rogfam

Thank you... each one of you... your words touch my heart and soul. Just knowing you all are here for me gives me some peace as well. God is good. and mom would add, All the time! Prayers for us all, Christy

Thank you Katie and Kasey!! missed you both! I just posted my update in 'grieving'. I'll try to find a pic soon kasey!

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to come back here to this great place. It's just hard. I still don't even know where to start!! The beginning of the end i guess. We had hospice coming out. She was still walking around but so weak, not eating much. She was on 02 the last six weeks also. That was really hard for her, she sunk into a deep depression, and the anxiety level was at it's highest. She started to stay in bed more. We started to see her withdraw from us, but we didn't realize it at the time. My sister and I were greiving our mom before she ever died! Those hugs and kisses and smiles weren't there anymore. This was so hard, she was the most loving mom ever. Three days before she died, I was over with my sister and mom's mom and my daddy. Mom was sleeping more, harder to wake, and began to fill up with fluid... She was scared. God we all were. All of our family came over and prayed for her. She woke up to a house full and sat up, and said, 'whats going on? ya'll think I'm dying here or what?' We assured her we just had a wonderful prayer for her. That was all she ever wanted, was for prayer or for someone to read the bible to her. She went back to sleep, we had the nurse come over, who confirmed our worst fears, this was the beginning of the end. We had a very restless night with her, up and down, coughing, fever...She said, 'if it were up to me I'd go to the hospital people! I'm getting so weak and I can barely breathe.' We assured her it was up to her. She got up and headed to the back porch for a smoke. We had to help her walk. She hated that they (cigs) still had ahold on her even at this point. She beat herself up over it. She sat down with my sis and told her, nothing is going to happen to me, but just in case, I want you and christy to know I'm very proud of you both... So me and dad gathered a few things and headed to the hospital. They did a ct scan and found the cancer in both lungs. She was on a bipap machine to help her breathe. She hated it. She kept trying to get up, take it off, was so restless... This was wed morning. For two days we watched mom slip away.. She never lost her mind, always giving us kisses, trying to talk.. We decided to get rid of the bipap machine, which was just prolonging the inevitable.. Thursday nigtht, with her sisters and brother and mom and other fam around, mom said she had to go, I asked her where, she could barely talk mind you, and clear as bell, she said 'wherever the Lord takes me, I've got to tell you all good bye... I'm crying and screaming for my dad, she's telling us goodbye! She called out for her sister veronica, who was standing in the back, to make sure she was there too, and she then said, the lord had prepared a place for her! Talk about a blessing, a true God thing. Mom had went there to get better, she wasn't ready to go, but when He finally gave her that peace, it was beautiful and much needed for us all. We watched her 02 slowly fall the rest of the night. Me and my sis and dad and a cpl aunts, and cousins, as well my baby girl, who at 16 was so strong for her nana, stayed with her taking turns at her side, and playing Selah's Hiding Places cd, her favorite.. Then at 7:05 am friday august 29, last year, mom went to be with Him. I had friend Vanessa from church come and pray for mom at the hospital. She brought her five year old daughter, who had drawn mom a picture of a little girl flying a kite and a big butterfly in the background. Mom asked for the picture twice, she held on to it. Vanessa shared a story with me as she left about her stepdaughter, who had passed away very young. Her daddy brought her a butterfly home one day, and she said , 'no daddy, butterflies are meant to be free!!' I shared that with mom. I think she was the butterfly, it was time for her to be free. God works in mysterious ways. I'm sorry it was so long, thank you for reading. Christy

Hi everyone! It's been over a year now since my beautiful momma passed away and I just havent had it in me to come back, til now. I promised to share her end days story and I'll do that shortly. It's an amazing one. There are so many new members.. sad, but good they found us! I hope to be coming back more often and get updated! love to you all, christy

She fought long and hard. Someday, I will share the whole beautiful story of her last few days. Here is the obit for now. Please keep us n your prayers, we need them so much. I dont know how to go on without her. I've been cheated out of 20 years! My heart is broken. http://www.legacy.com/MuskogeePhoenix/O ... =116761278

Thank you all. I've done some reading, looks like brain mets CAN cause nausea. So WHY we just cking this after a year n a half?

My mom started having this a cpl years ago. She has a paralyzed vocal chord, from all the treatments I guess.

My mom's an 8 year survivor, technically diagnosed at IIIb, but a IV for a few years now. THERE IS HOPE. C.

My mom has been battling debilitating nausea for a hear and a half. She finally had her gallbladder removed several weeks ago. She did better for a few weeks, but it's back.. Now what?? She's got every antinauseau known to man. They now want a brain MRI. Could brain mets have anything to do with nausea?? Her cancer has been contained to her lung and lymph nodes for this last 8 years, we've been blessed. I'm just scared. She's lost thirty lbs over last year n a half, bout 98 lbs now.. God help us all. Thank you, Christy

I just can't thank you all enough. Your words are so comforting, at a time like this, not much is, and you've made me feel a little peace. It's still so unreal. We've been to his house, doing things that need to be done.. so weird.. Where's Robert?? He should be sitting in that chair!! My daddy is dealing best he can, I know he cries when he gets down time, who wouldn't.. We'll be ok, life goes on.. I'm not sure how it does, but I know it does.. He had a beautiful service on Monday with the Air Force Honor Guard. He had many medals and awards. I think TAPS is the saddest song on earth. He would've loved it. My grandpa has lost two sons and a wife in the last three years.. I know I can come here and express myself anytime, and that helps so much. Again, you're all a blessing to me. Love and prayers for us all, Christy

My uncle chose to end his lc battle, which was drawing very near the end, himself today. I came here to vent a bit. I loved him, did all he would let me do for him, as did my parents and his sister that lived near by. He was retired air force, never married or had kids. He was a very different man, while very thoughtful in some ways, very hard in others. His opinion was the right one. Up until the end he still griped at my dad if he got Bounty paper towels instead of Brawny, or whatever.. Why be so hard and cold, especially to the ones who are trying their best to take care of you. Hospice had approached my uncle a cpl days ago with the question of "what are you going to do when you're not able to care for yourslef?" With the VA home being brought up, my uncle refused to speak of it. My daddy assured him he would take care of him at home as long as he could! This man had controled every aspect of his life, how on earth could he give it up now??? And he didn't. He chose to end his own life, shot himself in the chest, either last night or this mornng, not sure yet. But one thing I do know is this. HE KNEW MY DADDY WOULD FIND HIM!! Damnit, why not take all them pills sitting on the counter??? I know he was suffering, and I don't blame him one bit, but why did he have to shoot himself?? My poor dad will forever have that image in his mind now!!! He had a notebook, with things like, 'my funeral suit is in the closet, it's marked.' He told which casket he wanted. I wish he coulda left a note, saying anything, but how bout I'm SORRY, or thank you for all you've done, but..., Or I love you bro, but I have to do this! I'm heartbroken, and yet I'm angry! I'm hurting, but just in shock that he ended this way! Thanks for letting me vent. I love and pray for you all even though I don't hang out here much these days. Christy

She will be missed.. Prayers for the family.. Christy

My mom has gone to the one here in Oklahoma since she was diagnosed EIGHT years ago. They may not have the 'miracle drug', but they sure do CARE and treat people with a lot more dignity and respect than any other place we've been. God is ultimately our healer, but they're a wonderful place to get treatment. God bless, Christy

All I know is I'm right there with ya.

I'm so glad you called hopsice and that your dad is happy with this decision, as it is a very hard one to make. I'm an aide with hospice, I absolutely love my job, as hard is it, it's so rewarding. I'm sure your dad's nurse told you today all hopsice can offer you. It can be such a blessing! The nurses are wonderful, saveing you trips to the doctor, and even supplying certaing meds. As an aide, I get to really share a special time with my poeple, loving them til the end, it's an honor. If you have any questions, feel free ask. Love n prayers, Christy

I'm so sorry for all you're going through. I just want you to know, I work for hospice, and if you find a good one, bringing him home for your final days together can be a good thing, from my experience. But no matter what, you can never be prepared... and again, I'm so very sorry.. Prayers for you both. love christy

:)Thank you all so much. She's got more courage than I do, but she still doesn't see it.. Glad you're sharing it luvmydad, hope it gives your dad more hope as well. Christy

Mom's breathing test shows 'severe copd'. I pray that new spireva inhaler helps. I think I'm getting depressed, so much going on. My mom wants to feel like her old self again and I want her back so bad I can't stand it sometimes. Thanks for your prayers for my family. ps my uncle has now requested Oxygen. And he keeps getting dizzy and noone cares enough to find out why. I don't understand these doctors. I put my trust in Him, the Great Physician. Christy

Hi Connie, thank you for the info. She had a breathing test yesterday to be sure. I will mention the heart issue to her today. She just started the Tarceva a few days ago for the second time, so it's not that, the breathing issue has been going on for longer than that. Her doctor also said it could have something to do with her hiatal hernial making it difficult to breathe. So much to deal with... C.

Mom is starting feel the effects of hers... It took a backburner 7 years ago when we found out about the cancer at the same time, but now she's having trouble breathing, tires easily.. She had a breathing test today. Her pulm. put on her Spireva. (sp?) I hope it helps. She's just not herself anymore.. C.

She was interviewed for one of Tulsa's magazines, Community Spirit. Here's her interview. She's on page 38. It's pdf, but you can hit the next page button til ya get there. http://www.communityspiritmagazine.com/files/200711.pdf

I emailed one news station.. haven't heard back yet. My mom was interviewed by a local Christian radio station, for the CTCA, but still, it will be airing this month! Also, she was interviewed by a local Christian magazine, and she's featured in it this month as well!! I'll post a link when it gets up. I'm so proud of my mom. C.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your uncle. It's scary how something like this can go so wrong, so fast.. Trust me... I know... We really 'bonded' in that hospital, we probably needed that time together, bad way to get it, but it really made us grateful for each other. We're closer than ever, and I thank God for him every day. I'm so blessed to have him. I thank God that I got him there in time as well; it truely was a God thing. I just knew something was terribly wrong, not just the flu... MaryAnn, you're very lucky to have a doctor like that! And I too hope this Dr Worley learned something from this. (I can still see him, standing there, like he was all knowing, saying how he'd been wrong before, but he sure didn't think he was this time!) Thank you all for your kind words and sympathizing with me! C.

I'm so so very sorry. What can mere words do at a time like this? I'm just devastated for you. I HATE THIS DAMN DISEASE!!!

It's taken me about six weeks to get the place where I can finally talk about this with my lc family. Mid September, my husband was getting ready for work, like he does every week day afternoon. We ran to the bank, came home, he complained of being just SOO tired, and decided to take a quick nap before work. He laid on the couch, but quickly got up saying he was nauseas, walked to the table, where I was standing, and passed out... He came to just as quick as he went down, got up, walked to the bed, and complained of being cold. He said he was fine, prob just got up to fast, is why he passed out. He proceded to have chills, and had a 'breakdown' when we couldn't find the remote control! It scared me to death, how he had just begun acting so weird. I called the ambulance, just to come and check him out. They did their test, his heart was fine, bp was a little low. He wouldn't go with them to the hospital, figured the flu just hit him quick. That night, along with the following week was just a nightmare. He had chills, fevers up to 103, then sweats.. He was absolutely delirious; he said things that didn't make any sense at all... He began coughing up blood by morning, and had also gotten a terrible pain in his shoulder when he breathed. By this time, I told him he was going to the ER and that was it. *he was ready to go by this time as well!* I got his things together, got him in the van, where I drove for the longest 45 minutes of my life to the hospital. We got in right away, because he had chest pains. This is only 18 hours into our ordeal. They do bloodwork, ct scan, and decide has a severe agressive form of pneumonia. He was already septic, it was in his blood stream. He spent two days in ICU. They said he could've died had I not gotten him there when I did. I was scared to death. His respirations where twice what they should be as I watched his body fight this infection with all he had. I prayed... He was moved to a regular room, where he had to stay for 3 more days, as the docs wanted him to have 5 days worth of IV antibitics. He was on morphine for the pain as well; he hurt so bad when he breathed. AS IF all this wasn't bad enough... This pulmonologist comes in to our room and says this: You have a mass in your lung, nothing else shows up like this, prepare yourself for the worst, you're looking at chemo and radiation. OMG I could've died right there. AND how could he just tell us this by just looking at a ct scan?? Don't you need a biopsy to confirm?? Shouldn't he have said, 'you have something that looks suspicious, I want to ck it out. Let's do a biopsy and see what iit is.' I slept in that tiny hospital bed with my husband that night; holding each other tight, not knowing what was to come.. (I knew I would cry writing this.. prob why I waited so long..) (If you're still reading this, GOD BLESS YOU! ) So, we get out of the hospital, depressed, and waiting for a few days for the scheduled dreaded biopsy.. The day arives, my husband goes in, I sit and pray. The doc comes out and says this, 'I couldn't find anything to biopsy' I get all excited and he says, oh no, we're not done yet, could be that it's just too small for me to see with this (instrument that they use when going in to do a biopsy). He orders another ct because you can see more magnified with it. We go home, a few days later the doctor calls and says, 'whatever it was is gone'. PRAISE GOD! Wonderful news. He said that what he saw must've been really bad pneumonia, or he was the luckiest man ever. But over the next few days, while I'm so relieved.. I'm soo ANGRY with this crazy doctor for telling us this, without KNOWING. HOW COULD HE? It doesn't really matter, I don't guess, but it does to me.. He took years off our lives with that scare! The doctor does want a follow up ct in three months because of 'enlarged lymph nodes' in the chest area. On a positive note, my husband has quit smoking. He's done wonderful and I'm so proud of him. I don't know what I'd do without him. I know how it feels to have a mom with lung cancer, and it's beyond horrible, but now I had a taste of what it's like to have a spouse with it... I want no part of it. My heart goes out to all you spouses, and my poor Daddy... And to the survivors.. my husband had a week where he really thought he had it, and that it was going to be so bad, and spread everywhere... He was so worried about ME through all this.. It's just terrible, all the way around, for all invovled.. I'm sorry for this being so long. I think it did me good to get it all out though.. So, thank you.. for listenig, and for always being here for me, you are all wonderful people, my lc family. Christy