Staciecee

It is with great sadness that I come again to this site. My name is Stacie. Some of you may remember me from February and March when my significant other was diagnosed with Small cell lung cancer in February 2003 with mets to liver and bone. Even though he fought hard, God took him home on the wings of angels on May 19th. My life was shattered when he was diagnosed and going through hell but it literally fell apart when he died. I finally felt strong enough to come back and let you know and to thank you for the prayers, the humor and encouragement. I wish that I could personally hug each of you, to thank each and every one of you for your thoughts, prayers and virtual hugs. I want to personally use this forum to thank Mrs. Mike for her unwavering encouragement. To Dave P for his unique blend of humor that really helped me get through this and Dave, I never did get to paint his toe nails...LOL but I think you were right, he was a fuschia. Rod was only off the vent for a few days in March, but those few days were so precious when he learned how to speak with the trach in. I will always have those special words and memories forever engraved in my heart. If anybody can make a difference in beating this disease, it is this fine group of people who, every day of their lives, thank God for one more day, write to our "powers that be" to listen up, open up and donate more. Research and knowledge is power, listen and read it all. My best advice is to ask questions, no matter how stupid you might feel, keep asking about clinical trials, new treatments, unapproved medications and above all, never lose your sense of humor. If more doctors across our great country and world, united in an effort to share all medical information just think how much more advanced our health care would be. I was never more frustrated than when I asked Rod's doctors about Aptosyn or Iressa and neither of them had heard a thing about it and this was a cancer reasearch institute. Even though these drugs and more are not approved, I feel that families and the cancer patient themselves should be allowed to at least give the drugs and treatments a try - there's nothing to lose and everything to gain. We are trying to continue on in our lives and thankfully God makes each day a little easier to take on without him. I miss him like crazy and every once in a while I get a little tightness around my middle and I consider this my heavenly hug from above, just from him. A light breeze across my cheek and I am reminded of his kiss. to all of you still surviving this, PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP! AS AWFUL AS YOU FEEL, PUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE AND THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS and if someone tries to paint your toenails different colors, don't be mad...take it in stride and rejoice in the laughter around you. Life really is precious and you'll never know how much you've lost until it's not there anymore. My prayers and thoughts are with all of you. May God bless each and every one of you today and always with love, life and laughter in abundance. Stacie s.carstensen@insuranceamerica.net

Hello gang! I'm sorry that it's been so long since my last post, life has been pretty hectic. Rod received his first chemo on March 5-7th (carbplatin/vp16) and did fairly well through the weekend. His blood count dipped on saturday and he received 3 pints of blood that day. He is still on the vent and on Thursday the 13th, he was transferred to the Storz Cancer Institute/Clarkson Hospital. Upon his arrival, they were able to do an MRI and bone scan. He had his first radiation treatment for the spot on his lung on Friday and again on Saturday. As of Sunday, he may be getting a tracheotomy but I won't find that out until later this am. However, the bad news is that the MRI and bone scan revealed the cancer has spread to his liver, lymphnodes and bone marrow. I'm devasted but hopeful as his specialist is still saying he's got a 50% chance of beating this thing. Yesterday, we had a good day. They've changed some of his meds around (eliminated the extensive use of morphine and valium) and will be giving him tylenol for mild pain and xanax to help relax him which will ease his panic attacks that he's been going through. He seemed fairly resigned to his predicament yesterday and I'm concerned that he doesn't see the use in proceeding. For the first time in a week, I was able to stand at his bedside without crying. I laughed at him, with him and at times I felt, for him. He is, without a doubt, the most amazing person I have ever met. Please keep us in your prayers as we keep all of you in ours. I would be most interested in knowing if anyone has beat this thing, this far advanced. I am unable to speak with the doctors directly because Rod and I are not married and due to the distance now between us and the fact that I have my son to raise, I cannot be there to ask questions and even though I've written them down and given them to his mother, she doesn't remember to haul them out when the dr. talks with her. I would appreciate some input on this or at least someone to please show me where to research this thing. I heard yesterday on the news that the FDA is researching coconut oil derivitives for their cancer cell destroying capabilities. I keep praying that God will guide the hands of those scientists and doctors to find a cure for all life threatening diseases, mind you not that I want to live for a hundred plus years, but....right now, I'd beg, borrow, bargain or steal to save this man's life. Thanks a million.

I feel guilty for posting today, in lieu of Sandy's loss. I have to get my thoughts out to some faceless stranger that might be able to validate my feelings and thoughts. I am so very hurt and angry that not only did pneumonia intrude upon our lives but cancer thought that it was a party and decided to join as well. As of my post on Friday, Rod as doing so/so. As the weekend progressed, I really thought we were making headway here, at least as far as the vent was concerned. He was down to 40% assistance from the machine, the machine was giving him 10 breaths per minute and he was taking the rest. We were able to get physical therapy in on Saturday to teach his mom and I how to move him so that he could get a little exercise and things seemed to be going great. The dr. stopped in and was very hopeful about removing the vent somewhere in the neighborhood of Tuesday. Imagine my surprise on Sunday when I show up at the hospital after being in church all morning, to find that my loved one was breathing on his own from a mask!!!!! Oh happy day!! Until..... One thing led to another and he wasn't doing so well on his own with a mask of forced oxygen. The flow of the oxygen would be like that of a dog sticking it's head out of a moving vehicle going 40+ mph. Anyway, it was uncomfortable and causing Rod to have panic attacks and becoming claustraphobic. He lasted, thankfully, until 11:30pm last night when they chose to intubate as his sat level plummeted. Now, Monday, they are talking about a tracheotomy, temporary, or so they say and I'm wondering if things just haven't gone from bad to worse. They will be able to test his blood later in the week to find out if the chemo is working and I'm praying that it is and praying that if this trache comes to fruitition, that it will actually only be temporary. I feel so helpless and I wish, more than anything, that I could crawl into his head and help him get through this. Answer questions that I know that he must have and give him reassurance where it would help the most instead of having to guess and hope that I hit something. I hate this!!! One minute I feel like running as far away as possible and the next minute I'm holding on to his hand so tightly as if he were going to float away. ARGGGGG!

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. My prayers and tears are with you and your family. Stacie