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Joelswife

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  1. Joelswife

    Joel Mittman

    Joel Mittman February 9, 1940 – February 8, 2006 Joel Mittman, 65, of Belleaire Drive, Palm Coast, devoted husband of Pamela (Averill), passed away at his home on Wednesday, February 8th after a courageous battle with lung cancer. He was born in Brooklyn New York on February 9, 1940, son of Max and Ellen (Feinstein) Mittman. He was married to Pamela in Denver, Colorado on June 3, 1986. Joel was a longtime insurance agent in New York and from 1978 to 2000 in Denver and Colorado Springs, Colorado. He was an active member of Pine Lakes Country Club and was enjoying retirement in Florida since 2000. He was a former member of Rotary Club and Independent Insurance Agents Association in Colorado. Joel had a great sense of humor, doted on his dogs, never met a stranger, traveled the world, and loved his family—especially his grandsons. He loved golf and in his words, was on the verge of mediocrity at his game. In addition to his wife, Pam, he will be sadly missed by his son, Jeffrey L. Locke and his wife Valeria of San Antonio, Texas; and his daughter Tracy R Delucca and her husband Michael of Long Beach, California; his mother, Ellen Mittman of Brooklyn; and sister, Sheila Gloekler of Las Vegas, Nevada; two grandchildren, Nicholas and Anthony Delucca. Joel was preceded in death by his father, Max Mittman and his son, Darren Mittman. Coastal Cremation will handle arrangements and the family will have a private ceremony at a later date, scattering Joel’s ashes in Puerto Vallarta, a place Pam and Joel often visited, and which holds many fond memories. In lieu of flowers, contributions in Joel’s memory will be graciously accepted at Flagler County Humane Society, 1 Shelter Drive, Palm Coast FL 32137. [/img]
  2. As soon as the dr told us that hospice was the only option, Joel declined rapidly. His sister Sheila came in to be with us. Our son changed his flight but was in the air when Joel died on Feb 8, the day before his 66th birthday. Joel died in extreme pain and agony and we were never able to get relief until the last hour of his life. I am so angry about that and don't understand. He was literally writhing in pain the morning he died and we were just helpless. That said, being with him while he passed away was probably one of the most profound experiences of my life; more intimate than holding hands, sex, etc. It was truly an honor to be with him at that time and I'm so grateful he was able to die at home. He was loved so much and he knew it. I will post the obituary in a couple days. I never knew I could cry so much and everything, absolutely everything reminds me of him. The ONLY good thing about the pain was that it made it so much easier for me to let him go.
  3. Joel told me today that he doesn't feel he can be left alone. He can barely walk, he didn't eat, he has a draining hole in his neck from tumor, pressure sores on his butt and foot, on a liquid only diet, now has to use Depends and has extreme extreme fatigue. We are due for results of CT on Wed but I have a bad bad feeling. I believe our onc was trying to prepare us also. Joel is absolutely miserable and I can't remember the last time he smiled. Today is the first time also he has said no matter what, no more chemo. Should I take family leave? Is this temporary? Is this the end? Do we call hospice? Even though I haven't posted lately, I read the posts every day and have frankly had to double up on the prozac. So far we've been taking it a day at a time but it feels like we need to make some decisions. Thanks for listening. Pam
  4. I'm so very sorry about your Mom but happy for her that she could go peacefully surrounded by those who love her and with you having been able to tell her just how very much she meant to you. Not everybody gets that chance. Take care. Pam
  5. The right oncologist is something we feel strongly about. The old onc was testy, didn't like questions, actually said "look I've been an onc for 30 yrs and I know more than you" and when I called her re extreme pain (10 out of 10) on a weekend, she said "why didn't you just call the pain dr". Enter the new onc who has changed our lives. We feel totally cared for; he listens, he's a straight shooter, thorough, unhurried and he's a hugger. Our only regret is that we didn't change earlier. When things don't feel quite right, trust the gut.
  6. We had our local cancer support group Christmas dinner last night and the nuns who run the group cooked a fabulous Italian dinner (who knew?) for about 50 of us. They waited on us hand and foot and even pureed soup for Joel (who is still on a liquid diet). Very festive and a warm and supportive group of people. Lots of longtime cancer survivors that make us feel very hopeful about the future. Pam
  7. Joel's wound specialist recommended Desitin with zinc. It comes in a little tub and is 40% zinc, about $15. She said she uses it instead of all the fancy prescription stuff. It has helped him immensely. Poor guy has either constipation or diarrhea, no in between. Pam
  8. My two dogs, Nigel and Pearl. They are a constant source of amusement for Joel during the day. When Joel is having a bad day and laying down, Nigel lays right close to him and stares at him with big brown eyes. They greet me when I come home like I'm somebody famous. I wouldn't trade them for $1,000,000.
  9. I called my Mom first; it's funny how you need your Mom at stressful times. Then I had to call Joel's daughter and my son who has been raised by Joel since he was 8; he's 29 now. Those were the two hardest phone calls I've ever made. Also, I was in the waiting room at the hospital when the surgeon (who was removing an abcess from Joel's lung) told me he found cancer. The conversation took 30 seconds and he left. I started crying and a nurse who was waiting for a friend had heard the conversation came over and just hugged me hard and told me what all the next steps were going to be. I will forever be grateful to that stranger. Worst than all of those phone calls was having to tell Joel he had cancer the next morning. I knew it would be better coming from me and he would be better prepared to ask the dr questions. We have still never told his 92 year old mother who lives alone in Brooklyn. What would be the point?
  10. I've noticed several threads regarding the bad side effects of Decadron: irritable, hostile, itchy, restless, lack of sleep, etc. Joel has been on 4 mg 4 times a day since Tuesday and so far, it's given him way more energy and relieved most of the pain in his legs. He seems a lot more like his old self, talking and laughing and he was crying like a baby about a "Lost" show the other night. Question is do they start getting bad effects later? Do they start out OK and then get "crazy" later on? I'm a little concerned or would he already have the bad effects by now? Inquiring minds..... Pam
  11. Thanks all, you're all exactly right, maybe I wouldn't have know what to say if it was the other way around. I find a big hug takes care of most situations. Joel has started muscle relaxer and the decadron and he already seems much much better. They started radiation on the spine immediately. This onc is SO thorough; we feel very supported and cared for.
  12. I could sleep and roll over whenever I want without having to be careful that I'll wake the dogs up or disturb their beauty sleep. I'd spend money on facials and massages for myself instead of grooming, revolution, chew toys. I'd know the names of the people at the dog park instead of their dogs. I wouldn't be suspicious of people who don't own dogs. I wouldn't have a sandbox in my backyard for my terrier instead of a perennial garden. I'd be so lost if I didn't see their happy little faces when I get home from work.
  13. It turns out he has mets to his spine causing pain and weakness in his legs. He was released from the hospital with a prescription for Decadron and a muscle relaxer (and Prilosec; is that for the Decadron?) Meeting with the radiologist tomorrow to make a plan. Still planning on chemo starting Wednesday. I got him a cane with the 4 little legs to keep him steady. We have a home health nurse coming in starting tomorrow for physical therapy. He is so depressed and I hope he's not giving up. In the last few days I've been given this feedback from friends and family: 1. Well, this is probably the beginning of the end. 2. These men just aren't willing to think about palliative care instead of a cure. 3. You know, he's just prolonging his life. and my favorite 4. If he doesn't accept Jesus Christ as his personal saviour, he will burn in hell. (Joel is Jewish) Mind you, it's hard to tell but these are people who love us. My mind is always boggled at what comes out of people's mouths. My neighbor asked me if I realize how ill he is and that I need to prepare myself. As if I don't wake up and go to sleep every day thinking that thought. Just babbling. This is therapeutic for me.
  14. So Joel has been having trouble with pain in the back of his legs all the way from butt to calves, sometimes one leg, then the other, this morning he could barely stand up. I called the dr who admitted him to the hospital to rule out compressed spinal column? He is having MRI tonight. My question is couldn't it be muscle atrophy? Because of the pain, he hasn't been active which could cause muscle weakness which could cause pain and so on and so on. You can actually see his legs quivering. Anybody else have experience with this? Could it be from radiation? What could it be? We're both so exhausted. (heavy sigh)
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