Nell

Actually, I had never been a member before today. I visited this site every day over the past year, and it kept me from feeling alone and in despair with what this disease did to my life. It was a tough winter. That's why I feel like an "old timer," but I'm really a newcomer. How am I doing? Yesterday, I visited "Just for Laughs" for the first time. That tells me I'm making real progress. I thought I would never laugh again. I went through the denial, shock, anger, guilt, tears, and despair, and I think I am finally coming to resignation and acceptance. And, my first grandchild was born in February. That has brought joy back to my life.

My husband, Michael (age 60) passed away August, 2004 of LC (adenocarcinoma Stage IV). He was diagnosed in July, 2004. He cleverly hid that he was ill until it was too late. He had horrible headaches and thought he needed glasses. After he was diagnosed the U of C oncs quicly gave him WBR. We were just preparing for chemo when he collapsed and never recovered. It was so fast neither one of us could get past denial until it was over. My family and friends have all been loving and supportive, but this board got me through the darkest hours. This is because only you know what we truly went through. I did not want to post before because I thought our story was too discouraging, and also, I was not ready. But I'm here now to do what I can to support you as you have supported me.