beckyonlychild

I too can relate. My mom is very angry all the time. I cannot say or do anything right. I do think that she wants to control anything and if she is mean to me and her boyfriend it is because it makes her feel she has the power in the relationship. I don't think she even realizes she does it anymore. It is just her new personality. When I have asked why she is so mad she says she is not mad at me she is mad at the cancer. It is so hard to deal with trying to do anything possible for a person who, unless you find a cure for cancer, you just can't seem to make happy. I feel guilty when I hang up the phone crying bc of how she speaks to me. What choice do we have. We are not the ones with cancer. I just expect it now.

It nice to just "vent" to people who know what it is like to have a life that is unsure from moment to moment. I told my mother I thought that maybe we should have asked more questions at the last onc appt in june(which would have been hard since she talked non stop. I think she did not want to give the doc to get a word in to talk to her). She says that it doesnt matter anyway and all they would have told her is that she is going to die. She told me she was fine and not to worry. It is none of my business. She also reminds me that I am POA for financial not medical so I wont have to worry about any decisions. She will not speak at all with me anyways about any possible arrangements,wishes or plans in the event she becomes very ill. She has spoke with her boyfriend. I dont have a problem with the boyfriend making decisions and representing her. But, how can I help someone who will not let me and definetly doesnt WANT my help. How do I just sit and wait day after day to see what is going to happen? I have been doing this now for almost two years.I am beside myself with this waiting to hurry up feeling. Any more advice? Just because she doesnt talk about it or have any idea of how sick she is does not mean it doesnt exsist.

I have been reading the posts daily for about eight months now but wasn't sure how to ask my questions. My siutation is quite different than anything I have read. My mom age 62 was diagnosed Nov 03 with a carcinoid tumor and "spot" too high up in the lung for a biopsy. They went into to do surgery and the "spot" was a cancer free floating lymph node. Good news but, when they tested the other lymph nodes they came up with NSCLC origin unknown. So surgery was stopped and she was left with the carcinoid. She left the hosp in Jan of 04 on 4liters of Oxygen which she remains on. Her six weeks of Chemo and Radiation was concluded in May of 04. Since that time CT and x-ray have shown a spot on the adrenals a spot on the liver and recently small plueral effusion and pericardial effusion caused by the radiation? She also has developed CHF after all of this. She can walk only short distance and then is very winded. She sleeps constantly. She never was able to go back to work after her surgery.She was told she is not a canidate for any trials because of the two different types of cancer. My questions is that they have done NO OTHER treatment or even seem concerned about the new spots. She has now lost 20lbs in the last six weeks but she still eats good. She is slightly confused but is managing well. I read statistics and she should not be here let alone doing so well. Should I be more aggressive and ask her to have more tests to see what the new things are? Or should I let this go since she has the attitude that if she doesnt know than it isnt happening. My fear is that something has been misdiagnosised or that maybe realistically the new things don't matter in the big picture or what if more can be done? What do you experts think? Back to top

I have been reading the posts daily for about eight months now but wasn't sure how to ask my questions. My siutation is quite different than anything I have read. My mom age 62 was diagnosed Nov 03 with a carcinoid tumor and "spot" too high up in the lung for a biopsy. They went into to do surgery and the "spot" was a cancer free floating lymph node. Good news but, when they tested the other lymph nodes they came up with NSCLC origin unknown. So surgery was stopped and she was left with the carcinoid. She left the hosp in Jan of 04 on 4liters of Oxygen which she remains on. Her six weeks of Chemo and Radiation was concluded in May of 04. Since that time CT and x-ray have shown a spot on the adrenals a spot on the liver and recently small plueral effusion and pericardial effusion caused by the radiation? She also has developed CHF after all of this. She can walk only short distance and then is very winded. She sleeps constantly. She never was able to go back to work after her surgery.She was told she is not a canidate for any trials because of the two different types of cancer. My questions is that they have done NO OTHER treatment or even seem concerned about the new spots. She has now lost 20lbs in the last six weeks but she still eats good. She is slightly confused but is managing well. I read statistics and she should not be here let alone doing so well. Should I be more aggressive and ask her to have more tests to see what the new things are? Or should I let this go since she has the attitude that if she doesnt know than it isnt happening. My fear is that something has been misdiagnosised or that maybe realistically the new things don't matter in the big picture or what if more can be done? What do you experts think?