dchurchi

I know it has been a very long time since my last post, but I do lurk and keep up with how everyone is doing. I just sort of needed a break for awhile. As Thanksgiving quickly approaches I feel Alan's abscence more deeply, to compound the situation my birthday is the day after Thanksgiving. So my first two big Holidays without Alan are just one day apart. Maybe that's a good thing I can get a big chunk of grieving out of the way. I just know how hard it is going to be looking at the empty place at our dinner table. In addition I will be the only one without a significant other. My day got even worse when I found out one of my good friends here at work was diagnosed yesterday with lung cancer that has already spread to her brain. She is having gama knife tomorrow as tumor is on the brain stem. Does it ever end. I want to wish each and everyone of you the Happiest of Thanksgivings. My prayers are always with you.

Amy, My husband Alan had 1 brain met that was 3.0cm x 3.5cm crushing his brain stem. Alan had WBR and survived another 3 years. Patients can survive for sometime after a DX of brain mets. Prayers to you and your Dad

Innovating style for me

Hello my chat friends, Wanted to let you know I am doing just fine. school is keeping me very busy on Tuesday and Thursday nights, which helps fill the void of going home to an empty house. I have been missing Alan so much. We loved watching college and pro football together, and looking over at the couch and not seeing him in his Notre Dame jersey was difficult on me. I am sure over time the pain will ease. I got a new tattoo in Rememberance of mine and Alan's time together. It is of an Orchid as Alan gave me Orchids every anniversary. The only thing I am dissappointed about is after it was almost done I found out I could have had some of Alan's ashes added into the tattoo. Oh well now I just need to get another one. Hope all of you are doing well, I miss you all and keep you close in my prayers.

(((Christy))) I know no words are approprite at this time. So I am sending hugs and prayers to you and your family. Lean on us during your time of grief. we are here for you.

Hi Gloria, Although my husband had small cell LC, the appetite issue is the same for most. I used to say the Alan had "pregnancy cravings" as he would want the stangest foods, but the minute has stated he was "hungry" for something I went out and found whatever it was. Also, if you just set "finger" foods that your dad can just reach over and eat, you might find he does it with out even knowing he is eating. Like your dad, Alan got to the point of flat out refusing to drink any more Ensure. Many others have said Carnation Instant Breakfast is tasty and has lots of calories. Alan would eat pudding cups ect. At times even the process of chewing could be exhausting, so anything that could be just swallowed was what Alan would want. My prayers go out to you and your family.

Coni, Decadron landed my husband in the psych ward as it put him into a steriod induced psychosis. Once they weaned him off the drug he returned to the wonderful man I fell in love with. I believe once your husbanded has tapered of decadron he will return to his old self.

Sandra, I was going to mention low platelets as that is what caused major nose bleeds in Alan, but someone already brought this to your attention. So sending big hugs and hopes they can get them under control.

Teri, Oh how I know what you mean about being stuck in neutral. I feel as if I am a ship lost at sea. I am going around in circles unable to get out of the fog. I have no idea what direction I should be going in. I know that I have not completely accepted the fact that Alan is gone, and not coming back. There are times I will call my home number to retrieve messages, and I almost expect Alan to answer the phone. When the grief does hit the physical pain is almost paralyzing. I have heard enough that with time things will get better, right now I don't believe any of it. The wound it too deep. I am far from accepting that this is how my life is going to be. My therapist and I have lots of work to do!!! Hugs to all of us who are walking this unwanted journey.

Linda, I am going to assume your mom is have radiation to her lung so I will share the side effects my husband Alan had. The worst was probably with swallowing. For awhile Alan could only eat very soft foods and liquids that were more room temp vs. being cold or hot. The Dr can perscribe magic mouthwash if this becomes an issue with your mom. Fatigue was another big issue for Alan. Sending prayers for you and your mom

Hi Christine, I was caregiver to my husband and not the patient. However, having said that as my husband was the patient I needed to honor what he wanted. He was the one facing the disease and all its treatments. Alan was very comfortable with both his medical and radiation oncologist, and I believe because he did have trust and faith in them it help Alan in his overall battle with his cancer. Prayers to you and your family.

Hi Christina, I am very sorry you need us, but glad you found us. The 1st couple of months I think are the hardest as you and your husband get adjusted to what will become your "new normal". Believe it or not you will fall into a routine that works for the both of you. As my husband had Small cell lung cancer I can not comment on the chemo drugs, but many others will be able to help. My prayers to you and your husband as you embark on this unwanted journey.

Lisa, I am very sorry about the loss of your Mom. I know no words will comfort the pain you are feeling within your heart. I am offering up prayers to you and your family.

I have a BS in Business Admin. Have worked in the Mortgage industry for the past 13 years. (Before that I was a letter carrier for the United States Postal Service. I understand why they go "POSTAL"). I volunteer at the hospital where Alan was treated. The most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life. Currently I am adjusting to my "new life" without Alan. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. That's it folks, nothing very exciting here.

Sandra, I can not offer up much in regards to the treatments, but you are in my prayers. I hope you get relief soon.

Hi Lynn, I know too well what you are going through, although not exactly as Alan and I had no children. I just went back to work today, but I took 5 weeks off after Alan died before I even attempted going back. It was slow going, but I made it through. Please take more time if you can. The hard part for me was coming home to an EMPTY house. No one to tell about how my day went. As for crying, for me I NEVER know when the tear storms are going to hit, but I no longer fight them. I honestly do not care what other people think. They have no idea what I am going through. Please send me a PM if you want and maybe we can help each other through this unwanted journey. I will keep you and your son in my prayers.

Hi Maggie, I hope you find our cyber family full of support. I lost my husband Alan 5 short weeks ago. The support I have received from all the loving people on this board has gotten me through some dark days. I am sure I do not need to tell you what a wonderful daughter you have. My continued prayers for you and Shelli.

Hi Kelly, My husband also had trouble with insomnia, but it was due to the steriods he was on, and not necessarily chemo. I am glad to hear that you have no bad side effects from the treatments. Keep up the fight.

Here in Southern California it is always in minutes/hours as the same 15 mile drive can take anywhere from 20 minutes to 1.5 hours to travel depending on the time of day.

(((Marci))) Praying for both your mom and you. Try and take care of yourself.

Sarah, I too, used to lay awake and watch Alan sleep. My only hope was that he was comfortable and not in any pain. It was a relief to me when he was sleeping peacefully, because that meant he was as comfortable as he could be. You are right in how we become so close to people we have never physically met, but the people on this site have come to mean so much to me. We feel their triumphs and their loses as if they were our own. Continued prayers to all of us.

(((Lynn))) I am very sorry to hear of Larry's passing. I know how difficult this is, but I am happy to hear Larry died at home as he wished. I will pray that some how you find comfort in the fact Larry is now cancer free and no longer suffers. Please send me a PM if you need to "talk"

If he wants to go that much then I say go. Alan and I took trips together for as long as we could. I just made sure to travel with as much information as I could. Usually the written reports of Alan's most recent scans, list of all medications, all his dr's phone numbers, and a copy of Alan's advanced directive. Go have fun and enjoy yourselves. Alan and I took an amazing trip to New York City right after treatments for brain mets. Seeing the joy in Alan's face made all the worry go away.

Marci, I am sorry to hear your mom could be battling the beast again. If it would help you better prepare yourself, then I would call her Dr and speak to him/her. I did the same with Alan's Dr. I will keep both you and your mom in my prayers

Judy, I can not offer up anything in regards to your treatment, but I can offer up lots of prayers that you feel better soon.