Artloft

I wake up in the middle of the night saying' Beth is no longer in this world and I will never see her again'' my stomach turns and I start having panic attacks... so I've decided for the time being to drive those thoughts away and not engage in them... I immediately grab one of my puppies and hug them until they make me laugh.... Then yesterday as I was driving I remembered something I had told myself exactly 20 yrs ago regarding death..it's funny because it came to me as I was driving, I remembered my theory of death.... death is a transformation from one form to another ...she is no longer in this form that we are so familiar with but she still with us .. they are never gone....through love they live inside of us forever..... hug your baby everytime a thought comes through, pretty soon I know you will see your mom's smile through your baby's eyes..... be patient with yourself... much love and peace to you..... alena

as I am driving to work I start to remember the last few days. I am trying to fight the image or her frail body... in one week she looked as she had aged forty years..everyone in the hospital kept asking me if she was my grandmother and I would respond NO SHE'S ONLY 49!!! I know all of this I am feeling is part of grieving process but still it's been difficult. Are these memories from the last few days going to ever erase from my mind....... I keep driving them away by thinking of other funny moments but the images and memories seem to take over, when I go to the supermarket, to various places I would go to run errands for her... I have taken to not going out at all... specially the supermarket, I would go for her almost everyday...if I pass by the cheese or fruit section I start to cry ..right in the middle of the supermarket...imagine.... I never thought she would be gone so young and I can not beleive how much I miss her.... I guess one day I will stop crying, maybe I will run out of tears..... thanks for listening..alena

I also wanted to let you know something very important. My friend passed away three weeks ago and though I am still crying just about every day , I find resolve knowing she is no longer in pain and discomfort. Your father did not loose the battle to cancer. Angels come and rescue good people from their suffering bodies and thus take them to that wonderful place in another realm where they go on to watch over all of us. These strong spirits, your father and my friend elizabeth, are the most courageous and incredible figthers and we must learn from their incredible bravery and courage. May you be blessed with peace and love in this coming days,.....alena

I also wanted to let you know something very important. My friend passed away three weeks ago and though I am still crying just about every day , I find resolve knowing she is no longer in pain and discomfort. Your father did not loose the battle to cancer. Angels come and rescue good people from their suffering bodies and thus take them to that wonderful place in another realm where they go on to watch over all of us. These strong spirits, your father and my friend elizabeth, are the most courageous and incredible figthers and we must learn from their incredible bravery and courage. May you be blessed with peace and love in this coming days,.....alena

I'm very grateful for all the support. I came here when I was burdenned and I know that when I feel sad about her loss and angry about loosing her at such a young age, I can read all of your stories and feel that I am not alone. I recently found out with my mother that my grandfather whom I had never met had also died of lung cancer at the age of 43. I hope to continue being part of this community in their memories to offer support to others who might need it. thanks ,thanks, thanks much love and peace to eveyone, alena

On tuesday september 20, 2005 at 1:45 pm elizabeth entered the spiritual realm. She had been at the hospital due to hurricane rita. Her health had been declining since Friday. We had a 24/7 watch on her. She never lost consciousness, which made it difficult for she kept telling me she was afraid. Of what I would ask but she would not say. When I arrived at the hospital I saw her worsenned condition. I could feel her spirit trapped inside her body. I picked up the cellular phone and called my sister. I asked her to read Psalm 23 slowly and softly. I held the phone to Beth's ear while I held her hands standing close to her. She satrted breathing faster, I kept telling her that the angels where there to take her home. As my sister finished the sinners prayer, beth exhaled, I felt her spirit release peacefully from her body, her eyes closed. I came to the LCSC forum a coupleof months ago asking for help, I felt a bit burdenned about taking care of her. It was a difficult battle. Now I must go back to my routines . I hope I can come back ehre for help, I feel I might need it. I wrote the following forher obituary: elizabeth maluf 3/20/1956 - 9/20/2005 The universe has gained a shining, bright star with your arrival to heaven. You lived with grace and courage until your very last breath And though we will miss your charm, sweet disposition and golden smile Our hearts are at peace knowing You are now dancing with the angels Your soul is free to grace the heavens And you will live in our hearts and beautiful memories always for Love is stronger than death Goodnight, sweet dreams....

about options. She refused the hospice care because they told her if she accepted it now she would have to give up her vitamins shots and would no longer be able to visit her oncologist, who's become her pcp... I can't ask her too many questions because she becomes upset. so, since I dont have access to her doctor right now I am seeking info otherwise.. I had asked her if there was a possibility of requesting a hospt. type bed for her since she has difficulty laying down and she starts to cry or react in an angry way.so I am up in the air as to how to handle this..I am not a doctor nor a nurse simply a friend albeit a very close one and I have way too many medical limitations...I really do not know what to do and Iam in over my head... I dont see a way of explaining to her or getting her to understand that we need help... it is difficult when to begin with she doesn't accept her most recent dx (2months left)

metastasis from lung cancer... my friend is in the last stages of the disease and I would like to know more about the progression. She started 4 yrs ago with lung cancer was operated but six months later cancer metastasized to liver, bone , breast and spleen etc..etc.. now she was given two months to live..she is retaining alot of liquid, and she is in pain..morphine patch 50mg every 3 days...i have tried to look for info on the progression of this disease (liver )but they keep suggesting to seek info on lung cancer net does anyone know anything about this

we did try hospice care but they said she was not quite there and as friends we have tried talk to her about finding a nurse to come and help. In truth I put myself in her place and I know all I would want would be for family or friends to be there. not a nurse I did not know. I am looking into finding some help or nurse aid...I think being able to come here and post without being judged has help me take this load off my chest... I can not talk to her because she is very sensitive, I'm sure the morphine doesnt help much in dealing with emotions... I feel good enough for today and today is all we have the now...I sneaked out to feed my dogs...reading your post has given me a new clean slate .I do not want to be angry with her it is not her fault nor mine it is just a life lesson we need to solve, resolve and accept. Life is very precious and health is a luxury we must embrace...warm thoughts and hugs to all...I must go now and will return when I can thanks.

me or at least listen to what i am feeling...I need to go up now to help her take a bath and have dinner but I will return as often as I can..thanks

ill .. she has stage four cancer...it started as lung carcinoid and soon metastasized all over her body specially her liver and spleen..... We are very close friends, close enough to depend on each other but I do not feel strong enough to provide the support she needs. I stay with her at her home at nights, we live in the same building, but a part of me feels I have lost my privacy without consent...we had been apart for a couple of years and re started our friendship when she became ill...her family is out of the country they live in so. america ..and the care has been left to myself and another childhood friend. I cover during the week and the other friend during weekends...the problem is that often the weekend friend bails out and I feel I am "STUCK" with what has become for me a problem.. I love her with all my heart but I am not strong enough to carry this load and I feel I am being pushed to do so....I can not talk to her about it because she starts to cry understandably so...so I am stuck swallowing the problem...I don't know what to do...I dont know how long she has left...I dont know what I will do if she passes away under my care and Ir really think I need help....