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staceyabee

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  1. Hey guys, Yippee! That was my letter to the editor in the Metro (someone posted it a few days ago, thanks!)AND someone wrote a response in support of my letter the very next day. That's TWO days of awareness in Boston. I was so excited. This is my letter, followed by the response. MY LETTER TO THE EDITOR: The tragic death of Dana Reeve this week underscores the drastic underfunding of lung cancer, the deadliest form of cancer. Until my own father was diagnosed, I had no idea that lung cancer kills more people than breast, prostate and colon cancers combined. That is why I am shocked that lung cancer receives so few government dollars to research early detection tools or treatments. In 2004, breast cancer research received nearly $14,000 per death; prostate cancer got over $10,000, and $4,600 was earmarked for colorectal cancer. Lung cancer received a pitiful $1,700. Increased funding for breast, prostrate, and colorectal cancers has had a direct impact on their increased survival rates. Yet lung cancer continues to have low funding and a frighteningly low survival rate – just 15%. There are no early detection tools for lung cancer. By the time it is symptomatic, the disease has spread and is incurable. My own father received routine screenings for other cancers. Although he was a former smoker with a family history of lung cancer, there were no effective methods to detect the disease in its early, treatable stages. He died just 17 days after diagnosis. The lung cancer community desperately needs more funding. We need effective diagnostic tools and more treatment options, and we need them now. RESPONSE: Underfunding is mean-spirited JOAN BOCKHOLT • Jamaica Plain Regarding “Lung cancer needs more funding” (March 14): I’d like to add to Stacey Bennett’s letter regarding the shameful underfunding of lung cancer research. When it comes to smokers or to lung cancer, it seems the public has a case of “terminal mean-spiritedness.” Think of the outcry if money was witheld from AIDS research because of the possibility that those with AIDs had been promiscuous or had unprotected sex. What if there was hardly any money given for kidney or liver research because some people abuse alcohol? What if society refused to fund heart disease research because those people might be overweight or didn’t exercise? Since most of us could find ourselves in one of these groups, if we applaud the denial of funding for lung cancer research, we might wake up to find ourselves targets of the same meanspirited blame game.
  2. I only caught the last few minutes, but I was so glad to have seen the part on near-death experiences. I was irritated that some psychologist was trying to explain them away with a physiological explanation. Some things can't and shouldn't be explained. I mean, there are literally thousands of people who've had these experiences and they all describe them in a similar way. That can't be coincidence. Anyway, it gives me great comfort knowing that my Dad experienced that peace and love and it also gives me hope that someday I'll see him again. This stuff is just amazing to hear about.
  3. I am so very sorry that Brian is so sick. Please continue to hang in there and know that all of us here are keeping you in our thoughts and prayers. Make the best of the holidays and try to enjoy every moment. God bless!
  4. Hi, I haven't posted for a while. I just lost my dad three months ago and what an education this experience has been. I am angry because my dad was a prime candidate for early detection (if screening tools were available for LC). He quit smoking 25 yrs ago, but lost two siblings to LC. Also, he was a firefighter for 35 yrs and probably breathed in a lot of nasty stuff. It's upsetting because he took his health seriously and got other cancer screenings (prostate, colon) regularly. So, I've done some research and found that using CT scans for early detection is somewhat controversial (can cause lots of false positives, etc). I'm a healthy 33 yr old non-smoker but both parents smoked while I was growing up. Now, I obviously have a family history of LC. I realize how vital early detection is to beating this disease. My question is - should I push for a CT scan at my annual physical? I've seen more than a couple of people on this board who are in their 30s and that frightens me. What do you guys think????
  5. This will be our first year without Dad around for the holidays. I am dreading them. Our loss is still very fresh (Sept) though I doubt it'd be easier if he'd died many months ago. My dad loved Christmas. He'd insist that my mom hang up our construction paper Christmas trees and stockings - yup - the ones we'd made in grade school. And my siblings and I are in our 30s!!!!!!!!! It's going to be so hard. My brother and sister-in-law will travel home, too, with my beautiful niece. She'll be 1 on my Dad's birthday (also in December - it's going to be a brutal month). How bittersweet that'll be. My dad was overjoyed to be a grandfather at last so whenever I spend time with my niece, I am happy because I adore her, but at the same time, it breaks my heart that my Dad isn't around to enjoy her. He'd be on Cloud Nine to spend her first Christmas with his granddaughter. I hope everyone is kind to themselves this holiday season. It'll be tough. I'm going to try to remember the good times and, though it'll hurt like heck, it seems far better than just pretending nothing has happened. What else can you do but go on and carry their memory with you? Take care.
  6. I recently lost my dear Dad on Sept. 19th and am still not over the shock. Last night, I went to church (I'm Catholic) and I was surprised that it was a memorial mass in honor of all people buried out of this particular church. During the homily, the priest told a story to illustrate death and the afterlife. It seemed a strange perspective, but it has given me some comfort so I thought I'd share it. It was a long story, but basically he likened death to birth. Imagine a baby waiting to be born. When we were born, we had no idea what was on the "other side" and yet, look at all life has to hold? Though it was definitely "outside of the box" thinking, it was a very different perspective for me. It made me think that perhaps death is a new birth. I have a pretty strong faith, but when you are confronted with the death of someone so close, it makes you question things. For me, I HAVE to belief in a Heaven, because if I think I'll really never see my Dad again and this is truly all there is, I'd just fall apart. So, this perspective has given me some faith and some comfort. I hope that it does the same for someone else out there.
  7. I just lost my dad a month ago and my family and I would LOVE to help with this walk. I live in Boston and my mom and sister live in the 'burbs. There are also a lot of charity walks in South Boston along the water. I'm not sure what we'd need to do to get this off the ground, but count me in. If you want to reach me, contact me at staceyabee@aol.com
  8. Oh Patty, I know where you're coming from. My dad died the day before your mom. I, too, don't feel like it's fully hit me yet because, for the most part I am still functioning normally. Like you, I wonder, am I doing OK because Dad lived a great life and only suffered for two months and we got to say some important things to each other? This is my first huge loss, so I can't say that I know any different. I just feel like we are both probably in shock or that it hasn't fully registered yet. My reality sneaks in mostly in dribs and drabs. I'll be walking down the street and suddenly remember that my dad is gone and it's like getting stabbed in the gut all over again. Personally, I think I'm in a bit of a denial but I'm not complaining. It's helping me get through the days and I know that I'll deal with it when I am ready. I'm just trying to enjoy the good days and, on the bad, I just allow myself to feel whatever. I just try not to stay down for too long. Please hang in there and know that people are praying for you. I also have a strong belief in God and Heaven so I hope so much that our parents are up there at peace and we'll be reunited someday. Take care of yourself, Stacey
  9. Hi Nikki, I can completely relate to what you're dealing with. I just lost my dad. He was stage iv as well with cancer in the bones and liver. Don't worry about knowing what to feel. You are probably still in shock. I would just advise you to spend as much time with your dad as possible, tell him how much you love him and cram in as much love as possible. Sounds like you've got a rough road ahead of you. Also, it may be difficult, but you need to have some tough discussions with your dad about ventilators, extraordinary means, etc. I'm sorry to bring this up, but my dad went so quickly, we never had time to learn his wishes and had to guess what he would want. I think we did the right thing, but it would've been much easier to know for sure what Dad would've wanted. I'll pray for your family and for strength for you all to get through this ordeal.
  10. It's good to know that others out there understand what I'm going through. Thanks. I agree that when you do feel the pain of the loss, it's almost good. It feels appropriate to be in pain after losing someone I love so much. So, I guess I'll try to appreciate the good times because I know I'll also have some bad times. Thanks so much for your postings. I hope the days ahead are easier for each of you. Stacey
  11. Thanks for all of your responses. I do think I am in shock and that it hasn't hit me just yet. I think that for me, it'll be a gradual process. My dad's loss will slowly dawn on me. Just last night, I was headed to my mom's to try to keep her company and help with some thank you notes. I stopped at a hardware store - my boyfriend has been trying to help me assemble some furniture and we needed some parts. My dad was so handy and my boyfriend is not, though I know he's trying so hard! Anyway, I couldn't find the right hardware and got in my car and cried all the way to my parents' house. This is the type of thing my Dad always did for me. Who is going to do it now? I know it'll be fine and I'll figure it out, but I just felt so lost and alone then. Plus, going to Mom's for the 1st time after the funeral was awful. It hit me that Dad's not there anymore and won't be again. My mom even received a wedding invitation addressed to her "and guest." How awful must that have been for her. It makes me so sad. I know we'll be OK because we have great support with family and friends, but I know that the days ahead will be like a roller coaster. I know it's unfair and life isn't easy, so we just have to deal, but I would give anything for another day with my Dad. Thanks for all of your messages and prayers. I'll continue to ride the roller coaster (don't have much of a choice, do I) and keep you guys in my prayers. Thanks!
  12. I just lost my Dad. He was diagnosed with lung cancer on Sept 2nd. He'd had back pain for about six weeks and went in for some tests when they found it. We knew the situatuion was bleak (it'd spread to his bones, liver, adrenal glands - you name it) but we never expected it'd be so quick. They were still doing diagnostic tests and we hadn't even met with an oncologist yet. That appt. was scheduled for the day he died. Dad had a bronchoscopy done on a Tues. He was sent home on oxygen after complications with the test. By Friday, my mom had to bring him to the ER because his breathing was still bad. I knew the situation was bad, but I was thinking we had weeks, hopefully months, not days. They admitted him to the ICU and he deteriorated so quickly. He was disoriented and combative Sat night. It was horrible to see because he'd always been such a happy-go-lucky guy. His respirations became very labored and the doctor asked for permission to put him on a vent. My mom and dad never had a chance to discuss this, but she agreed to it so that my brother had time to fly home to see dad one last time. It was awful to see my dad with those tubes. At least my mom, sister and I got to say our I Love Yous. By the time my brother arrived the next day, Dad was so sedated he couldn't communicate. The next day, blood was filling his lungs and the doctors said there was nothing to do. As a family, we decided that our Dad wouldn't want to remain on the vent and we had him extubated. The chaplain explained that we were putting Dad's life back in God's hands. My dad died Sept 19th, Monday night, with his wife and kids around him telling him how much we love him. I am so sad to have lost him. My Dad and I had a special relationship - we have the same easy-going disposition, same outlook and same dopey sense of humor. He was a perfect blend of all the best qualities. My sister jokes that I'm having him canonized, but I can't adequately convey how much I adore my Dad. He'll never walk me down the aisle, never see the kids I hope to have someday. It's so painful. At the same time, now that I'm back to work, I feel guilty that life goes on. Intellectually, I understand that it has to, but I feel like I'm disrespecting him by going back to work and laughing with friends and having fun with my boyfriend. In some ways, I feel like the loss hasn't completely sunk in because I feel OK. I thought I'd be a basket case - shouldnt' I be?? I feel so guilty. I miss my Dad so much, so shouldn't this be harder? Does anyone else feel that way?
  13. Hi Peggy, I just lost my dad and know where you're coming from. My dad's decline was very rapid and we had to put him on a ventilator. My parents never really discussed whether he wanted these measures, but we wanted to give him a chance to rest and give my brother a chance to travel home to see Dad. Once my brother was home and it became clear that Dad wasn't going to get better, the doctors asked us about extubating him. We were discussing it in his room and I remember thinking, can't he hear us? What if he's screaming NO inside his head. But, I have to trust that he knew how dire the situation was and that we were just putting him in God's hands. The doctors had said with or without the vent, he would die in a few hours. We didn't want to prolong his suffering. I'm not sure about your faith, but I strongly believe that Dad is in a better place, as I hope is your husband. And I hope that, if in their last moments on earth, they were scared of confused, they are at peace now and know what is in our hearts. We said our I Love You's because we knew the situation was bad, but we all that Dad would be coming home, at least for a few weeks. But had I known he'd die the next day, I would've said so much more. I just didn't want him to think I was giving up on him. But now that he is in heaven, I know that he knows exactly what is in my heart. So, please trust that your husband is at peace and be kind to yourself. Try as best you can to focus on the happy stuff, not this stuff that can't be changed. Wishing you peace of mind and heart, Stacey
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