bethluvswill13

Welcome tracy!!

welcome Donna!

Meredith you are very welcome here! Im sorry you needed to find this site, but Im glad you came here. Feel free to vent on here as much as needed. Hugs

Lillian, Im sorry to hear your news. I'll be praying for you and try to stay positive. A lot of people survive cancer you could be one. Hugs

Welcome Shirley! I don't have any answers for you, but I know the people on this site will. This site is truly a blessing to find and join. Hugs

Cathy-I know today is extra hard, I'll be praying for you. Hugs

I don't have any advice to offer. I do however have prayers to pray. Im wishing you some peace. Im so sorry your going through all of this. I wish you a better day to tomorrow.

Malou-Im praying for you and your family. Hugs,Beth

Erin-your mom will be watching her grandbaby's christening from above. She seems like a beautiful soul no wonder you miss her so.

Sue-I'll be praying for you.

Im sorry your having a bad day...things don't seem to better on days like the one your having. Im 27 and my dad passed less than 5 months ago and its a struggle to get through most days. Feel free to pm me if you'd like. I'll be praying for you and your family. Hugs,Beth

Prayers for you.

here comes those prayers.

carleen, so so sorry to hear this. im praying for you both and praying for both of you to have peace. Hugs,beth

Oh Kathleen, Im so very sorry your going through all of this. I recently lost my dad. Feel free to pm me any time I'll do my best to help. Prayers,Beth

Lisa, Im sending you warm hugs. Stay positive even though I know its so easy to say but terribly hard to do. Prayers,Beth

Welcome Rose

Welcome!

I got to unload this. It may be real lengthy. I lost my dad 2 months ago and it seems like yesterday. I just can't grasp the thought of my dad never coming back. I guess, today Im struggling with the guilt. You see when my dad was in ICU, I went in to visit during visiting hours and my dad was on a Bi-pap machine(it forces oxygen into your lungs.) During this visit I was alone and telling him I loved him. My dad began trying to cough, knowing he couldn't with this mask on I started pulling off the mask and yelling for help. The nurse and I removed the mask, but dad didn't have enough air to cough, everything started dropping and I got so scared I started helping the nurse to put the mask on, but dad managed to say no Beth no, I started crying and panicked I ran to my mom in the waiting room and collapsed and just cried. You see I let the nurse put the mask on him and I knew my dad was telling me he was ready to go. I didn't listen to him, now I feel so guilty. He suffered through the night and into the next night. The nurse told me she had to put the mask on him and sedated him because he fought her. The rest of the night when I visited him he was restless. He kicked his sheet off and they tied him down. The next morning he was alert and free from the ties, but he told my mom he couldn't live like this, when he spoke these words I knew he had given up. I couldn't muster a response, but my mom told him it was okay. As the day progressed my dad declined, slowly his stats became lower and lower. By the second visit he was put on life support and unbeknownst to me, my mom was aware of his state. I called everyone I could think of and when I visited my dad I told him everyone was coming to be with him. The last visit of the evening my husband showed up and when we walked back as soon as my husband spoke my dad's stats started falling, I believe my dad waited for me to have someone with me before he passed. I feel so much guilt and sadness over my dad. I know he's whole again and waiting for us to join him, but I can't seem to fight this hump. I called a therapist and made an appointment Im hoping for some relief. Im not the same person I used to be. My dad's sickness and death rule my life now. I can't have a happy thought without demolishing it with a sad one. Im angry with my husband a lot. Little things make me so mad. I cry without a reason, off and on all day. I don't want to laugh or smile anymore. I don't want to go places or see people. I feel so crazy sometimes. Im sorry I had to let go of this before I exploded. Thanks for listening and if you can help please wrie. It seems everything I love in or about life is getting farther from me. Im always angry and crying, I feel so alone. I know Im not alone, but I don't have anywhere or anyone to turn to. My husband doesn't understand at all, in fact he thinks I just need medication to fix my feelings. My mom is fighting her on demons and my brothers won't open their hearts.

Sandy, Im so sorry to hear this news. I'll be keeping you in prayer. Hugs,Beth

Eppie, Im so sorry to hear this news. I'll be praying for you and your family. Hugs,Beth

Your very welcome here. Im sorry to hear of your loss. Hugs,Beth

Welcome-Teresa! I'll be praying for you and your mom. Im sorry to hear of her diagnosis, but she beat breast cancer in her seventies...looks like she's pretty tough. Hugs,Beth

Whoa Lisa- it seems everything has happened suddenly and very quickly. I'll be keeping you and your son in thought and prayer. Hugs,Beth

Karen,how terribly sorry I am to read your post. Im going to pray for your peace as tomorrow creeps. I can't imagine a spouse's passing. I recently lost my dad and its a constant daily struggle. I'll be praying for you and your family and may only fond memories carry you through. Hugs,Beth