Inkerdoodler
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Posts posted by Inkerdoodler
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Check out the end of my profile for the first "message" that happened just moments after my husband Jim died. Then, at his wake, we brought all kinds of memorabilia, photos, mementos, etc. My daughter, who was going through chemo for breast cancer, brought a stuffed rabbit we had given her in the hospital that sang John Lennon's song "I Will" when you squeezed her hand. The rabbit sat at the far end of the reception room, and nobody was near it... suddenly for no earthly reason, she began singing "Love you forever, and forever, love you with all my heart... love you whenever we're together, love you when we're apart..." Everyone in the room turned around, looked at the rabbit, then looked at each other and a few hummed that "twilight zone" song! We knew it was Jim's message that his love was still with us! Sandy F.
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Teresa - I'm so sorry for your loss. I know your Dad will be there smiling down on your wedding day. Keep him in your thoughts. My son was married in October, and he gave a beautiful tribute to his StepDad at the reception and everyone said they really felt his presence. They are never really gone... keep watch for special messages that he sends you. I get them all the time... a series of "our songs" back to back on a radio station - just too many to be coincidental... a little "happy face icon" (that was his special symbol on all his greeting cards) that suddenly appears for no earthly reason on my computer. I have started watching John Edwards "Cross Country" and it freaks me out sometimes but I do believe! Sandy F.
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It means so much when, even after a long time has gone by, people remember! I went to the post office and the clerk said "I remember your husband so well... it was my first day working here and he came in with three boxes, carrying them like they were babies... and he told me 'you need to take extra special care of these because they are handmade books that my wife made' -- and he just touched my heart because you could see how important it was to take good care of them."
What touches my heart the most is when people outside our family tell me that they knew how much he loved me and how important I was to him. It makes me know how much of an impression he made on their lives and that they haven't forgotten him! Sandy F.
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Watching a tv episode and falling apart is like an opportunity for therapy. We might not "want to" fall apart, but I think sometimes it gives us permission to just let all those emotions out.
I think it was courageous of them to show the experience of having to make the decision to remove life support... or not put them on life support (DNR order). It's a reality so many of us have had to deal with, but nobody ever really prepares you for it. It's such a personal decision, and often family members aren't able to come to agreement about the decision.
My family has been through it twice in the past year with my husband and his sister, and it's the most heart-wrenching decision in the world. We have to go on knowing that the decision spared our loved one from additional suffering.
Let the tears flow... it's cathartic. Sandy F.
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Seeing this list is just overwhelming... so many lives of people who were loved... mothers,fathers, sisters, brothers, sons and daughters, uncles, aunts and cousins... every life touching hundreds of other lives who mourn them. I can't believe that one year has lost so many. I have been thankful for this group and the support I got from the many friends who reached out, gave me information, answered questions and made me ask the doctors new questions. When times got really tough and I felt like I was the only one in the world going through these things, I learned I was not alone, and Jim was not alone. I want to keep being around for folks who need the same kind of support and reassurance that I did. Sandy F.
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I missed this topic being offline for a long while but must share... even if it brings tears. My wonderful Jim and I met in 1985 through a "singles" group. We were both newly separated, and shared some common experiences with "challenging behaviors" from our teenage daughters. I was instantly drawn to his fabulous and offbeat sense of humor - he could make the most ominous moment hilarious (I miss the laughter most of all)! We were together for more than 20 years. Our blended family of 5 children (3 mine, 2 his) has produced 7 wonderful grandchildren who all adored their crazy "Bumpa"! He was the most generous, kind, and loving man I've ever known, who also gave unselfishly to his community through the Masons. He was my soulmate and my greatest cheerleader and always supported me in my career and in my "artsy crafty hobbies" even when they took over our household. I miss him like crazy, but I continue to feel his presence with me every day and know he's my guardian angel! Sandy F.
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My son heard an interesting interview with one of the heads of research from the University of Alberta about DCA research. Hopefully this is something of validity. I am attaching the link to an article about this... would love feedback from anyone with experience on this as well.
Sandy F.
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> http://www.expressnews.ualberta.ca/article.cfm?id=8153
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My Jim experienced the hoarse voice for months. Docs said that his tumor was close to the vocal cords and pressing on one, and it was "paralyzed" so he was basically operating on just one. It was very frustrating for him and he'd get angry when we had to ask him to repeat himself because we couldn't hear or understand him (even blamed us for being "hard of hearing" sometimes) so be patient with her. It's my understanding that there can be surgical intervention to restore vocal cord function, but unfortunately Jim was not a good candidate for it... but I think just knowing it was a possible future option gave him hope! It's worth asking about! Good luck!! Sandy F.
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I am sharing a link to an article about some new research out of Canada. While my beloved Jim could not live to benefit from it, I hope it may help some of you out there.
http://www.expressnews.ualberta.ca/article.cfm?id=8153
Sandy Franklin
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What a lovely gift to find that note! He meant for you to find it! Even when those things set off new waves of grief, we are so lucky to have had them. Over twenty years I saved almost all of the greeting cards he ever gave me... I never could bear to throw them away because they were so much a part of him... now they are a treasure! My daughter and I have had lots of long talks about the meaning of life and our beliefs since Jim died, and since she was diagnosed with breast cancer. We struggle with the reality of losing those we have loved, and who have loved us so much... and wonder about why they happen... but my daughter and I both believe strongly in the concept of a "grand plan" and that nothing happens by accident. People come into our lives for a reason... to help us grow to our maximum. The purpose is set out long before we meet them. They leave us either when their purpose has been fulfilled, or when the step of dealing with that loss will lead us to the next step in our growth. I miss Jim so much every single day and weep for what I have lost, but I am not sad, because I had the gift of his love for so many years, and I know some people never experience that in a lifetime. I believe he is up there smiling down on us, and continuing to give his support. If I told you how he continues to send "messages" to us you would probably think I'm crazy, but when it happens, my family and I just exchange knowing glances and say "It's him!" Every rainbow is a message! Keep the faith! Sandy
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My daughter is experiencing very severe bone pain as a side effect of Taxotere. She is very tiny, so don't know if the dose was too high for her. They say they have not seen anyone with this severe a reaction to Taxotere. She also developed several infections and had to be hospitalized. In addition, she has developed a really bad rash that looks almost like poison ivy (little blisters under the skin) that is extremely itchy and has been spreading over the past 4 days. If anyone else has had a rash, please advise!
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Carleen: I never cease to be amazed how some families are just inundated all at once... it just doesn't seem fair. But our experiences strengthen us and maybe help us to help and comfort other families. I will be praying for your uncle and aunt, and to give your Dad strength to deal with this.
Sandy
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Marsha Blum
in GRIEF
Jim Franklin's sister Marsha Blum, of Columbus, Ohio, sister of the late James W. Franklin II, left this world on March 25 at 5:45 after a valiant 7 year battle with NSCLC. She leaves her loving husband Jack, two sons - John of Columbus, and David of St. Louis, MO, and two daughters Kristine Brumfield of Columbus, and Rebecca Blum of California, 3 grandsons, and 5 granddaughters and many nieces and nephews. She worked for years as a medical assistant, and was a talented artist and crafter in the field of rubber stamping. Her loving heart and generous spirit were gifts to so many friends and relatives, and she will be sorely missed. She was the most loving sister in law and I will miss her laughter forever. I have great faith that she is holding hands with her brother Jim tonight and they are both smiling.
Sandy Franklin
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Jim's loving sister left this world at 5:45 this afternoon. Marsha was my dear, dear friend as well as the most affectionate sister in law I could have asked for. She was the sister I never had. I know that Jim was waiting there for her and that they are both with their mother and grandmother right now, smiling and thinking of ways to send their love and blessings to us. Her passing was peaceful at last and she was surrounded by her husband, children, and remaining brother. My heart is overflowing as I sit next to my beautiful 37 year old daughter's bedside where she is hospitalized now for side effects from Taxotere after having to undergo a bilateral mastectomy for breast cancer. I want to rage against this awful, awful disease and how it can take and hurt good and loving people. I need to find a way to keep believing that there is some kind of grand plan that makes sense but it gets harder and harder. Jim's sister fought a brave battle for nearly 7 years after being diagnosed at stage 4 NSCLC -- we know that we were blessed that she beat the odds in so many ways and every additional day we had with her was a gift, so maybe that's the "grand plan" - to just be grateful for the gifts of their lives, and that we had a chance to let them know and for them to let us know how much love we all shared.
Sandy
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This is a big off topic but I know that my Jim was on Taxotere for his NSCLC and had few side effects... but now my daughter is undergoing chemo for breast cancer and just had her first Taxotere treatment 3 days ago and is in extreme pain today ("bone pain") and had a throat/mouth full of sores to the point they are bleeding. We are returning to her oncologist later today but are looking for information/advice on these side effects because we were not anticipating this at all!
Sandy
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Jim's sister has been in ICU for more than 4 weeks since her second LC surgery. She was intubated several times but when removed she was unable to breathe enough on her own to keep her off vent. They did a tracheotomy last weekend. Keeping her heavily sedated and when sedation is reduced she is not coherent and gets panicky. Family has made decision to remove life support today and made arrangements for services. Only 2 months since Jim passed so this is especially poignant for all our family as she was here for Jim's services. They did her surgery thinking the new growth was small but when they got in found it had spread so much in those few weeks that they had to remove more lung tissue than expected. Everyone struggling with the decision to have the surgery thinking she might have had more time -- the "if onlys"! I (and all our kids)are now at peace with all our decisions for Jim and grateful he did not have to experience weeks of pain and machines and drugs and that he died peacefully. The grief and sadness persist... I miss his laughter so very much. The family will move ahead with plans for a celebration of his life in the summer, and combine it with a celebration of his sister's life as well.
Sandy
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I wish I had better news to report but the situation with Jim's sister remains the same. They have so far been unable to wean her off the ventilator, and when they try to reduce the medications, her heart rate jumps up to 150; with the medication they can keep it under 100. The family remains hopeful so I am keeping my fingers crossed but it's almost two weeks since her surgery and she's been pretty much unconscious since then. We continue to pray for good news. Thanks for your continued support and prayers... we all need them! Sandy
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Dear Tina and family:
Many thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as you try to recover and heal from your loss. Sometimes it's hard to find something positive to hold onto when you're dealing with losing the most important person in your life. But I keep re-reading the part where he was WITH you for services, and your family's celebration of a wonderful holiday together, and having a conversation with his father... and what a blessing that his passing was quick... and not long and agonizingly painful. The shock of losing someone so quickly is one of the hardest things... Jim's happened in only 4 days after going in for a "routine" followup visit so we were not "prepared" but I find strength in knowing that he did not have to suffer for a long time. Stay strong, and if want to talk please contact me... your battle and loss is so similar to mine - 27 months. Keep sight of the good times and the laughter... think of Paul Anka's song "The Times of Your Life"! Sandy
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What a beautiful tribute to your Mom. It sounds like she was the kind of person everyone would want to know.
Rest easy in the knowledge that she is with her beloved husband (and with her first husband) and her earthly pain is all gone. How hard it is to go on without your life's partner, especially when struggling with serious health problems of your own. The battle is easier with someone right beside you. I'm sure she was there for Jim when he needed her. And you were there for her too. And what a great website... I hope it becomes active soon and that other folks will be able to use to use it. Though I'm sure you will miss her desperately, you are fortunate to have so many positive memories to rely on.
Sandy
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Controlling medication and "giving up control" can be a huge issue! Using a "pill minder" is helpful... I found one that not only has the days of the week on it, but is divided into additional compartments at 4-hour intervals.
Jim also used an electronic organizer ("Palm Pilot") with an alarm settng on it to remind him of the appropriate times to take his meds... HOWEVER... sometimes he would turn off the alarm without taking it and then wouldn't remember whether or not he took it, so a HUMAN BEING really is more foolproof.
Hope you can convince him that the medications themselves can cause "fogginess" and that the administration of the meds at the right time are critical for him!
Sending you wishes for continued success in your battle! Sandy
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I got a call this a.m. that Jim's sister in Ohio is still not doing well following her second pneumonectomy on the other other lung. Her vitals had been unstable (high heartbeat, low BP) and they had to intubate her on Thursday... hoped to gradually wean her off the respirator but so far not successful. She is in ICU and heavily sedated but when she starts to rouse she "fights against" the vent so they are keeping her under as much as possible. She has developed a fever and they are now considering "putting her paralyzed state" to allow her to heal. Her daughter is flying back today and her other son drove from St. Louis yesterday. My daughter has her own chemo tomorrow and I need to be with her as she had a terrible reaction for a whole week the last treatment. I wish I could be there with them, but my daughter comes first. This family has had enought of cancer and chemo for a lifetime!
Sandy
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Dear Don and Lucie... many hugs and prayers are going out to both of you today... I know how hard this is on both of you... Jim used to get so frustrated with the fatigue but I use to tell thim tht his body was giving thim the message that he NEEDED to give in to it and just sleep whether it was nighttime or not. You are clearly her biggest supporter and cheerleader. I hope the Avastin works for her!
Sandy
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Malou -
Jim used to get hiccups a lot... not necessarily related to the chemo, but when I asked the doc about it they said hiccups are usually related to "irritation of the diaphragm" - which I'm sure could be chemically related. It's frustrating tho' I don't know whether an old "farmer's remedy" might work, but it used to work for me... give him a glass of water, then you go stand behind him and put your two middle fingers in his ears, pressing inward, and have him drink the water down (usually about 4 oz.) swallowing several times. I don't know "why" it works but it often does!
Sandy
Another sad year passes us by!
in GRIEF
Posted
Randy, thanks again for bumping last year's list over. For those who think their loved ones were "left out" remember that that was a list of those lost in 2006. In the year since then, many more have passed in 2007. Not a day passes that I don't think about and miss my wonderful Jim, and his sister Marsha, who both passed of NSCLC within two months of each other. I continue to pray for new treatments and eventually a miraculous cure. In a way it's hard to read the success stories because I think that "if only" they could have hung on just a bit longer there might have been another alternative that could have given them more time. I continue to share love and laughter with our kids, grandchildren, and their family and old friends, and I know how much they are remembered and missed. I have the deepest faith that Jim is beside me every day as my own guardian angel! Sandy F.