laslalas

Thanks for sharing your experiences. I am really looking forward to hospice coming home with mom (and for her to get out of that gloomy hospital). My family and I have spent so much time trying to mentally and emotionally prepare for death that I never thought to ask how will it physically happen. And mom is anxious about it too as she has begun to ask to be assured that she will not be in pain etc. We tell her she won't, but it seems everyone is a little different. I am just hoping and praying for a peaceful and like Kel's mom's "beautiful" situation. thanks everyone Ellie

Although I was asked to leave, I'm back. This is probably another sort of sensitive topic as was the last one I posted, but like that one, I have no other source of information to deal with this. So if you have beef that's ok, but I need honest answers. Thanks in advance... Mom has been in the hospital for 6 weeks or so with severe sob, clots to lungs and edema. She is immobile and we have just found multiple mets to her brain. She is alert and aware for the most part, but sleeps a lot. Hospice will come when she is released (hopefully soon). She is on very high oxygen and gasps for air a lot, especially when anxious or trying to sit up. She has very limited time. I am glad that she is not in too much pain, and she is not on morphine. She does not want to be on a ventilator. But I am wondering in plain english, how she will die? I am I am very scared that she will die by suffocation, gasping for air. That is a horrifying thought, but that is her main physical symptom-that her lungs are blocked by the tumor and large clots and fluid so she can't breathe. We have already had a situation where the o2 came off her face while she was sleeping and her pulse ox dropped dramatically in minutes. If you have gone through this, please let me know what to expect and how I can prepare. Thanks L

Whoa... I appoligize that I went off on a tangent on statistics. I was trying to address the above topic of the perceived STIGMA of lung cancer. A Stigma is a negative association - not a reason for someone to die or get sick. In no way did I insinuate that the disease is ANYONE'S FAULT or that anyone with LC deserves to die. I merely wanted to touch on the subject of prevention. I did not think that would be offensive. This forum is a community of those who have been stricken by the disease and I did not think it inappropriate to, for one post, recognize future LCSC members -- those whose lives WILL BE stricken with the disease - the millions of people that are in line to get LC -- who DON'T DESERVE TO DIE EITHER. But I guess that is too much to ask.

Donna, I appreciate the delicate nature of this topic, but I do need to reply. Smoking causes cancer. That is the cold hard truth. For me that is not a stigma, it may be for you - especially if you have LC and never smoked - but for me it is a reality. For more than 90% of people, Lung Cancer is a preventable disease. I know patients can't be blamed for getting sick, especially since the perils of smoking were at one time unknown and because addiction is very complex. I for one, do not understand the science of nicotine addiction, but I do know that if you never pick up a cigarette because you are aware that smoking causes Lung Cancer, then you have a .04% chance of developing LC, as opposed to a smoker at 22%. We cannot deny the correllation. Since 1900, smoking has increased by 400% per capita, AND SO HAS LUNG CANCER. This is not a coincidence, people. Also, there are 3,000 deaths PER YEAR reported of Lung Cancer caused by second hand smoke. If you think I am perpetuating a stigma, that's fine, call it whatever you want. But I am going to "shout it from the mountaintops" - I want everyone, especially those thinking of smoking, to know that LUNG CANCER IS CAUSED BY CIGARETTE SMOKING. By hiding this truth, many people will blindly begin smoking without knowing the consequences. I encourage everyone that reads this to, once a week, let a young person know about the detrimental effects of smoking- because if you are reading this, you most likely know from first hand experience. FROM THE CDC WEBSITE: Tobacco use is the leading preventable cause of death in the United States. Cigarette smoking causes an estimated 440,000 deaths, or about 1 of every 5 deaths, each year. This estimate includes 35,000 deaths from secondhand smoke exposure. Cigarette smoking kills an estimated 264,000 men and 178,000 women in the United States each year. More deaths are caused each year by tobacco use than by all deaths from human immunodeficiency virus (HIV), illegal drug use, alcohol use, motor vehicle injuries, suicides, and murders combined. On average, adults who smoke cigarettes die 13–14 years earlier than nonsmokers. Based on current cigarette smoking patterns, an estimated 25 million Americans who are alive today will die prematurely from smoking-related illnesses, including 5 million people younger than 18. Since 1950, lung cancer deaths among women have increased by more than 600%.1 Since 1987, lung cancer has been the leading cause of cancer-related deaths in women.1

I appreciate all of the thoughtfulness that went in to all of your replies. I know that I have to deal with my anger in more constructive ways. To be clear, I have not and will not ever take out my anger on my mom since she was diagnosed. I still care for her, create special times with her and treat her with the utmost love and respect. This post was more about me dealing with it internally, on my own time. Of course I never let her know how her smoking makes me feel, but I still think its difficult to control what I am feeling inside. I can't seem to just "let it go because I will regret it later" - It's something I think I really need to work through. So, I have found a grief counselor who seems to understand what I'm going through and I will be hopefully through with this soon, so that I can be happy without this feeling in the back of my mind... Thank you again for your responses.

Hi Everyone. I am a regular reader, but this is my first post. I want to say that this forum has given me much insight and hope. But I haven't yet found a post that deals with what I am going through. This is a delicate subject and I would like to let you know that I do not want to offend anyone, but I need some help. I am dealing with some serious anger issues surrounding my mom's illness. She was dx over a year ago with stage IV adenocarcenoma. She has had her good moments, but she is steadily getting worse and worse. She is on oxygen and can no longer get up without help, and she is medicated to the point of sleeping 20/hrs a day. I need to deal with this before it is too late. I have searched grief and cancer sites and I know that anger is a typical and usually necessary process. But I have had a constant and increasing anger since I found out my mom was sick. I am not angry at God or cigarette companies, I am angry with her. She made the decision to smoke and the decision not to quit. To this day she tries to (and with my father's assistance) smokes cigarettes. She has no resolve to quit even as her life is quickly diminishing. I am quite libertarian and believe that a person is responsible for their actions, but I also know that addiction is a chemical disease. Even so, there are so many ways she could have quit if she wanted to- but she didn't. She never got help. I am in my early 20's, so as a child of the 80's & 90's, I was taught since preschool how dangerous (and disgusting) smoking is. So every single day of my fricking life I begged, guilt-tripped, pleaded, yelled, lied, tricked (or tried to trick) my mom to quit smoking. Throwing her cigarettes out of the car window, hiding them, showing her pictures of smokers lungs, asking her how she could kill herself to leave me behind, etc - none of that worked (this was all stuff I did as a child, by the way) Why didn't she care enough to listen to me? I was young, yes, but I only wanted her to have a long time on earth. What could I have done to convince her to quit? She didnt even try. And now she will never see me marry, her grandchildren will never know her, my father will be without his wife for the rest of his life- And for what? All because she didn't care enought to make the decision to quit. I really want to let this anger go. I know it is not productive and is hindering my last moments with my mom. I am mad at her and see her as weak, despite all she is going through. Did you go through this? Any help is appreciated.