kamataca

Four D's--never thought of it like that. Every first hurts. We're here to walk the path with you. Gentle hugs from OK. Kelly

I really don't know. I just found out recently that after my dad died, Mom would drop us off at school and most days go over to her friend's house for coffee and a cry if need be. I never knew. I did know that Mom was so blessed to have such good friends. Does you dad have anyone he can hang out with? Kelly

This thread strikes a note with me. I have not been able to dream about my mother, and it makes me very sad. After my father's death, I went YEARS without having a dream about him. The first one I had shocked me so much it woke me up. My kids, especially my son, have had very vivid dreams about Mom. Chris told me he saw Mom in his dream, and he told her he loved her, and she said she loved him too. He asked why she had to go, and she said it was just her time. He asked if she could take him to see where she was now, and "She plucked at the front of my shirt, to try and take my soul with her to heaven. When I got there I saw a bright light, but because I was still human I had to go back and I couldn't see any more." I thought that was so cool. Taylor had a dream with Mom that started much the same ("I love you...why did you have to go?") and then Mom told her, "Well, I have to go see Chris in his dreams now." I, too, hope for dreams of Mom. Until then, I've told the kids to tell her hello for me when they see her again. Kelly

Oh no...how very sad. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. We're here when you need us. Kelly

Such sad news. Your mom battled the beast for two years? She must have been an amazingly strong woman. You and your family are in my prayers. Kelly

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your boyfriend. I am very impressed with you--finding a group to go to and all. Take good care of yourself, and keep us posted! Kelly

Wow, wow, wow, and WOW! I am so amazed by your epiphany. I don't know why we sometimes have to sink so low before we rebound, but I am so happy you have. It gives me hope. I'm still at the 'trying to make myself have a good cry' stage. The tears well up in my eyes, but I stop before they fall. At any rate, I think you are so brave to have shared this with us. You are giving people hope, and I wish you all the best as you continue this journey. Your mom sounds like the most amazing woman. No wonder she left such a hole in your life. Kudos for you for trying to live your life in a way that honors hers. Kelly

I was just so sorry to read this. I can't imagine what you are feeling right now. Please take good care of yourself, and lean on us when you need to. We are here for you. Kelly

I know that this is such a difficult time for you, and I'm just so sorry you are going through this right now. you will always have those very special memories of your very special father. They will be a blessing to you. I'll be praying for peace and strength for you and your family. Kelly

Can't think of anything new to add, but I am just so happy for you guys. My stingy brother won't tell anyone what they are having (mostly because they refuse to find out), but my daughter is really pulling for a girl. Yea for you guys! Kelly

I'm not surprised by that at all. She is certainly still there with you--and still cracking you up. I'm really glad you shared that with us! Kelly

Such beautiful words....what an amazing man your dad is, and what an enduring legacy he will leave. Our hospice nurse encouraged us NOT to leave the room to let Mom 'rest' when she appeared unconscious, but to bring all the story-telling, visiting, etc. into the room with her. I'm glad we did that. I am praying for peace and strength for you and your family. We're here for you. Kelly

Wow. You are such an inspiration. You write so vividly of your trip, that I felt like I was there. Bill was so articluate in his posts as well--I'm just imagining the conversations you two must have enjoyed together, and how very difficult it is to have that silenced. Take your time until you are ready for this last one. You are most likely right--the first two were for others, and this one is for you two. I don't know how one can ever be ready for that, but you will know when the time is right. Glad to have you back...I missed your 'voice'. Kelly

I'm just in awe of the strength in your post. What a gift you are for your MIL. I'll be praying for peace and strength for you guys. Lots of love coming out of Oklahoma. Kelly

I just got back, too. I am so sorry to see this. What a whammy for you guys. Prayers are being sent from OK. Take good care of each other. Kelly

I've just returned and am so sorry to hear qabout your dad. I have loved getting to know him through your voice. What an amazing man. It was so easy to hear your love through your words. You have my support and prayers. I wish I could do more. Kelly

What a tragedy. Any time this @#$%@ disease takes someone, it is a crime against nature. To take someone who was willing to risk his life for others...it just isn't right. Kelly

Very, very cool. This made me smile. Yes, of course it was your mom, winking away at you. What a blessing. Kelly

I love how special you made all of those birthday you were able to share together. Today I'll celebrate Keith's life with you. Knowing only the fraction of him that I do, he seems so worthy of the celebration. Kelly

There is supposed to be a new show called Tin Man that we are all excited about here. We are Wizard of Oz / Wicked geeks, though. Kelly

...they'd know better. Now mind you, I know I am over-sensative right now. I understand that. Hell, that is half the reason I went to this group. I'm sure this woman didn't mean to tick me off, but she sure shut me down. There is a woman in our group dealing with the terrible pain, laced with guilt, over her daughter's apparent accidental overdose by prescription pain-killers. I feel for her---I can't even imagine what that is like. Last time, one of the women in our group said to her she couldn't imagine how hard it was for her--"I mean, we are supposed to lose our parents, that is a natural part of life, but to lose a child..." As the only person in the room grieving a parent, who had just spoken at length about my feelings, I felt dismissed. Surely this wasn't the woman's intention, but I certainly didn't feel like I could share any more that night. I can't begin to know the pain of losing a child, or a spouse. I can't imagine such a reality. I don't think we measure our grief experiences against each other. It isn't a contest--there surely is no winner. I would never imagine that my grief is more valid than someone else's, but it is very real to me...and my children. Really I'm just missing mom (and my husband, who is gone for a month)...I was hoping for some support. Maybe she was "just" a parent, but she was the only one I had. It can be really lonely without that person who loved you unconditionally....who you could tell everything to. I miss that. Looking over this, I hope that I'm not offending anyone. It's just what is in my head tonight. Kelly

Very cool. Your description was so well-written, I felt like I had walked through the day with you. Your strength amazes me. I LOVE your last line. I, too, loved a mom who drove me insane. What a gift they were in our lives. Kelly

It's just not right, Rochelle. I know that a fair is nothing but a carnival, and all of that, but it should be your turn to catch a break. I will pray for your grandfather. Kelly

I just read online. I got sick of newspapers piling up here, then having the drive off and recycle them. Online isn't as satisfying as reading a 'real' paper, but it isn't as messy, either. Kelly

First of all, let me say that you are doing an amazing job. Just being able to hold your composure during that episode and try to help him with everything you had going on--you are doing great. You can't have all the answers. You just have all the love and support. That is really your job. It is so frustrating to watch someone we love make decisions that we may not agree with. Sometimes with my mom, I think that was the only power she had over her out-of-control life. So we let her make her decisions, and supported her however we could. I cried in the shower a lot during those times. I am really sorry that you went through such a scare. You are doing a wonderful job of being a supportive, and vital, person in his life, and he needs that. Take care of yourself. Come here and vent/rant/cry when you need to. You lift him up, and we will lift you up. I'm heading upstairs to pray for you two now. I hope you get some peace tonight. Kelly