I'm glad you were able to get that all out. Sometimes just getting it all in writing makes me feel better. I'm a BIG believer in venting!
As far as, "Does it ever get better?"...I think it does. I pray it does. My loss of my Mom still feels so fresh though it has been 9 months. I don't have any perspective on that, yet. My father died 30 years ago next month. I've obviously lived a life-time in those decades, and there isn't the chasm inside of me from his loss that I experienced for years. I still feel sadness from time-to-time because of what I lost, but it is certainly managable.
I think we need to be patient with ourselves and our grief. When I feel like it will never be better, I think of where I was 6 months ago. I've certainly made 'progress' since then--if that is the word. I'm happier more frequently.
Here is the proof to me: yesterday my daughter had the game of her life in basketball. I was so excited, and my first thought was that I couldn't wait to tell Mom. Usually when my head goes there, I am washed away with fresh grief. Yesterday I actually smiled at that moment instead, with the realization that Mom already knew.
It may not seem like much to others, but it was a huge victory to me. Celebrate those 'little' victories, and be good to yourself!
Kelly