We held Alan's Memorial Service yesterday, and it was a beautiful tribute to my amazing husband. For me though I have been overcome with an overwhelming sense of loneliness. Alan's service made his passing "Real", and final. I came home today and I have never felt so alone. Alan and I didn't have any children, so it is just me. Yes I do have family and friends who at a moments notice would be at my side, but that will not last forever, but living without Alan is forever and I am just now trying to adjust to that reality. I have entered this area of limbo. I am no longer married, but in no way consider myself single. I spent the past 3.5 years taking care of Alan, and now I am trying to figure what my "new" purpose in life is. I am just feeling very lost.
I needed to get my emotions out, and thank you for letting me do that. I continue to pray everyday for all of us who continue to battle this dreaded disease.