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dchurchi

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Everything posted by dchurchi

  1. dchurchi

    Females/Males

    I agree with what most have stated about men not really talking about their illness, or wanting to let people in on how they are feeling emotionally. Right up until the last few weeks prior to Alan's passing he would tell people he was "fine" and ask them how they were. His family knew if they wanted the truth about his condition to ask me.
  2. We held Alan's Memorial Service yesterday, and it was a beautiful tribute to my amazing husband. For me though I have been overcome with an overwhelming sense of loneliness. Alan's service made his passing "Real", and final. I came home today and I have never felt so alone. Alan and I didn't have any children, so it is just me. Yes I do have family and friends who at a moments notice would be at my side, but that will not last forever, but living without Alan is forever and I am just now trying to adjust to that reality. I have entered this area of limbo. I am no longer married, but in no way consider myself single. I spent the past 3.5 years taking care of Alan, and now I am trying to figure what my "new" purpose in life is. I am just feeling very lost. I needed to get my emotions out, and thank you for letting me do that. I continue to pray everyday for all of us who continue to battle this dreaded disease.
  3. (((Teri))) Keeping you close in prayer today.
  4. This past Valentines day Alan was still on chemo, in a wheelchair and unable to leave the house. My mom was visiting from Flordia and Alan asked her to please purchase a card and small gift to give to me on Valentines Day. That is who Alan was. Sick with not only the recurrance of his cancer, but also with the chemo treatments, and his only concern was that he give his wife a beautiful card and small gift on the day which symbolizes love. That turned out to be our last Valentine's Day, but the one I will never forget as long as I live.
  5. Prayers for the family and for you Jen.
  6. As I just recently lost Alan, I too feel lost as to who I am at this moment. I gave up all my own activities (very willingly and would do so again in a heartbeat) to care for Alan these past 3 years, that to just pick up and get "my life" back seems almost impossible. I feel so lost.
  7. Many Prayers coming Rich's way
  8. Kasey, I will have a 7 & 7 in honor of my beloved Alan, that was his favorite.
  9. dchurchi

    Terry Bones

    Flo, I am saddened to learn of your loss. It is true though, Terry no longer is suffering. My prayers for you and your entire family.
  10. I remember someone asking me how I was sleeping since Alan passed, and I somewhat jokingly stated I had not slept in 3.5 years. Thank you Patti for sharing this. As we know too well, cancer effects us all. Continued prayers for us all.
  11. dchurchi

    I spoke to Soon

    (((Dar))), I went through the same thing. After Alan died I didn't really cry, then this past Saturday the 1 week "anniversary" of Alan's passing, I think I cried for 24 straight hours, body rocking sobs. The past few days have been better, but I am sure the waves of pure dispair of missing Alan will come and go for a very long time. My heart goes out to you Dar.
  12. I wanted to add to this discussion. When Alan was 1st diagnosed both avoided the subject of "what could" happen. Eventually Alan and I had a heart to heart discussion about how he would "want" to die. I thank God we did have this talk. I knew exactly what Alan wanted and did everything in my power to fulfill his final wishes. If at all possible Alan wanted to die at home, in his own living room with his family with him. I have incrediable peace of mind know that is exactly how Alan went home to His God. In his living room with me holding his hand and kissing his forehead. My uncle died instantly behind the wheel of his car some 20 years ago. After his death I often wondered what would be better, to die instantly with no pain or knowledge of what was happening to you, or die from an illness that could be long drawn out. After my experiences with Alan's illness I would take the 2nd choice. Alan and I were able to create some wonderful memories in his final years. Alan was able to make amends to the people he felt mending fences was needed. Alan fulfilled the dream of building a home with his brothers (His brother now lives in that home). The last words Alan spoke to me and me to him were "I love you". Although an incredible void is left in my heart and soul, I would not change one moment of these past 3.5 years. Alan was able to do what very few people will do. He died on his terms. Thank you for letting me give my opinion on this difficult, but very important subject. Continued prayers to us all.
  13. Gail, My thoughts and prayers are with you. Hank, like Alan, is no longer in pain or dealing with the horrid disease. May you find some peace in comfort in knowing he no longer has to fight the beast.
  14. dchurchi

    He is gone

    Christine, I am sorry for your loss. Now Alan and Jerry are at peace, out of pain and free of cancer. Together they can sit and watch over us. My prayers to you and your family
  15. Alan passed away at 4:00pm this afternoon. It was actually a beautiful and peaceful passing. He was surounded by myself, his daugter, 2 brothers and his sister at home where he wanted to be. I wil never forget the moment Alan's pain ended forever. He is now with God and in a much better place. I miss him so much already, but he will live within me forever. I want to thank each and everyone of you for your prayers for a gentle passing, as that is exactly how Alan went. My continued prayers to all of us the are battling this dreadful disease.
  16. Rana, My husband Alan had 1 large brain met back in july 2005. He was treated with WBR and IMRT radiation. Alan's brain met is gone and he never had a recurrance to his brain. So for 3 years all his brain MRIs have been clear. Prayers to you and your family
  17. dchurchi

    Harry

    Nova, I am very sorry to learn of Harry's passing. I haven't been on the board as much, so please accept my apology for just now posting my condolenses. You will be close in my heart and prayers.
  18. dchurchi

    Good Report!

    This news makes me want to dance around the room in celebration Your story of survival will continue to bring hope to so many on the board. I want to thank you for sharing your story with us for all these years.
  19. Jen, So happy to read this wonderful post. 2 years clear of SCLC!!!!!! Your Dad is just amazing and so are you. I hope you are all celebrating.
  20. I agree with what most of the others have stated. At minimum I would think a CT scan be done every 3-6 months for a while. Also my husband's lead dr. is his medical oncologist and will remain so. All his other drs (radiation oncologist, infectous disease dr) defer to Alan's medical oncologist. Prayers for your family
  21. My husaband Alan had WBR for 1 large met to his brain back in July 2005. Alan has never has a recurrance to his brain. Prayers for you and your family
  22. Gracie, My husband had 1 large met that was crushin his brain stem. Alan had WBR. That was well over 2.5 years ago and although alan's cancer has returned to other parts of his body, it never returned to his brain. I hope your sister will be strong enough to make the wedding. Many Many prayers for your family.
  23. Crazy here, it was well over 100 degrees over the week-end and we were breaking records like crazy. today it is in the mid 60's I say bring back the HEAT!!!!
  24. Gracie, Many prayers are headed your way. I hope your sister is strong enough for the procedure and that she gets relief from all the fluid built up in her lungs.
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