Dear Sundrop,
Please do not punish yourself with guilt. Before your dad had cancer there was no need for you to know about it. I am a stage 3A survivor. I am 57 years old. I have a masters degree in education. There was so much that I did not know, had never heard of, and I had lung cancer. I listened to people and many times they had conflicting opinions about what I should do, as did my doctors at one point. To me a stage was for a play, mets were a baseball team. I had heard of chemo, but had no idea how it worked or even how it was administered, same thing for radiation. Never saw a CT machine or Pet scan machine before. Never heard of them. You did the best you knew to do. Be gentle with yourself please.