Judy M. reacted to Steff in There are days....
I read your post a few days ago and it really hit me, but I didn't have the words or thoughts of how I wanted to reply since I am not the cancer survivor and don't want to make everything about me. But I too, as a care advocate for my mom, feel the nagging thoughts in my everyday activities. And honestly, I think you all do so much better in dealing with those nagging thoughts than I do. I will use my mom as an example...I speak to her everyday via phone. Yesterday happened to be the first day we did not talk about cancer, how she is feeling, upcoming appointments, etc for nearly a year. I had decided after reading your post that I would not be the one to bring up cancer in our phone visits unless something major was going on (I really had to look at what I consider to be MAJOR because I think EVERYTHING is MAJOR!!!). I realized that I was probably putting my nagging thoughts onto her and that is the last thing she needs. And voila, when I did not bring up cancer she did not either! So, although I cannot help with any "words of wisdom" in regard to dealing with nagging thoughts (since I totally suck at it!!!), I want to let you know that you are not alone. And I also want to say thank you...although I am sure it wasn't your intention, you helped me to realize how I can be unintentionally placing my baggage onto my mom when I really try hard not to.
I hope that those nagging thoughts lessen for you and for all survivors.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Judy M. reacted to Tom Galli in There are days....
Unfortunately, I still get hit right between the eyes. Case in point, I've had a nagging congested chest condition with a "dry patch" in my throat since mid May. My GP ordered and ENT endoscope consult followed by an MRI. So alarm bells are ringing in my head! Recurrence, even after long periods of NED is common. Living with the threat is partly finding one's new normal, but the threat is always hanging around my mind and effects my day to day life. For example, I pay close attention to medical expense and medical evacuation benefits on the travel insurance policy I now purchase for every international vacation. And, I still have that scanziety drill for my two scheduled oncology consultations a year.
Lung cancer really is part of my life. It is ever present in my mind. Sometimes, I am overwhelmed by its reality. My only solutions is to....
Stay the course.
Judy M. reacted to KatieB in There are days....
I know many lung cancer survivors who feel this way too. As a survivor- I also feel this way a lot. It's surreal. The what-ifs are dangerous...and comparing this life with the one you used to have is also a bad thing to do.
I guess it's about taking things a day at a time until this life becomes your new normal. The struggle is that cancer happened to you...it wasn't a choice you made...but now you're tasked with surviving it and making life good again.
Many hugs for you. Hope today is a better day.
Judy M. got a reaction from Tom Galli in So Far So Good
Time to try again to update this. Have only my Android phone to work with and for some reason what I'm writing tends to disappear in the midst of writing it and will sometimes reappear and sometimes not. So if an update I've tried to write previously appears before this that's the explanation for that. Have now had both PET and bone scans. I had 3 tumors in my lungs and no spread elsewhere before S. B. R. T. and 3 rounds of Cisplatin/Alimta. PET shows tumor in upper right lung no activity. Tumor in lower right lung enlarged a bit and down from previous S. U. V. of 3.3 to 2. 5. Tumor in left lung similar in size previous S. U. V. 5.3 and present S. U. V. 1.9. I must admit that I'm disappointed that they didn't all disappear like the one did. But Radiology Oncologist says he doesn't even consider those values to be cancer. Bad news is that I now have a 1.5 cm. tumor in my left hip that has been causing me some pain and lit up at 8.2 S. U. V. and also showed up on the bone scan. Will start radiation for that this week and Rad. On. assured me that though he can't promise me it won't show up somewhere else he's going to kill that tumor. Also a nodule on my left adrenal that's just been sitting there doing nothing is now 2 cm. and showed up at 2.7 on PET. So that will be biopsied on the 18th. So, that's my latest news. Would I still choose S. B. R. T. with a curative intent with limited stage 3 or 4 lung cancer and surgery not an option even though this round of the battle didn't come out N. E. D.? Yes. I still think in my circumstances given the options I had available at the time this was my best choice. And I believe S. B. R. T. is going to save some lives that would otherwise have been lost.