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Everything posted by mirrell

  1. mirrell

    Lucie Fly Wood

    don, i am so sorry. may you have the strength to get through these next few months, sending you lots of love an support.
  2. mirrell

    i've been away

    hey all, sorry i have been absent the last few months. my mom came to korea, and then we travelled to china. it was great. we went with one my running partners as well, heatheranne. we got back and i started school and i was full throttle into my training for my second marathon. i did that 6 days a go. ran 26.2 in 4 hours and 17 minutes. somehow, running just helps me get my head in the right space. i also have been studying and am almost complete with my masters. man, if only my dad was around. i wonder what he would be thinking and saying. sometimes, it is so hard to believe he is gone, and it has been almost 4 years. i have pictures of him up all around my house. and although he is gone, i do still everything i do to impress him. i believe that the body leaves this world and that the soul remains. sometimes, i think that soul came back in my 3 year old beagle who i adore and reminds me of my dad because of his character. i know what u are thinking...what???? sorry my friends, i have been awol for a little while. i was away, but you were not forgotten. also, i think we had lost a few people at the time i took a rest from this board, and it was incredibly hard to hear about. mirrell
  3. do a search about streptokinase, and go from there. this has been proven to work with pleural effusions.
  4. i recently just thanked my mom for taking care of my dad so well during his illness. my mother tearfully replied "it was MY privilege". i totally understood her. you know, when two people make that vow, til death do us part, somehow, i understand how the priviledge calls in to play. of course, your dad needs help and support, but also, it is time together. and it is a time to show support for the other person who you have dedicated your life to.
  5. mirrell

    Lost my Mom

    i am sorry to hear about your loss. your story is also quite amazing. your mom isn't suffereing anymore, which is something to be thankful for. and i totally believe that the body dies but the soul rmains. mirrell
  6. mirrell

    midnite toker

    hey everyne, i haven't posted in awhile, sorry. it has been about 4 and a half years since my dad died. i still remember it with excruciating pain. thesed ays, i have been concentrating one my running. it is going well. i just read that poem from heaven and i thought maybe it was my dad sending that breeze on my hot, long run. my mom is coming to visit me this sunday. she will be here, in seoul, for a week and then we will go to china. for the first time in a long time, i am looking forward to this time. since my dad has died, i see my mom once a year, more this year. it has been our agreement. she meets me once a year, i meet her. although this year, i had a wedding to go to, and my mom met me. since my dad died, understandable, my mom has beena bit more needy with me. at first, this annoyed me. but now, i am excited, to have family here and spend time with her. 4.5 years, and maybe now, my mom and i can go back to our relationship as it was. well, let's face it that will nev er happen. but, it is nice to know that my life will not always be focused around this empty feeling.
  7. jan, my dad also had cancer that caused him shoulder pain. after my dad went on oxygen, it was about 3 months. i am thinking of you. remember everyone is different. he does not have to feel the suffocation. your doctors will take care of that. lots of love, mirrell
  8. pam, i admire you. i am thinking of you and praying that you can keep up your awesome attitude. you are not alone. mirrell
  9. mirrell

    2 years ago today

    hey berisa, i loved that. yes, getting through it by remembering is painful, very painful, at first, but then it becomes a warm hug you look forward to. a hug for you. mirrell
  10. mirrell

    the one for me

    Did I disappoint you or let you down? Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown? 'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun, Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won. So I took what's mine by eternal right. Took your soul out into the night. It may be over but it won't stop there, I am here for you if you'd only care. You touched my heart you touched my soul. You changed my life and all my goals. And love is blind and that I knew when, My heart was blinded by you. I've kissed your lips and held your head. Shared your dreams and shared your bed. I know you well, I know your smell. I've been addicted to you. Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me. I am a dreamer but when I wake, You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take. And as you move on, remember me, Remember us and all we used to be I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile. I've watched you sleeping for a while. I'd be the father of your child. I'd spend a lifetime with you. I know your fears and you know mine. We've had our doubts but now we're fine, And I love you, I swear that's true. I cannot live without you. Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me. And I still hold your hand in mine. In mine when I'm asleep. And I will bear my soul in time, When I'm kneeling at your feet. Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me. I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow. I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
  11. by the way, i just ran a marathon. i ran it in 4 and one half hours. and no, it wasn't for cancer, but in my mind it was. before, i thought about a song that would bring me good luck. just before i started running, the gambler came on. this was totally one of my dad's song. then after my song came one, as i started running, and i thought, could this be any more perfect. my dad reaching out to me, and then the goodluck song. happy days. my marathon was march 12, my next, in november. mirrell
  12. mirrell

    the one for me

    i know it sounds kind of weird and this song is much more suited towards my mothers feelings toward my dad, but still, each time i hear it, i think of her and my dad. the song is by james blunt, and i encourage you to download it. the song is called "goodbye my lover". although it is about a breakup, it could be another scenario. mirrell
  13. melanie, i am sorry for your loss. loss is never easy. and there is no right way or wrong way to grieve. they say time heals all wounds. this isn't true. the fact is, as time goes on, it just gets easier. it gets easier to laugh, to cry, to begin a new normal. please, take it easy on yourself. we all are here for you when you want to vent. i am thinking of you. it is going to be hard. but it won't always be this hard. mirrell
  14. mirrell

    The Path

    wow, i really appreciated this poem because when my dad was ill, he never really was able to express what he wanted to say. maybe he didn't want to say anything, as few words are spoken during this trip. thanks deancarl. i am thinking of you and feeling with you all during your journey. mirrell
  15. i am all behind your gameplan. good luck to you. will be thinking and praying for you. mirrell
  16. i do think radiation will lessen her pain. it helped for my dad. as for being supportive, all it takes is listening and empathy. my dad showed me his skin after his radiation treatments. all i did was hug him and tell him how sorry i was that he had to go through that. it seemed to go a long way. i think this is the most difficult part because as a person who loves and cares for this person, you want to see them fight. i know i did. sometimes, it is just about listening, and being there- to give them motivation to eat, to go for a walk, or to just sit beside them for when they wake up and they see you. i feel for you. i had never experienced anything like this before. and it was no doubt so hard on me. but i loved my dad so much, i would have done anything for him, even let him go. mirrell
  17. dear eppie, i am so sorry. sending you lots of love, hugs and positive thoughts. mirrell
  18. hi peggy, 4 years later i still cry at the oddest times. my mom does it more frequently than i. the fact is, there is no other way but just to deal with the emotions. and your brother is right, don deserves to be mourned and remembered. perhaps you can ask someone to dine with you at some of the restaurants to remember and reminisce about don. i think it would be wonderful therapy. because you don't want to deny or forget those memories, you should relish in them. i think next time i see my mom in calgary that i will take her to a restaurant that her and my dad frequented. just for ole times sake. all the best to you. mirrell
  19. sorry katie, i didn't word that well. welcome back and hope your vacation was excellent. mirrell
  20. hi mark, i don't expect it will get easier any time soon. but it will get easier. if you believe that our bodies are here as a loan, and the spirit lives on, then you will take comfort in knowing that she is still around and if you take time to notice the little things, you will hear from her. mirrell
  21. nice to hear from you shelliemacs. it's been awhile.
  22. and creatine kinase are used in the treatment of malignant pleural effusions. a search of these treatments brought to your doctor can help to get the treatment as doctors tend to be not forthcoming with the information. mirrell
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