Darci

Jodi, I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I am hoping that others here will have more information for you. I would consider getting a second opinion, but it is up to your dad what course of treatment he wants to follow. The best you can do for him is to give him as much encouragement and help as you can. Good luck, keep us posted!

This must be so hard on you...and from some of the posts it sounds like your fathers wife may be trying to make it that way. I do know that as people age it is hard for them to have additional people in their home - they have their routines, and set schedules, and it is uncomfortable for that to be disrupted. Add an illness to that, and the fact that there are children involved, and it can be very hard. With my in-laws, we find that they do very well with the couple hour visits, but if we tried to stay with them for a whole weekend it would be overwhelming. We are lucky that my sister and parents live close, so we can stay with them. I am not sure if this is financially feasable for you, but could you go to visit but stay in a hotel, or with other family or friends? Then you could visit with your dad, but not have it be too overwhelming for them. You could go for a few hours, and then leave, and come back the next day after they have had a break.

I don't have any information - just wanted to say that I hope that this trial works for your dad!

Great news! I hope that things continue to go well for your dad.

I am so sorry for your loss. Hopefully, with time you will be able to think of her and remember all the good times.

I am so glad you have found this board for help and support, the people here are wonderful. I have found that many people don't get it - or they are just scared to hear about cancer stories. It makes it to real, and they don't want to think of themselves or their loved ones being sick, so they don't know how to or can't comfort someone who is going through this. Lean on us here. Everyone understands.

Lori, I am so sorry. Your love for your mom as she has fought this battle has touched my heart. One of the reasons I come here everyday is to see how you are doing. Hold your memories of better times tightly in your heart. You have done your best to help your mom through this, and you will always have that in your heart. Sending big hugs your way.

I am so sorry that your mom got this news. I don't have any advise for you, can only offer my thoughts and prayers for you and your family.

Lori, I am so sorry your mom is in such pain, I am hoping that the drs can find a way to make that better for her. You are such a terrific daughter, you have helped your mom through so much, and your love for her comes through with each post. Too bad it is so hard to deal with your SF.

Bill, I have nothing more to add, other than my best wishes to you! And please don't apologize for posting when you need help or support..that is what everyone is here for.

Terrific news! Please keep it coming!

Thanks for your responses!! Actually, one of my biggest concerns is that something is going on physically, and he can feel it, and that that is causing him to react the way he is. Either consciously, or subconsciously. I did let my MIL know that no matter how much we don't even want to entertain the possibility that the cancer could come back, that his dr. needs to know of any changes in his condition - physical or otherwise. That we are better off knowing one way or another!! To the best of my knowledge, my FIL has never had a brain scan...but he doesn't seem to be having any of the symptoms that seem to accompany brain mets...that he has told us anyway!! I just would like him to be able to enjoy whatever time he has left in his life. It pains me to see him angry and upset all the time, and seeing that it is starting to keep people away from him only makes it worse on he and my mother in law.

So glad to hear that everything went well with the surgery. I am hoping that she recovers quickly!

Hi everyone, first a little update on my FIL. Physically, he is doing very well. He looks great, seems to have pretty much recovered from surgery, chemo and radiation. His scans have all been clear thus far - he finished radiation in March or April. However, I am very concerned about his emotional status. He has always had kind of a bad temper, and can be a negative person to be around. These things seem to be greatly intensified these days. His last two visits to my brother in laws house were not good at all - he was just mean and ornery and grumpy. A couple weeks ago, we had him and my MIL come to our house, and we (me, my dh, my bil) took my FIL to see his beloved Cubs play the Brewers. It should have been such a great night for him - he is a sports nut, doesn't get to see the Cubs live very much (and they won!!), he was with his two sons - but the trip there was almost unbearable. He was upset about everything from traffic, to young drivers to the minimum wage rate. I was able to talk to my MIL a little bit, and when I asked how she thought he was doing she said that she thought he was "different". Like he doesn't enjoy the things that he has always enjoyed so much. I also know that he yells at her a lot for little things that get him upset. We talked about how he is going to be different, because of everything he has been through, and that he needs to find a new normal life, post cancer diagnosis. I talked with her about depression, and how common it can be for someone who has faced a major illness like cancer. We talked about talking to the doctor about it, but I am afraid if she tells the doctor in front of him that she thinks he is depressed, he will be angry and feel betrayed by her. I said that maybe she could just mention to the doctor that he seems different, and doesn't enjoy things like he used to, and see where the doctor takes it. I feel so bad for them - I feel like he has a new lease on life, because had they not done the routine chest xray last June and found the original tumor, he would be in a much different situation than he is right now. Last February he told me he just wanted to do what he has always been able to do - when I asked him what that was, he said mowing his grass and golfing - well, he is doing that. He is 82 years old, he takes care of his own grass, he golfs a couple times a week...but now he just doensn't enjoy it. It is getting to the point where family doesn't want to visit...and they don't need their family staying away now. Any thoughts? How do you tell someone that you think that they would benefit from anti-depressants?

I am so sorry. I will be praying for you, your dad and your whole family.

Good luck Theresa.

Missy, your mom sounds like a wonderful woman. Cherish whatever time you have left on this earth with her, and don't feel like you can't come here unless you have happy news...we are here for you in good times and difficult times.

Lori, I am so sorry for all you are going through! You are one of the reasons I still come here everyday...things are on an even keel with my FIL, but I just have to see how everyone is doing. You can make it through this...you have such a strong support network here, you just hang onto that string for dear life! Here's hoping that they find a treatment plan for your son.

Sounds to me like you are doing great!! Attitude is so important in this fight, but sometimes you just need to have a down day..let yourself and don't feel bad, just start the next day with a new resolve to fight! As my FIL's oncologist told him - it is very important to have a good attitude and to want to fight, but the chemo meds will do what they need to do whether you are having a positive day, or a down day!!

Lori, I am so sorry that you and your son are having to go through this. I feel like I can handle a lot in life, but the minute I think of one of my kiddos being sick I just become a puddle. I am coming in on this message late - so I am guessing that by now you have had your much deserved pity party, now it is time to pull up your bootstraps (or big girl panties!!) and take this thing one day at a time. I don't know much about this condition, but I do know that the medical profession is making strides on a daily, even hourly, basis to help people with medical conditions. I am sure that they know much more about the condition now than they did when your father was first diagnosed - hopefully there are ways to manage it, delay the onset, etc. You have to hold out hope that that is the case. I think that it is great that they are doing such extensive testing now...it is important to know what you are dealing with, even if hearing it is the most difficult thing to hear.

I am glad to hear that things are going a little better, and that they seem to be able to manage his pain somewhat - I remember my FIL's oncologist saying "you don't get extra credit for being in pain", and I reminded my FIL of that on many occasions as he didn't want to be taking pain meds all the time. I hope that he continues to feel better. Take care of yourself.

Debbie, I am so sorry for everything you and your husband are going through. I don't have any good advice for you regarding the hearing loss, I can't imagine how hard it is to lose your hearing. I hope that you can get much needed support and information here!

Don't have anything new to add...just wanted to send you hugs and good luck wishes. It must be scary for her to be alone and at a hotel feeling like this. I hope that she has already gone to the ER and everything is ok.

My FIL's original tumor was seen on a routine xray on June 3rd - he did not have surgery till Sept 9. It seemed like each test or xray was 3-4 weeks from the last one - in my opinion, they let way too much time lapse, and I think it allowed things to progress to a worse state by the time he had surgery. I wish that we would have pushed for answers sooner - maybe it wouldn't change things - who knows! Dont be afraid to ask questions and demand answers!! The folks here will have many more suggestions for you!

Lori, I am so sorry for your mom. Hopefully the doctors will have a plan for dealing with the met, and that that will boost your moms spirits. Good luck, we are praying!