at a time and hoping and praying that it will turn out ok.