natalie

I'm saddened to hear of David's passing. Nancy, my prayers are with you and your family. i'm so sorry.

I pray that both of your scans come out good! You both hang in there.

Andrea, This is the original doctor...she leaves in Feb...this is the one I like...so I find myself sometimes trusting her judgment because I know she doesn't want my mom to suffer...but then I don't want to 100% trust her judgment b/c she's been wrong about other things. Mo, I don't know why they didn't drain more fluid either. They only got 30 cc's. I asked why she couldn't drain more and she said it's because she's pretty confident it's filled with cancer and that there are complications with the procedure such as puncturing her lung...she really didn't give us the option to take the chance and plus she made me scared to say okay, well we'll take the chance. She also said that she could tell if it's cancerous immediately because it will turn red...well I saw it and it was yellow, so I said "phew, it's yellow, so that must be a good sign", she said "well, there's a little blood in it and the consistency is a little thick" I swear I stared at the sample throughly and didn't see any blood but accepted the fact that I'm under qualified to make that judgment. Tonight, again, she called my Dad and recommended hospice...she recommended hospice a month ago...well we declined and recommended my mom stay on Iressa and my mom regained her strength (with the exception of this weakness starting about 10 days ago) and her tumors showed some shrinkage since they said "hospice" They also said my mom wouldn't make it passed Christmas and she's still here. My mom's set for Gamma Knife on Thursday to get rid of a tumor they found in her brain that is less than a cm. Well the onco called the surgeon and told her what was going on...well now the surgeon wants to cancel the procedure and schedule a CT scan (that can take weeks!). To do the procedure they have to do an MRI anyway and it's a more detailed MRI that detects small tumors mm in size, so I'm confused...why wouldn't he just do things as planned and if they see something strange on the MRI, go from there? Why the CT scan vs. MRI all of a sudden? We've tried to call the neurosurgeon, but he hasn't called us back...we are just going to show up for the surgery and see what happens. This is an HMO, so I've noticed I've really got to take charge in my mothers care. Although it breaks my heart and makes me sick, I'm ready to accept that this is it, if it will mean that anything further will definitely decrease my moms quality of life and cause her pain, but she's not in any pain right now, she's tired and weak, but on no pain pills, so why give up if my mom's not in pain? I don't understand why they are giving up? Why would the doctor recommend hospice already when she doesn't even have the results from the drained fluid? Do you think she already knows and trying to break it to us gently? Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry for making this so long and venting...its just been such an emotional day today...I don't know what I would do without you guys for support. thank god for all of you.

we went to the doctor today and the doctor determined my mom has fluid in her lungs. She pulled out a sample and said that we will know in a couple of days whether it's cancerous fluid (she sent it to the lab). The doctor said that if it's cancer fluid, then she can drain it out, but that it would come back each time she drained it so she's recommending hospice if it's cancerous fluid. I'm shocked at this and not familiar with fluid in the lungs. She said that cancerous fluid is a jello type consistency. I didn't know that fluid can be cancerous...does this mean its multiple, small cancer tumors? Should we give up if it's cancerous? The doctor said today that she is pretty confident it's cancerous...i didn't expect this.

WOAH! Shelly! When it rains it pours. He may have limited Small Cell which they say is curable and it seems like they caught it early. Shelly, I have extra prayers for you and here for you with anything you need.

Berisa, I'm so happy to hear that your Dad is discharged! I hope you and your dad enjoy the New Years festivities.

Fay, Does Iressa cause quicker muscle weakness? Lately my mom has been weaker and now can't stand up anymore. I know she is dealing with neuropathy from previous chemo treatments, but she was getting stronger until this past week.

Tom, I am so sorry for your loss

Marlon, i'm so sorry that you have to go through this. Sending my best wishes and prayers.

Retha, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I also get the doctors telling me new things about my mom before they tell her and my Dad and it is such an emotional burden keeping it secret. I end up just telling my parents because I think that it may be easier to hear the news from me vs a doctor...I think I make the news less grim than the doctor does. I am also an only child and worry about my Dad a lot if something happens to my mom. PM me anytime. I understand.

My mom was the same way. She wouldn't want me to come, but I would just "show up" and I think she enjoyed having me there...but of course, would never admit to needing her daughter. The first chemo regime she was one, took 6 hours. I encourage you to go if you can...my mom and I had some good talks and bonding time at chemo...I also got to know the nurses by being there and it makes for a happier environment. I would also try my best to have lots of energy and make jokes, read magazines with her. One good thing having you there, is listening to what the nurses will tell your mom what to do, what to take, etc. (My mom is terrible at remembering things.) I'm so sorry that you have to go through this...we all know how difficult it is to deal with and are here for you.

great! way to go Estrea! Good luck!

Where are you located? I would call Blue Cross or Kaiser (not sure if those are avail in your area) and see about being insured as an individual. My husband has Blue Cross (his job doesn't offer insurance benefits) and it costs him $157/mo which is about what I'd pay to add him to my insurance anyways here at work, so he just kept his own. I wish you the best of luck. Also, maybe there is Medicare or Government aid of some sort for these kind of situations?

Great ideas! Thanks for everyone's feedback...now I have to figure out how to get a hold of dr. Phil. I'll look into it. In the meantime, I'm going to get cracking on getting the California LC chapter filed.

Great ideas! Thanks for everyone's feedback...now I have to figure out how to get a hold of dr. Phil. I'll look into it. In the meantime, I'm going to get cracking on getting the California LC chapter filing.

Shelly, Your poor father...he has been through so much. Maybe it's pneumonia? It sounds like they are taking good care of him and taking extra precaution. I'm glad to hear there are no masses. We are here for you.

Laurie, you crack me up! I find myself reading these boards and crying one minute and laughing the next. I feel like a mental case. Last night I was so mad at my husband for absolutely nothing. He brought home apple cinnamon Theraflu instead of lemon. I could have kickboxed him out of the house I was so mad. Then it went on to, how could he not know that I would only want lemon Theraflu after being with me for 7 years. That he doesn't listen to me...doesn't care, that lemon is better tasting for me. Then he had football permanently glued to our TV for the last couple of days, so I ranted about that. really, how ridiculous...poor guy. Needless to say I apologized. Lyn and Bethann, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this with us. It IS pure hell, thats a good way to sum it up. We certainly know what you are going through. My mom looks so different and has aged so quickly. I look at old pictures of her and can stare at them for hours. Denise, I'm glad that you enjoyed your birthday and Andrea, I'm glad we can make your mom laugh for a minute. I can't remember if this is the post where someone asked if anyone's read the Divine Secrets of the Yaya Sisterhood? I've read it and I swear the personalities of the woman in the story is my mother and I. I haven't read it in a while, maybe I'll reread it. I hope everyone has a nice weekend.

I was thinking of approaching her on doing a topic on "How to Cope with Cancer". Then list this website as one of the resources. I would like to express to her the stress involved with a cancer diagnosis. Maybe she would be interested if Robert DeNiro or Collin Powell would be a guest to discuss. I figured maybe I could pitch a whole episode for her and put it together for her, she may find an interest. Rick, if you have some of those letters on email, can you email them to me?

Guest...thank you thank you! Just what I felt like getting out of my system, but you did it for me! Thanks! Fay...is that YOU???? I did get a punching bag and gloves for Christmas...I'm serious...not joking. when I had more time on my hands I used to be really into boxing. I haven't been able to go so I haven't let my aggressions out, so my husband went out and bought me one. Carleen, I meant to write to you earlier... I hope you and Keith can manage to have a nice holiday. I think of you often. I think the artificial insemination idea sound terrific. Hey, it worked for Lance Armstrong... and now he has three children....maybe it will give Keith something to look forward too. I think you have the right idea. Karen, thank you for your advice...you all have me reconsidering. You give me inspiration.

Thank you so much for the advice. Are all of you extra emotional today? I think it's because it's New Years Eve and I feel like I don't have the right nor desire to celebrate a new year. I talked to my mom's doctor today and she told me she had "bad news". Well...of course she does...bad news bad news, I'm tired of bad news. So the pit of my stomach is in lumps thinking she was going to tell me something about my mom. well the bad news is that she is moving and no longer going to be my mom's doctor. Although I was so glad it wasn't bad news about my mom, I started crying hard, I think I was even gasping. poor doctor, I wouldn't let her get off the phone, I was talking and crying at the same time, I really don't even think she understood me. But you know what she said? "I may not be your mom's doctor anymore, but am a family friend now and you can call me anytime". I cried some more and even told her I loved her. Oh my gosh, she must think I am an emotional lush! Actually, she had a very close relationship with her mom and her mom had passed a few years ago, so I think that she found a place in her heart for my mom and I. Andrea, you are so right and I know I should appreciate everything I have and I am obviously more appreciative of what I have now that I've been whacked in the face this year with this...but (and I know you are going to agree with me on this one) with every ounce of me I would give it all up in a second if I could not have my mom go through this. I'm so down today. I also am having an awful day at work, if I hear of someone else demanding something because of the end of the year, I'm going to tell them to go jump in a lake. They had 365 days out of the year to figure things out and they want to bug the heck out of me on the 364th day to get something? Don't they know I have to work and email on this website? Haha...JUST kidding. I really should be working right now. Thanks ladies for your advice and such heartwarming feedback. I love you guys ....see I'm such an emotional lush today!!!! I could probably reenact Halle Barry's speech when she won that Oscar...and no, I have not had anything to drink yet...scary huh? Denise...HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I hope you are having a wonderful day.

Oh my gosh. It just dawned on me! I might have a connection with Oprah. My neighbors sister was in a reality TV show (hasn't aired yet...airs in April), well Oprah taped her for her own show in regards to the reality TV show (it's a family show, not one of those dating shows). My neighbor says that Oprah (personally) calls her a lot now. I'm going to talk to my nieghbor this weekend and see if there is a way I can get something passed along to her. I think this issue of cancer would interest her. As I start to brainstorm...maybe we can get Katie, Rick and Estrea on there to discuss this website? Maybe we can get the Dave's on there. Maybe Dave...your doctor? I'm obviously jumping the gun here and may not have success in reaching Oprah, but I'm going to try my best and feel positive that I can somehow reach her through my neighbor's sister. Any other ideas?

Right now I feel closer to you guys than I do to friends I've known for years...its that certain thing I need right now that my sweet friends can't fill and it's so nice to have you guys that understand and can empathize. (I'm feeling especially emotional today) This issue about the "grandchild" hits so hard in my heart and I'm so glad I'm not alone. I'm on anti-depressants right now and the doctor said that there isn't anything she can give me that would be safe for pregnancy and I don't know if I can go through this with my mom without the anti-depressants. I just tried to go off them and I'm crying all the time at work again (unfortunately, that seems to be when I breakdown). Do you know of anything that would be safe? I would go off the anti-depressants, but they really help me stay strong for my mom. It helps me not cry in front of her. I don't want her to see my true feelings of me being scared of losing her. My mom is leaving for my aunts house for two days. I'm feeling so attached to her that the thought of not seeing her for two days gets me depressed and sick to my stomach. Do any of you go through this? Laurie... my coworker was told she couldn't have kids. She had injections and tried everything. She had pretty much stopped the treatments and summed it up that she was going to adopt...then out of nowhere she finds out she's pregnant. Well she had a very healthy boy last month. 2nd story...my sister in law at 41 wasn't suppose to be able to have kids either and her husband had a vasectomy done (he had two kids of his own)...well, surprise. She now has a healthy baby girl (yes, it does belong to the husband who had the vasectomy)...its not the milkman's baby, ha! Just a reminder...we know how those doctors are. Just to some it up, this is how I feel today...Happy freakin stupid New Year.

That sounds great. I haven't been to Disneyland in so long. Southwest always has cheap fares too...I'll keep an eye out for packages and if I find something good I'll post it for those of us on the North side.

Wow, I have been thinking about the whole baby thing too. I convinced myself that if I got pregnant right now that it may give her something positive to look forward to but then I'm afraid that if I have a baby right now that it will be all screwed up from being in my stomach which is constantly full of anxiety. That baby will come out shaking and have anxiety for the rest of it's life because of the state I'm in. Especially now with the holidays passing she needs a new thing to take her mind off of things, I think, if I get pregnant and can tell my mom I'm pregnant maybe it will help her beat this thing. This thought goes through my head every single day. My husband and I were also so ready for kids. Do you think it would be detremental at this time?

Shelly, I'm speechless. I hope so bad for you that it is not cancer or anything serious. The stress he has been under could be causing lots of crazy signals in his body...hopefully it's just stress related. We are here for you. Please keep us posted.