dchurchwell

Hi Kim, Thank you for your comforting words. I don't think I have allowed myself to grieve yet. I think I'm still in the 'numb' phase because I am thinking that my mom isn't really gone that she's just away on a trip and she'll be back soon until I really, really take time to stop and really think about that she really is gone. But when I have those moments, I shoo them away and get busy again. My father is grieving so much that I have to be strong for him and take care of him that I just can't grieve. I know my mom is in a better place and that she's out of pain and sickness. The thing is she was NOT supposed to die. Her oncologist promised us he could cure her. She was getting better and then suddenly she wasn't. Two weeks before she passed away, she was very weak. Too weak to talk, too weak to eat, too weak to walk. The Sunday of Thanksgiving wknd I figured she must be dehydrated so my dad and I took her to the hospital. She was admitted. On Monday, her body started swelling with fluid and she was in and out of coherence. On Tuesday, she started becoming more incoherent. On Wednesday, she lapsed into a full coma and the doctors told us the cancer had spread to her liver and that it was failing. It had also spread to her adrenal glands, her esophagus and to her other lung. They told us she had 1 - 2 weeks to live w/o chemo or 1-2 months to live w/chemo and that we need to decide if we want to put her on chemo and to decide if we wanted to put her on life support whenever the time came. Everything was happening so fast that I felt caught up in a whirlwind. I mean, my gosh! I was bringing her to the hospital to just get some fluids for petes sake; not to die. That wasn't supposed to happen. The doctor said he could cure her. What happened? So, then we made the decision to not put my mom back through chemo and she had already told us to not put her on life support. On Thursday afternoon at 2:30pm, we brought my mom home via ambulance to die. She died later that night at 7:10pm. And then suddenly, I was watching as the hearst pulled out of the driveway with my mom lying in the back of it on a stretcher. They didn't cover her face or place her in a body bag or a make-shift coffin like I thought they did. She was just lying there; elevated for the world to see as they drove away. And then suddenly I was thrust back into time whenever I was a little girl crying as I ran after my mom as she drove out of the driveway for work because I was afraid she wouldn't come back. I wanted to run after her again for this time I knew for sure she was not going to come back. Her wake and funeral was such a tribute. The funeral home is very large and accomodates many people. To accomodate just the flowers my mom received, three very large rooms held them all. The line of people was so long that it took them an hour and a half to reach my mom's casket. My father was retired after 23 years of law enforcement and the police department closed off all major intersections as only just the hearst carried my mom to rest in the church as we waited at home to leave. It was such a remarkable tribute and honor to my mom but one that I am sure she was looking down from heaven and saying "You've got to be kidding. It was your dad that was a policeman, not me. Stop making such a fuss over me." My mom was genuine and giving. What you saw is what you got. She didn't like anyone to make any fusses over her and she didn't like anyone having to take care of her; she was the caretaker of all of us. She was the backbone of our family and she was strong and independent. She and my 10 year old daughter (the eldest of the grandchildren) were very best friends and there was no one else in the world like her "Nana".

Mom's First Christmas in Heaven Do not cry for me that I am not at home This year I am spending Christmas at my father's throne Do not fill your heart heavy with burden Instead, feel me in your heart within The gifts you gave each Christmas Eve Were immeasurable in their worth to me For you see, it wasn't about the robe or the shirt I received But it was your ever continuing love you gave to me It was the smiles and the laughter we shared The hugs and the kisses for me you bared Speak my name and you shall see That I'm alive in each memory Just because you do not see me this Christmas Eve Does not mean I'm not with you at the Christmas tree I'm the twinkling in each little light and in the curl of each little bow I'm the shimmer in each Christmas ball and the kiss beneath the mistletoe I'm the yawn of my grand babes sleepy little heads As mommies and daddies tuck them into beds I'm the crispness of each gentle breeze on Christmas morns I'm that old angel topper that our tree adorns So at Christmas do not fret; do not feel alone Because I'm spending Christmas in my father's home The view from here is grand and one day we can share But now for me Christmas is here and yours is there Do not be sad, in spirit I am with you This Christmas is not different, just something new So until we are together again inside heaven's door Keep me alive in spirit in your heart forevermore. Love, Mom Donna Hunter Churchwell Dedicated to my mom, Sara Hunter who lost her battle to SCLC, December 2, 2004 (5 months after diagnosis)

Hello Cindy, WAY TO GO on your 15 mos remission!!!!! God is good! All the time! I wish you all of his continued blessings upon you. Donna

Thank you Dianne for the information. I am passing everyone's posts to my mom via email in hopes something great will also come from it. I wish you continued success in your treatment and may God bless you. Donna

Hi Jackie, Thank you so much for your well wishes. It has helped me so much in being able to communicate with others who have loved ones dealing with this disease too. I'm sorry for your loss. I know he's watching over you. Donna

I just said a prayer for you and your family asking that you all receive GREAT news tomorrow and that all of you will sleep peaceful and rested tonight. Please let me know what you find out. Thanks, Donna

Hi Dani, Thank you for sharing with me. I know it's a hard thing for some people to beat. I even tried bribing my parents with NO grandkids for them until they quit. But as I kept getting older and OLDER and they had still not stopped smoking, I thought "Whoa.....who am I starting to hurt here now?" The grandkids have asked and begged my mom to quit too. She's tried the nicotine gum, the patch, counseling, hypnosis and even acupuncture to no avail.

Way to go Frank in quitting smoking. The doctor told my mom the same thing but unfortunately she's a little more hardheaded (stubborn) in quitting. Best of luck! I'll see ya when we reach 100! Donna

Hi, Well we're just in the early phases of her cancer. We haven't gotten to remission yet; still trying to cure the original tumor. We haven't completed treatment yet so yeah quitting smoking would surely help her in her recovery. However, I do agree with you that if there wasn't a chance of her cure, then by all means she should dance naked in Walmart (but I doubt she would; she really hates going to that place) so I'd have to find her another place to "hang out". Take care of yourself and give yourself a big ole hug! Someone loves U! Donna

Hi Sharlene, Thank you for sharing. I was reading your treatments. Has your doctor tried you on a clinical trial with Avastin Therapy? There have been 2 documented cases at my mom's oncologist where these patients had advanced SCLC, non-operable that have been cured by doing the Avastin Therapy. My mom starts it next week. You might want to ask your doctor about it. We actually called MD Anderson this week to see if there was a different treatment option and they said if it were them to stick with the Avastin because that is the thing now in curing SCLC and that they weren't even able to get it out there (don't know why). Best of luck to you in your recovery. Please keep in touch. Donna

Hi Jean, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your dad. I actually had to accept a few years ago the fact that I could do nothing about my mom quitting and had to come to peace with that so I would stop worrying. I finally did but of course the hope that they will stop is always there. Donna

Hi Deb, Thank you for your reply. Wow! Had I only came across this site before today. It feels "good" to release and share with others who have experienced the same though I'm sorry that any of us are having to experience this. But it's nice to know there is someone there when you need them. Donna

Hi Becky, Thank you for your reply. I love the pic of your little "Dragon Slayer". It's precious. My 9 year old daughter had to do a drawing of "If I become a scientist, I will...." for her science class. She drew a picture of herself in a laboratory holding the vial for "cure for cancer" she had discovered. She dedicated it to my mom. Of course, we all had a good cry over that. Children.....they are so wonderful! I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis of cancer. How scary, especially since you have never smoked. Do they know "how" you contracted the cancer? I see where you posted that you weren't impressed with MD Anderson. We had actually spoken with them this week about coming to them and trying a different treatment but were advised that the Avastin treatment my mom will soon be getting was the 'way to go' now and that they couldn't even get the Avastin there. Hang in there. Prayer is a powerful thing! And I'm sure there are lots of prayers going up for you as I have just said one for you. Donna

Hello - my mother was diagnosed with SCLC in June 04. She is on a clinical trial and has already been through chemotherapy and radiation and is about to start Avastin. The problem is she's STILL smoking. Granted, she has cut way back but how do you get her to stop? I know that the addiction is terrible and that quitting is probably harder but faced with the option of death and never seeing my grandchildren again, I hope I would be able to lay them down. Anyway, can anyone offer suggestions on her quitting? I know it's something that she can only do but my family is here to offer support. One month prior to her diagnosis with cancer, my father had five bypasses. That made him quit cold-turkey after 50 years. My mom is "hanging" out with a bad crowd from the Oncologist office. One SCLC survivor tells her that she continued to smoke while on the same clinical trial and still smokes and that her cancer was cured. So, with that info in mind, my mom uses that as a crutch to support her smoking. It's unfair to all who love her and pray for her recovery everyday and worry relentless about her. She has to be active in her recovery too and not just participate.

Hello - my mother was diagnosed with SCLC in June 04. She is on a clinical trial and has already been through chemotherapy and radiation and is about to start Avastin. The problem is she's STILL smoking. Granted, she has cut way back but how do you get her to stop? I know that the addiction is terrible and that quitting is probably harder but faced with the option of death and never seeing my grandchildren again, I hope I would be able to lay them down. Anyway, can anyone offer suggestions on her quitting? I know it's something that she can only do but my family is here to offer support. One month prior to her diagnosis with cancer, my father had five bypasses. That made him quit cold-turkey after 50 years. My mom is "hanging" out with a bad crowd from the Oncologist office. One SCLC survivor tells her that she continued to smoke while on the same clinical trial and still smokes and that her cancer was cured. So, with that info in mind, my mom uses that as a crutch to support her smoking. It's unfair to all who love her and pray for her recovery everyday and worry relentless about her. She has to be active in her recovery too and not just participate.