Madison70

policemen - thief cross / policemen goes back / policemenn - son cross / policemen - thief back / dad - son cross / dad goes back /dad - mom cross / mom goes back / mom - daughter cross / policemen - thief back / policemen - daughter cross /policemen back / policemen - thief cross////////////

Hi everyone, I lost my Mom one year ago tonight. Next to my husband she was my best friend. She was taken from us very quickly. She had fought the cancer for a year and a half. We don't think it was the actual cancer that took her we are pretty sure her heart just gave out. I luckily got to spend that last day of her life with her. I took her to the doctor and we came home and I had lunch with her and my father. Little did I know that when I left Dad would call me 2 hours later and tell me that she had passed away at home suddenly. She had a reoccurence a few months before and I knew things didn't look good. I think I was the only one in the family that really understood that she didn't have much time left. And even I was surprised that it came as soon as it did. It is strange to grieve so hard for someone but still be glad that they are no longer suffering. My mother never had to spend a night in the hospital since she was diagosed. But I knew that day was coming soon and my Mom was terrified of hospitals. So the fact that she went never having to experience any of that made me very grateful. Our lives will never be the same and I feel so cheated out of a Mom. No one ever loves you the way a Mom does. And since she left us so suddenly I never got the chance to talk with her about how we were supposed to go on without her. I felt for sure that she would have left a letter or something behind but she didn't. I wanted her to tell me how to deal with her death. I didn't visit her grave today because I just couldn't. I hope she understands that. I just wanted to post this in honor of my Mom. I want her to know that I will never stop missing her. Love you Mom, Madison

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I finally have gotten some medication to take. It does at least dull the pain some. I feel so inadequate that I am dealing with this so poorly. I know the rest of my siblings are grieving too but they seem to be able to do it in a functioning way. I always talked things over with my Mom and I can't talk about this with her. That's what is killing me right now. I know my Mom would have wanted to go the way that she did. She was going to have fluid removed from her lung and be tested for cancer. I know that if she got bad news that she would be horribly upset right now and not ready for another fight. She has been just too tired, she was 71. So it's a blessing that she didn't know that God was going to call her home that night. But I know my mother well enough to know that if she had known she was going to be going that soon she would have left me a letter or something. She would have told me how I was going to get through all of this and what to do to help my Dad. I am usually a pretty stable person but this has knocked the wind out of me. Madison

I just want to say thank you to Margaret, Peggy, Mirrell, Curtis and JC. I want you all to know that I have followed your stories since I joined this board. Being a little shy I don't post often but check this site out every day. There have been many of times I have sat at the computer and wept because someone got bad news or lost someone they love. But nothing has prepared me for losing my mother. Next to my husband she was my best friend. We talked every single day. When she was first diagnosed I cried for 2 months. She did so well with radiation and had a year after that of being NED so we relaxed some. Then this last September they said it had come back. She just did not handle chemo well even though they gave her the lightest dose/kind that they could. I am holding on to the fact that I got to spend the last day with her. Of course neither of us knew that it was going to be the last day. She had been having trouble breathing and was waiting for Cat Scan results to come in to schedule a time to have fluid drained from her lung. My head says that she went the way she would have wanted. No hospitals and in my father's arms but my heart won't accept that yet. My heart breaks for myself and then again for my father. My 10 year old son asked me last night if I was done being sad. I know it bothers him to see me cry but I have just not been able to hold it back. I have always known that losing my mother would be hard but I just never imagined that it would hurt this bad. Madison

I lost my Mom this week to lung cancer. She was diagnosed in March of 2003 with Stage 1 lung cancer. They could not take it out because her lungs were too bad. She had radiation and everything went well for a little over a year and then it came back. She took chemo and it really took her down. We knew the cancer would take her eventually but it came so much sooner than we expected. I guess what I am doing is asking people who have been through this how they got through it? When does it stop hurting so much? When does that knot in your chest go away? When do you stop waking in the night realizing that your loved one has died? When do you care about anything at all? How do you keep on taking care of your kids when you don't feel like doing anything? How do you keep from smothering your remaining parent because you are so scared that you will lose them too? I just don't know how to do any of this. Madison

Thank you to everyone who responded to my question. I tell my husband that if you want to know anything about Lung Cancer you come to this board FIRST. I don't post very often but I check in every day to see how everyone is doing. Madison70

Hello everyone. I just have a quick question. How accurate is a pet scan? Are there ever false positives for a reaccuring cancer? Not trying to not "accept" it I just want to cover all the bases. I have a parent that had a pet scan done and showed cancer in an area close to the last time. This parent is feeling very good and we were all shocked, even their regular doctor was shocked. So I am just trying to cover all the bases. Thank you very much, Madison

Thanks Terrie and Rana for replying to my questions. Mom goes back to the doctor on the 29th of this month. I guess we will just have to wait and see what he says then. She is feeling fine except being tired from the radiation. Madison

Hi everyone, I don't know if you remember me but I wrote about my Mom being diagnosed with non small cell lung cancer a few months ago. You all said get a second opinion. Well we didn't do that because my Mom was comfortable with the doctors that she had. She has been diagnosed a Stage One. Anyhow I have a question that I hope isn't too stupid to ask. Have any of you had radiation that did not shrink the tumor? Mom only has 3 more treatments left and the tumor has not shrunk. The dr said something about when you have something like tuberculosis that even if you are cured it is still in your lung. Now what does he mean by that? My sister was there today when they talked, I was not. She wanted to ask deeper questions but didn't because she didn't want my Mom upset right before a family get together over the 4th. So we are just in a waiting mode right now. He said that he would check her every 3 months and see how she was doing. He said there was a possibility that her pulmonary dr(who she loves) would want to do the radiation seeds that are put into your lung. She will be seeing him in the near future, she makes the appt on Monday. So here is the really stupid question. Can a tumor still be there but the cancer not be in it anymore. Or has all of the radiation not done any good. The tumor had not grown but it had not shrunk. And can't you just have radiation once in the same spot? I joked with my sister that I had spoken to both her and my Mom and didn't understand what either one of them found out. But my sister felt the same way after the meeting. She felt lost also. My Mom does not want to do chemo because her pulmonary guy thought it would make her too sick(she's 69) and not do much good for her type of cancer. She was diagnosed after coughing up a very very small amount of blood. So she went into all of this feeling fairly healthy. It is hard to think that she has anything wrong with her right now. She is tired from the radiation but that is about it. I do have to tell you that she is not the type of person who likes to travel. Going to all of these doctors is really starting to wear on her. She did quit smoking which I never ever thought would happen. She is a very nervous person. She did tell me that if this spreads she is lighting back up. So I guess I wonder where we are standing right now. Is she going to have no choice but to go on chemo or what? She could not have surgery because her other lung was not in good enough shape. Another thing I wanted to mention. I am not much of a poster on boards like this, I am more of a lurker. But I do check the boards every day. I am so wrapped up in all of your lives and cheering you on when I read your posts. It is really strange when you start having conversations with your husband about people you have never met! This board is such a good thing. I learn so much from you all. Thank You. Madison

Hi everyone, I was wondering why you all think we should get a second opinion for my mom. I guess we were understanding that this was the best way to treat her. Do you guys know something we don't? Thank You, Madison

Hello everyone, I posted a while back about my Mom not wanting surgery. Well today she was told she didn't have that option. The tumor is in a "tube" that goes into her lung. They probably have to take the whole lung to get it out. Her other lung is not good enough to keep her going. She really didn't want surgery so this almost relieved her because she didn't have to make that decision, it was made for her. She is now to start radiation on Monday. The pulmonary guy said that he would not recomend chemo. He said not everyone would agree with that. But he did not think it would do any good for this kind of cancer. My mom has Stage 1 non small cell cancer and I also think it's the type of cancer that starts with a sq . This is all so new to us so I am just wondering if anyone else has gone this same route and did they get good results. Thank You, Madison

Thanks to everyone who has replied to my question. Mom has to go in for some kind of a xray or scan on Friday. I guess her breathing test wasn't quite right so he wants to to check to make sure nothing else was wrong. I know her oxygen level that day was not what it should have been. But the day I went with her they checked it and it was fine. My mom is 69, soon to turn 70. So with her age I am quite concerned for her to go through that big of a surgery. Then she may have to go through chemo and radiation after that. They don't think it has spread but won't know until they get in there. But I do know a big concern of hers is that she will go through the whole surgery and then still have to have chemo and radiation. This is all so hard and everything is going way too slow. My mom looks and feels healthy right now so it is hard to think of anything being wrong with her. But I just feel like we should be doing something other than waiting for doctor's appts. Thanks again to everyone who replied. Madison

Hello everyone, I have not done this before so I hope I do it right. My mother was just diagnosed with lung cancer. It is a stage one cancer and I think they also might have said something about T2. They have told her that she was lucky to have found it so soon. She has been told that her best cure rate is surgery. But she does not want this. She has never had a surgery before and this one sounds like a pretty serious one. I was wondering if anyone else has been in this same situation. I am not pressuring her to have the surgery because I know that she is frightened. Plus he did tell us some of the side effects that could happen from it. I was wondering if anyone else here might have refused to do the surgery and how they are doing. Thank You, Madison69