HisClone

Hi Everyone, My name is Renee, and this is my first time posting. I'm hoping to get some grief support. I just lost my dad to Stage IV NSCLC (Adenocarcinoma) two days ago on Wednesday, February 24th. He was diagnosed only a short 7 months ago, back in August. While I knew the statistics of longevity were not in his favor, I never, ever imagined losing him this fast. My husband and I just started a family a little over a year ago. Our daughter is the first (and only) grandchild in the family. She was the absolute apple of my dad's eye and made him a grandpa. Sadly, he was diagnosed right after our daughter turned one, and I announced we were expecting again. I watched him battle this horrible disease throughout my entire pregnancy, and he passed away just three weeks short of my due date. (I am due on March 17th, St. Patrick's Day). He'll never get to meet his second granddaughter, and neither of my children will remember him. Watching him be a grandpa was one of the greatest joys in my life, and I am having a REALLY hard time with this. I find myself not only mourning the loss of my dad but the loss of "grandpa". I am trying to count my blessings and not my losses. I know I am EXTREMELY lucky to have had him for the 32 years that I did. After all, he walked me down the aisle, had a great 10 year relationship with my husband, saw what I grew up to be, was there for my first pregnancy, and had a beautiful bond with my first born. Those are all blessings many do not have—so I feel selfish for grieving the loss in this way, but I do. Cancer was always something that happened to someone else, and now it devastated our family. My mom, sister, husband, and I are just shell shocked. We keep waiting for my dad to jump out of a closet and say, "Just kidding!" He and I were two peas in a pod. He always called me his clone. There's just this tremendous void, and it hurts from every angle. I never felt "grown-up" until I became a mother roughly a year ago, and now he's gone. He only got to be a grandpa for a year, and this heavily weighs on my heart. My daughter has already looked for him, and it breaks my heart. I know it will hurt even more as I watch her forget completely. I can't even imagine how heart wrenching it's going to feel when I give birth in three weeks, and he won't be there. I'm so scared of what that experience will hold. I know I'm only two days into this, but I don't know how to get over the loss of a parent. This grief is so different than every other loss I've experienced in my life. How did you all do it? Is there anyone on the forum who lost their father in their early-30's or in a similar situation? Every book or blog post seems to be formed around losing parents early or later in life. What about those of us in the middle, who just started a family life? Who felt like their life was just beginning? Renee