Sandoster

Thank you all for sharing your experiences with me. It gives me GREAT comfort to know that Donna is still alive in spirit and that she interacts with us in the ways that she can. I have to say that I am struggling today to enter this new year without her at my side. I have to work on changing my perspective of her existence. While she may not be here physically, I know she is here spiritually. And I thank God for that. Happy New Year to all of you and my this new year bring us all peace and the best possible experiences. love, Sandy

At the risk of you all thinking I am crazy, I have to ask - have any of you experienced an after-death communication from your loved one? I have been doing a lot of reading about this topic since Donna passed, and I have had some signs that I am convinced are from Donna. For instance, just a few days after she died, I was out on our front porch where she loved to spend her time. I was crying and grieving for her. Suddenly, a hummingbird flew right in front of my face just about 8" away from me and just hovered there looking at me. Donna loved hummingbirds, and I believe that was a sign from her that she was free and still around me. Has anyone had similar experiences?

I don't know if any of you felt like this, but I don't want 2005 to end. Although it was by far the worst year of my life, it was also the year that I was able to spend more time with Donna than any other as I took a lot of time off from work to be with her through her treatments and her bad days. It was also the last calendar year of Donna being on Earth. I don't want to start a new year without her in it. I know of course that I can't stop it, but I dread it so much. Spring was Donna's favorite time of year and she started planning her gardens in January/February and although we live in Maine, she would be out there the first warm days in March trying to access the soil to get her flower beds ready. I dread the arrival of spring. I do plan, though, to do my best to plant some gardens in her honor. My sister gave me a garden stone with a memory poem that she wants me to use in what we call the "Angel Garden" that we are planning. Donna loved sunflowers and I am planning to turn our large vegetable garden into a sunflower patch. All varieties. The funny thing is that I don't care for sunflowers, myself, but because she loved them so I can't wait to create this garden for her. I miss her so much. Thanks for listening - you are all so wonderful and I thank God for lchelp.org - it has gotten me through many days when I didn't know if I would make it.

I am sorry for your loss - my thoughts and prayers join all the others here for you.

My precious partner, Donna, died August 1 this year. Christmas was her most favorite holiday because she loved the lights, the decorations, the love, and the fact that it was Jesus' birthday. I never was that excited about Christmas until just about the week before. By then, Donna had the whole house including the bathrooms and the fish tanks decorated for Christmas. She always managed to get me in the spirit about a week before the big day. Without her here this year I have struggled to get through, but have done okay. I have consoled myself with the thought that Donna had birthday cake with Jesus this Christams. I still miss her, and I want her back here with me the worst way, but I know how much she enjoyed that heavenly birthday party this year. Warm best wishes to all of you - Sandy

Hi, Jana; I kind of know what you mean. I lost my partner of 24 years on August 1. To me it feels like only yesterday. I know there are some people in my life who think I should be starting to "get over it" and get on with life. I will never "get over it" and life is so radically changed most of the time I am not interested in getting on with it! I am lucky, though, that most of the people I care about understand that I am nowhere near ready to move on in any sense of the word. I have experienced people not mentioning Donna - so I make sure that I do especially around them. They then will know that I want and need to talk about her. So far that has worked pretty well. Sometimes I will simply ask if it bothers them for me to talk about her. I can be kind of direct sometimes! Please know that I don't think you should worry about what anyone else believes your grief "timetable" should be - you are the only one who matters and whatever time you need is the "right" amount of time. God bless you. Sandy

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. She sounds so much like my partner, Donna, who died on August 1, 2005. Strong, faithful, loving to the nth degree. My thoughts are with you as you journey through your grief. Sandy

I am so sorry to hear of your tremendous loss. My thoughts will be with you along with all these other folks. This is a comforting place to come.

At 12:30 a.m. on Monday, August 1, my precious Angel went home to be with Jesus after fighting lung cancer for 1 year. To the end she believed she would beat it and in a sense she did by leaving it behind her in her diseased body and taking flight in her beautiful spirit to the house of the Lord. I miss her so much I cannot breathe.

Thank you all for your support and words of encouragement and most of all your prayers. Pammie, Donna is not yet scheduled for any scans to see if it is working. Her onc said he would be able to tell "clinically" (whatever that means!!) if it is working. Perhaps it will show up in a lab test?? I don't know. Today we were told that without the Tarceva she would have "weeks to months" to live. With it, she could do very well or may not. There just are no solid answers. But Donna is willing to try it again, and after taking the rest of this week off it, she will start again on Saturday and we will see what happens. our prayers go out to all of you, too. Sandy & Donna

We had an appt with the oncologist on July 13 to discuss what to expect since Taxotere didn't seem to be slowing Donna's malignant ascites (fluid build-up in abdomen containing cancer cells.) He said at first that he was going to recommend hospice, but after some discussion, decided to try Tarceva first. How do I know if it is working? Donna has not developed the rash that is supposed to be so common. She has stopped eating again and is having major confusion/disorientation. We talked about it and she doesn't want to keep taking meds if they aren't going to help because they ruin any quality of life she might have. BUT, how do we know if it's working? No f/u with onc until August 5. And how do we combat the cognitive deficits?

Hi, Denise; I am sorry to hear your news, but do remember that the onc isn't God - only He decides ultimately what will happen. You are in the same situation as my partner's daughter who is also named Denise. She is Mom to Donna's 20 month old granddaughter. She lives 1200 miles away and we don't see her very often. However, she sends us videos of Reese's antics and Donna lives for those and the daily pix Denise sends by email. Denise, her husband, Nick, and Reese are coming to Maine to spend time with us for 2 weeks in July. This keeps Donna going and keeps her fighting - she likes nothing better than being with her granddaughter! I am SO glad that you are going to go be near your Mom. It will be great for her and all of you. Remember to keep the faith, and that miracles happen every day if only we open our eyes to them. Best wishes and our prayers, Sandy & Donna

I appreciate your responses. I have read many of the postings here and have gotten lots of good ideas to try. Donna's daughter, Denise, is coming to visit in July for 2 weeks with her husband and 2-year old daughter. I know Donna will enjoy that visit and so will I. Donna's other 4 children (all the rest are sons) are pretty much in denial about the whole thing. Thankfully I have a good friend or two and some wonderful family myself who help as much as she will let them (which still isn't much, but better than nothing). It's nice to know you all are here and I will be around. Sandy, partner of Donna We aren't married, but would be if we could. ;0)

Donna is my partner of over 23 years. She has NSCLC adenocarcinoma Stage IIIB/now Stage IV. She went from a pleural effusion (malignant) to pericardial effusion (benign) to abdominal effusion (malignant). They have never found a formed tumor. She is now on Taxotere and feels terrible. She has lost her appetite and is skin and bones. it is so hard to see her this way. She is starting to force herself to eat a bit better after a friendly lecture from her onc's PA. Her doctor has never discussed prognosis (since August 2004) and I am afraid to ask. I am so scared that what little hope she has left will be dashed if I ask about prognosis and we get bad news. Donna very much believes that God will heal her. I am so scared how she will feel spiritually if she just keeps getting worse. I feel like I am doing a tightrope walk all the time. None of her 5 children seem to understand the gravity of her condition. Her daughter (the youngest) is the most aware, but she lives 1200 miles away. It is Donan and I fighting this on our own and I just am so tired, depressed and frustrated. I go to work as long as she feels okay, but then I worry about her all day until I get home. I stayed home at first for 2 weeks but she seemed mad at me like I didn't believe she would be healed, so I went back to work. I am so afraid to have her spend so much time alone, but she doesn't want anyone around. Helpless is what I feel most of the time which is bad for me because I like to fix problems. I love her so much it is SO hard to see her like this.

I am very glad I found this website and thank you all for your advice - I will try them all. Like you, cindy, Donna has been advised to eat whether she wants to or not. She has lost some weight, but we are working on this. By the way, my name is Sandy. Thanks for being there!

I am new to all of this - cancer, caregiving, message board posting. It's like being a stranger in a foreign land. Anyway, my partner of 23 years was diagnosed with NSCLC - adenocarcinoma, III-B w/ malignant pleural effusion on August 20, 2004. She had 2 thoracenteses and then a pleurodesis to eliminate the pleural space. That was mostly succesful and the fluid buildup has stopped. She is now doing Taxol/Carbo in 3-week cycles (Treatment Friday, then again the next third Friday) She has a very positive attitude and a HUGE faith in God. She believes she will be healed without any doubt at all. This was a huge load on me. I was so devastated with the Dx and so afraid but I could not let that show in front of her. I ended up in counselling and getting in touch with my spiritual beliefs. She is responding very well to her treatments, and we are taking life one day at a time. This whole scene is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. We do expect a miracle, though. Anyone got any advice on how to get a loved one to eat when they have no appetite? That is one of her biggest problems. Thanks for listening!

I was initially told to get a flu shot as my partner was recently diagnosed with NSCLC III-B w/malignant pleural effusion. She is undergoing Taxol/Carbo. She got a flu shot. Now, since the scare, they are telling me I don't need it. Who knows!!