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Clover

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  1. I'm not sure if I post this in reply but was asked to tell a bit about my mom in general. She was born in Virgina but we don't know much about her biological family just that she was adopted by a couple in High Point North Carolina (my grandparents) My mom was very much an individual and very independent. After a year in public highschool she asked to go to a private all girls school (think it was called stratford) My mom and my dad were off and on dating through out highschool and lived a couple of blocks apart. My mom and dad were going to elope but her mother put together a quick wedding for them. My mom gave up a "comfortable" lifestyle to be with my father. She waitressed to help pay for his college. They moved around a bit. One time they lived in virgina beach and my mom took up surfing. She had my oldest brother when she was 22, in '68 and then had my other brother in '73. She has me when se was 34. Supposedly they were going to give up having a 3rd one but my mom was set on finally getting a baby girl. My mom was always very caring. She loves animals. She took in strays and help them find homes and even took care of baby birds and squrrils if they lost their mother. She loved us kids alot. She dedicated her life to being a mom and putting us first and making sure we had everything we needed. I was never really a daddy's girl cause my dad was always away on business so I clung to my mom alot. We've always been real close have always felt I could tell my mom just about anything. I left home at 19 to go off to school and it really got her depressed for a while. Even me being here in Boston my mom and I would talk to each other 2 to 3 times a day. If I saw I cute guy in the grocery store I'd call her and tell her about it. Or we would call each other about a tv show we saw. She is the one who keeps the family together. I've always been the rebelious one in the family but my mom loved me no matter what. She never really cared for the tattooing and some of my music but she tried to get it. I even told her one time I'd remove all my tatts and wear what she wants me to if she would stop smoking and she said "but come to think of it I kind of like your tattoos and the way you dress" Only thing I can critize my mom about is that smoking was always number one. I'm just very dependent on my mom. I don't know how I will function if she dies. The thought that my mom may never see me get married (we have been planning my wedding since I was 5 cause I was always obsessed with bridal magazines) may never see me have a kid...... I mean honestly my whole life seems pointless if she isn't there. She is the one I've always looked to for acceptance and guidance and included her in my future plans in life. The whole point of my life was to see her see me do things. I mean I understand one day I'd lose her but not this early. I haven't even really lived yet. I know life isn't fair... I know death is inescapable ... I mean I know the realistic things in life like you have to go on and things just happen that we can't control but at the same time its rather ridiculous and somehow wrong. Reason kind of stops existing. Caroline
  2. The problem though is my mom I think is to the point she doesn't want to try anymore. She doesn't want it to make her sicker and knock her down when she still can't walk. When she was first told she had cancer she went and got 3 opinions and they all basically said the same thing. We would take her out of state but my mom isn't well enough to endure the trip. Everyone, my dad, my brother, and now me are giving up. My mom doesn't want to go to the hospital anymore. Her coughing spasism are getting worse and we are working with hospice. I think my mom doesn't want to try anymore. She says she isn't giving up but yet when she doesn't want to go to the hospital. I don't know what to do I can't force her to do something she doesn't want to do. But if there is a slight chance something might could work you'd think she'd maybe want to try. But then her mind isn't all there anymore and my brother thinks to some degree she chooses to pretend she is okay and nothing is wrong. I just don't know what to do and scared. Caroline
  3. I stumbled upon this site I guess wanting answers, maybe hope of some kind. My mom is 58 and this fall she found out she had stage 4 lung cancer. Not sure what it is called but its the kind that grows slow. She has a massive tumor in her right lung in her upper lobe and some smaller tumors in her left lung. She also has cancer cells in her chest cavity. She, like many, was a smoker. Hell, even after she found out she had lung cancer she would lock herself in her bathroom and sneek a cigerette. She was that addicted. She on the surface sounded positive at first and started chemo because she was led to believe that she may only have a month or 2 left if she didn't start right away. The chemo practically killed her. She only got through 2 treatments before she was so weak she couldn't stand. She wouldn't eat. She had a lung infection prior to starting the chemo but the doctors didn't feel it was serious enough to prolong her chemo treatment. Turns out her lung infection plus the chemo really knocked her down. She had gotten so dehydrated from constant diaherra my dad had to call 911 and she spent all of this x-mas and new yrs in the hospital. She had on top of the dehydration, pneumonia (spelling?) and her lungs had collapsed. They had to put a tube inbetween her ribs to drain out all the fluid. She was on alot of meds and even started seeing 'dead people" and talking to them. Somehow she started to come around.... started to sound like herself again and they started radiation and physical therapy. She came home though we had to get her a hospital bed and 24/7 nurses to help. We thought she was starting to get better, hoping the radiation was working and then a week of being home and acting normal she all of sudden starts turning blue and can't breathe. We go back to the hospital. Its pneumonia again. She didn't have to stay in the hospital that long but she is on oxygen all the time and recieves breathing treatment. They did a catscan on her before she left and supposedly the radiation wasn't working like they had hoped. She was pretty much acting like "mom" and was starting to get her strength back and was able to finally get in and out of a wheelchair but she talks funny. She talks "crazy" like she doesn't hear us or says things out of the blue. My brother says she refuses to go back to the hospital. I'm afraid she may have had a stroke or something on top of this or the cancer has spread to her brain. My dad says the doctors said there really isn't more they can do but is that true? Is there nothing left to be done? Is it really over or growing near the end? I'm only 24 yrs old and though I'm an adult I still need her around. This may sound childish but I want my mommy and I'm losing all hope. Thanks for listening Caroline
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