mirrell

don, i am so sorry. may you have the strength to get through these next few months, sending you lots of love an support.

that was a powerful story. i am so sorry.

hey all, sorry i have been absent the last few months. my mom came to korea, and then we travelled to china. it was great. we went with one my running partners as well, heatheranne. we got back and i started school and i was full throttle into my training for my second marathon. i did that 6 days a go. ran 26.2 in 4 hours and 17 minutes. somehow, running just helps me get my head in the right space. i also have been studying and am almost complete with my masters. man, if only my dad was around. i wonder what he would be thinking and saying. sometimes, it is so hard to believe he is gone, and it has been almost 4 years. i have pictures of him up all around my house. and although he is gone, i do still everything i do to impress him. i believe that the body leaves this world and that the soul remains. sometimes, i think that soul came back in my 3 year old beagle who i adore and reminds me of my dad because of his character. i know what u are thinking...what???? sorry my friends, i have been awol for a little while. i was away, but you were not forgotten. also, i think we had lost a few people at the time i took a rest from this board, and it was incredibly hard to hear about. mirrell

do a search about streptokinase, and go from there. this has been proven to work with pleural effusions.

i recently just thanked my mom for taking care of my dad so well during his illness. my mother tearfully replied "it was MY privilege". i totally understood her. you know, when two people make that vow, til death do us part, somehow, i understand how the priviledge calls in to play. of course, your dad needs help and support, but also, it is time together. and it is a time to show support for the other person who you have dedicated your life to.

i am sorry to hear about your loss. your story is also quite amazing. your mom isn't suffereing anymore, which is something to be thankful for. and i totally believe that the body dies but the soul rmains. mirrell

hey everyne, i haven't posted in awhile, sorry. it has been about 4 and a half years since my dad died. i still remember it with excruciating pain. thesed ays, i have been concentrating one my running. it is going well. i just read that poem from heaven and i thought maybe it was my dad sending that breeze on my hot, long run. my mom is coming to visit me this sunday. she will be here, in seoul, for a week and then we will go to china. for the first time in a long time, i am looking forward to this time. since my dad has died, i see my mom once a year, more this year. it has been our agreement. she meets me once a year, i meet her. although this year, i had a wedding to go to, and my mom met me. since my dad died, understandable, my mom has beena bit more needy with me. at first, this annoyed me. but now, i am excited, to have family here and spend time with her. 4.5 years, and maybe now, my mom and i can go back to our relationship as it was. well, let's face it that will nev er happen. but, it is nice to know that my life will not always be focused around this empty feeling.

jan, my dad also had cancer that caused him shoulder pain. after my dad went on oxygen, it was about 3 months. i am thinking of you. remember everyone is different. he does not have to feel the suffocation. your doctors will take care of that. lots of love, mirrell

pam, i admire you. i am thinking of you and praying that you can keep up your awesome attitude. you are not alone. mirrell

hey berisa, i loved that. yes, getting through it by remembering is painful, very painful, at first, but then it becomes a warm hug you look forward to. a hug for you. mirrell

cheers friends

Did I disappoint you or let you down? Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown? 'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun, Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won. So I took what's mine by eternal right. Took your soul out into the night. It may be over but it won't stop there, I am here for you if you'd only care. You touched my heart you touched my soul. You changed my life and all my goals. And love is blind and that I knew when, My heart was blinded by you. I've kissed your lips and held your head. Shared your dreams and shared your bed. I know you well, I know your smell. I've been addicted to you. Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me. I am a dreamer but when I wake, You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take. And as you move on, remember me, Remember us and all we used to be I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile. I've watched you sleeping for a while. I'd be the father of your child. I'd spend a lifetime with you. I know your fears and you know mine. We've had our doubts but now we're fine, And I love you, I swear that's true. I cannot live without you. Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me. And I still hold your hand in mine. In mine when I'm asleep. And I will bear my soul in time, When I'm kneeling at your feet. Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me. I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow. I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

by the way, i just ran a marathon. i ran it in 4 and one half hours. and no, it wasn't for cancer, but in my mind it was. before, i thought about a song that would bring me good luck. just before i started running, the gambler came on. this was totally one of my dad's song. then after my song came one, as i started running, and i thought, could this be any more perfect. my dad reaching out to me, and then the goodluck song. happy days. my marathon was march 12, my next, in november. mirrell

i know it sounds kind of weird and this song is much more suited towards my mothers feelings toward my dad, but still, each time i hear it, i think of her and my dad. the song is by james blunt, and i encourage you to download it. the song is called "goodbye my lover". although it is about a breakup, it could be another scenario. mirrell

melanie, i am sorry for your loss. loss is never easy. and there is no right way or wrong way to grieve. they say time heals all wounds. this isn't true. the fact is, as time goes on, it just gets easier. it gets easier to laugh, to cry, to begin a new normal. please, take it easy on yourself. we all are here for you when you want to vent. i am thinking of you. it is going to be hard. but it won't always be this hard. mirrell