rvillella

AWESOME

Thank You all for the replies. I know deep down that I am normal but sometimes I just wonder if I'm losing my mind. Of Course that assumes I have one to begin with. As for the Steroids I have been off them for a couple of months now and everytime they ask me if I need to be back on them I tell them no. I gained close to 25 pounds in less than 3 months putting me back at my pre-cancer weight. The extra stress it put on my heart and lung didn't help. I have extreme bouts of Chemo Brain which I am hoping will go away. It just seems to me that when I start feeling better, or am getting back to where I can function close to normal for me something else happens to knock me back on my a**. I know it's part of the process but I guess I'm just getting tired of it now. Ralph

I've noticed that lately I have been really going through an emotional roller coaster. It seems that I can't keep them under control. My wife has noticed it also. The kicker was when I came to work one morning last month and almost lost it. I had this urge to just kick the living s*&t out of everyone in the office. Called the wife and she talked me out of it. But things like this scare me. I've always been pretty laid back and it takes alot to set me off. Now it seems anything can do it. Since the surgery and the tx's I just have this feeling that "Is this it?". Sometimes I wonder if I really went through all this when I see what some of you all have gone through. I know that when I get close to the time to see the ONC or the Surgeons I get really nervous. But I just don't understand the emotions. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I am currently trying to decide on whether or not to see a counselor. Ralph

I had concurrent radiation and chemo the big difference for me was the surgery was first. I know once I started feeling strong enough from the surgery they started the daily radiation treatments and the once a week chemo. My Onc kept the chemo low during the radiation and then I had 2 larger doses 3 weeks apart three weeks after my last radiation and chemo treatment. I found I was mostly tired from the radiation and the chemo. I went back to work when they released me from the surgical side and I put in up to 30 hours per week. It can be done as long as you don't overdo it. I'll keep you in my prayers. Ralph

I completely missed this one. I may be one of the baby survivors since it hasn't been a year since I finished my tx. But I am still NED and will remain that way. Ralph

Went to the ONC on Thursday. Sorry I haven't posted as quickly as I should. The wife and I were just happy that I'm still NED. I'll see the surgeon on Monday and then it's another 3 month wait. Ralph

I've been back to this post so many times now I believe I know most of the replies by heart. Mine now is fear. Fear that it will come back, fear that I'll never be off the oxygen, fear that the next bout of pneumonia will do me in. Fear that the next pain is the one that will mean it's back. All the other emotions have come and gone various times since this started but Fear is still the biggest one following me.

Debbie; I have a little experience with the UNM CRTC. They are the ones who did my radiation treatments. Everyone in the radiation department is great and helpful especially the Docs. I believe you will find that most of the people there are going to try and help you as much as they can. I am a VA patient so I didn't have to pay for any of the treatments but I have seen quite a few of the UNM Doc's because they also work out at the VA. I'm sorry you had to find this site but I'll tell you these are some of the greatest people you'll ever want to talk to. Between the knowledge and the compassion I have found a lot of comfort here and lots of inspiration. Ralph

Perfect timing. I love it when things work. Enjoy Texas. Lucie is one of my inspirations. Ralph

Sorry you had to find this site. I was not a stage IV but was a candidate for surgery. Also a little older than you. I had my right lung removed. If you have any questions or concerns feel free to ask me. I too am living with a new normal.

Here's something I ran across in the news that I thought was really the way we all feel. No one knows when we are going to go, and especially the Docs we see. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/12520033/

I believe it comes with the territory. I haven't had any treatments since December and I still get extremely tired some days. I get short of breath when I get tired and have to rely on the oxygen to move around. I would love nothing better than to just lay around the house and vegitate but my wife and the docs tell me to get up and move so I can build up my stamina. So I just resign myself to the fact that I need to use the oxygen and get a little depressed because I feel this way. I'm still in denial when it comes to my stamina and believe that I should be alot farther along then I am. But I will get to where I can do what I want (within reason I guess), it'll just take a little longer. Prayers for your mom, and thanks to you for being there for her. I don't think I would have made it without my wife.

I know exactly how you feel. I struggle each day with the urge to light up. My wife still smokes, but makes sure I don't get the second hand stuff, but still I have the urge. I think everyday that what difference does it make not smoking? I already lost one lung to cancer and I don't really know if it is still there or not. After all the treatments, the pain and everything else I still get that urge. So you just keep on fighting it any way you can. You've quit before you can do it again. We're here to help.

Glad to hear the news about the MRI. I also have a problem now with memory, some unstable moments, not so much numbness as it feels like my feet are always freezing. All of this I attribute to the chemo (Carbo/Taxol). It is getting a little better 4 months after all the treatments, but still unnerving. I had trouble with drinking water also, I could only drink Slushes for the longest time, then it was milkshakes and smoothies. Still got dehydrated a couple of times but that got taken care of with IV's. You'll find a mixture that he will like. I couldn't drink coffee as much as I normally did because it tasted funny, but tea's became my friend. Ralph

I had my lung removed in August of 05 and was on oxygen most of the time till around December. I can function lightly (no long walks, stairs, or heavy lifting) without oxygen. I still use it at night when I sleep, and when I need to do anything strenuous. I thought I was doing really well until I had a small bout with pneumonia last week and am back on oxygen when I walk to far or try to do to much. Tell your mom that it gets better. ralph

Went and had a PET scan and CAT scan on Wednesday. ONC Doc must have known I would be worried because she called that same afternoon and told me the scans were clear. The only problem now is a bout with pneumonia. Put me out of the game for 4 days and back on supplemental oxygen. But none of that really matters now that they don't see anything on the scans. Thank you all for your support and encouragement. Ralph

Got a shock on Thursday, I was taking the dogs out to the car to take them to the vet and I started coughing and got really short of breath. I usually just sit down for a few minutes and take in a little oxygen from the bottle or home system and I can usually stop coughing and breathe easier. I thought I had it under control so I went back to the car to drive the dogs to the vet. By the time I sat down in the car I was coughing and couldn’t breathe again. I got the dogs out of the car, put them in the backyard and went back to the oxygen and tried to calm down. Got myself calmed down, and said to myself I need to go to the hospital and see why I can’t breathe. Got to the VA and they immediately put me on the EKG and in a room because my heart rate was 168. They also saw what they said was tachycardia in the rhythm. They ended up giving me a shot of adenosine which slowed down my heart and brought my blood pressure down. They called in the cardiologist to look over all my EKG’s. Seems I have a condition where my heart sometimes will go into overdrive, which in turn causes me to be short of breath, and makes me cough. The coughing in turn makes me short of breath. They are currently going to wait and see if it happens again before they decide to do anything. The reason is they have to do invasive surgery to get rid of the circuit that causes the overdrive. The other thing they can do is give me medication to regulate my heart and blood pressure. The problem with the medicine is that it is a Beta Blocker and they conflict with a lot of other medications. I’m thinking that the recent weight game (25 pounds in a month and a half) is the cause of this. I haven’t been able to get out and exercise because the weather has been so cold which makes me short of breath. That along with the steroids is causing me a lot of problems. So now I wait until the 10th of April when I can see not only the surgeon and the oncologist but now they are going to have pulmonary there to see if I can get into a cardiac/pulmonary exercise program. But overall the x-rays and the contrasting CT haven’t shown anything they need to be worried about yet. So the 5th of April’s PET scan may be just as good.

Glad to see you back. Hope the pain issue is resolved quickly. Prayers for a speedy recovery. Ralph

I developed a cough around the end of December first part of January that seemed to linger. I saw my surgeon 9 jan and he prescribed an antibiotic to clear it up because he heard some crackling in the lung. After completing the antibiotic the cough was still the same so I contacted my Chemo Onc and she along with the radiation Onc put me on steroids. They seemed to work but with the usual side effects. ( Read I become an A**, and get really angry fast). Now the ONC is reducing the amount of steroids I take weekly but the problem now becomes I seem to get a lot of SOB when I do things I was doing before the Steriods. I can't push the spirometer up to the levels I was before the cough and the steroids now. When I do exert myself I have to take 15 to 20 minutes to regain my breathing. I was just wondering if any of you other one lungers have had this problem. And if so what can I do to get my stamina back up? Ralph

My surgeon did a contrast x-ray after my radiation and chemo were done (DEC 05). But it had only been a couple of weeks. My Chemo ONC said that she wouldn't use the contrasting x-ray and that she would order a PET later which is now the first part of April. I remember my Radiation ONC saying that the chemo and radiation continue to work for months after you have finished and that taking x-rays or cat or pet scans weren't as useful as waiting a few months to see the results. Not sure if this helps, but prayers for your FIL. Ralph

Sorry I haven't weighed in sooner but I am going through much of the same thing right now. Although I am not sure of what my status is right now, I believe they got it all. My problem seems to be that I keep asking what now? Before the cancer, the removal of the lung, the radiation and chemo, I could get up in the morning, get ready for work, kiss my wife goodbye, and go on with my day. Now it seems that it's not enough. There should be more, something I should be doing, but I'm not. Like your husband I have a little bug about psychologists and the like. But I've seen them before, just didn't seem to help me like I thought they should. I'm not a pill man either so it's hard for me to continue to take all the pills I have to. But most of all I have this feeling of being lost and don't know how to get home. Don't know if this helps, but I know you are just like my wife and will be there for Mike when he comes back around. Prayers for you and your family. Ralph

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. Seems like everything is running together these days. I just don't seem to have all the stamina I need to get everything done. I completed all my treatments and had a Contrasting CAT scan done on the 29th of December. Saw the Surgeon on the 9th of January and he said everything looks good. Not sure if he meant NED or something else. I think it's to early for them to tell anything because what was left was microscopic. I still hold out hope that it's gone. I've developed the same cough as I had when this first started. The Surgeon put me on antibiotics but they didn't work so the medical ONC put me on steroids for Radiation Pneumonitis. I guess I'm just scared that it's starting all over again. At least with the steroids I'm eating a lot more and gaining weight. Just wish my Chemo Brain would start functioning right again. Hard to remember some things and then I just space out sometimes. Still get SOB when I over extend myself. Guess it takes a while to get where you can breath freely again. Doesn't help with the coughing all the time though. Thanks for all the support during this. You've all been a godsend.

Got the first of two large doses of Carbo/Taxol today. Don't know what it is going to do to me yet so I guess I'll have to wait and see. Had someone steal my ATM Card number and use it to gamble online. Took five days to get the bank to give the money back to me. Just don't know what's going to happen next. After the fire, cancer, atm card stolen, what else can go wrong? I really don't feel bad about any of it though. It has taught me that life can be very short so I need to make the most of what I am given. Take each day, one day at a time, and if it is a good day rejoice that it is good, if it is a not so good day I rejoice that I'm alive and have my family. Prayers to all of you. You are always and inspiration and help to me. Thanks for all the help. Ralph

As I said in an earlier post I am done with the radiation and only two more Chemo treatments. But here's the funny part. Since I have been off the treatments I've lost more weight. I've lost a total of 40 Pounds since this all started. Look like a scarecrow, or my avatar. That's not all. Last Tuesday 8 Nov, the wife and I were having a quiet night at home, watching a movie and had just ordered some pizza for her (I still can't eat it), when a neighbor knocked on the door and said there were flames coming out of the chimney. Next, another neighbor, a firefighter comes over and says that there is way to much smoke and fire coming out of the chimney. Needless to say, the chimney was on fire and it had gotten into the walls of the house. The fire department responded and got the fire out before it did to much damage. The bad part is though the house was uninhabitable though because of damage to the wiring and stuff. So now we think we are homeless and all our stuff is messed up. The landlord found us another place the next day, the red cross gave us a hotel for three days plus meals, and then we have to move all our stuff down the street to the new place and try and get the smoke smell out of everything. So the question is WHAT NEXT? Never let it get you down because there is always someone worse off out there than you. Ralph

Hi all, Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been able to read the boards only sporadicly and have been really slow on everything else I am supposed to do. I finished the radiation treatments on the 2nd of November. It's funny not having to go to the cancer center everyday now. I finished the rounds of Chemo that coincide with the radiation. Not to many side effects from either, but still some that are lingering. I've come up with a new one, it feels like acid reflux but it's not just stomach acid, it's air too. Makes it hard to eat or drink anything. I've had to have fluids once already. Doc's giving me a heavy duty acid pill so maybe this too shall pass. I take the next dose of Chemo on the 30th, that is if I have enough weight and my counts are all good. Between work and the fatigue things just don't get done as fast now days. You are all in my prayers and I'll try to be a little better with the posts. Ralph