robynmark

My dad also had one lung when he was diagnosed this year with cancer in his remainig lung. Is your dad coughing up a lot of blood? My dad was and this is how we knew it was getting worse. They also only talked about quality of life. Once its in the other lung and has spread to other areas there is not much they can do. However, when my dad was on chemo you could tell his breathing and coughing was better. Unfortunaltey he did have brain mets and it in the liver and bones and only lived 4 months after diagnosis. It also depends on which stage it is in the lung. My dad's was stage IV right away. Robyn

My dad had lung cancer 17 years ago then was diagnosed again this year with stage IV. Unfortunately he died the day after fathers day. A spot was seen last December and my brother was getting married in Feb at Disney this year. He didn't want to find out if it was cancer because he wanted everyone to be happy at the wedding and not dwell on the negative. In his heart though he knew it was cancer. None of us talked about it and he did make it to Disney. You could tell he was sick though because he was so short of breath. To make a long story short, we didn't know he would die so soon or that it was even the worst sort of cancer. I can tell you now that I am so glad I have that wedding video to watch what he was like before he got so sick. I watched that video constantly after he died just so I had one last great memory, not the ones of him loosing his hair, or talking about dieing or even the last day before he died looking so pale and thin. You have to do what is right and moving up a wedding might not be the easiest or the right thing to do but I know that that memory of him walking you down the aisle will be one you will cherish forever. By the way I live in Waukesha, WI. Where does your father live in Wisconsin?

My dad passed away this year from Stage IV lung cancer. I don't post on the boards much but my 5 year old daughter was is only grandchild. She was the light of his life and I realized after awhile that I had to be honest with her. He was staying with us for the weekend and his breathing got so bad that he continuously stated he wanted to die and had to be rushed to the emergency room. She saw it all and I told her Grandpa is very sick but that doesn't mean he doesn't love you and you dont need to be afraid of him. I also told her that it was not the kind of sickness that any child could get so that she knew she could be by him. As he got worse the more scared she got but she would hold his hand, give him hugs and read with him but that was about it. I think she knew something was wrong but she still loved him with all of her heart. Just be as honest as you feel you can be without being scaring them so that they can be a part of what is going on. Robyn

Its been over 2 months nows and I miss him even more now than I did before. He was my best friend and I can't imagine not being able to call him everyday or ask for help on the computer. My daughter started kindergarten last week and I know he thought he'd be alive to see her get on the bus for the first time. She adored him and he her. I wrote awhile ago that she didn't talk about his death too much but lately she talks about him all the time. Little things she say just sets me off in tears. We put together a scrapbook on his life this weekend and she loved doing it. I have yet to go to the cemetary because I can't bear to see him buried and no headstone yet (we are jewish so that won't be on until next year). Will it get easier? Will I be able to move on and not cry when I think about him? Robyn

Michele: When I read you post you sounded like me. My daughter and my dad were the best of friends. She was his only grandaughter. He watched her twice a week until he died this June. She is also five and starts kindergarten this year. When he died I thought she would be devasted like I was and crying like me. The opposite happened. No reaction at all. Not a tear, not a question about grandpa, nothing. In fact when the rabbi mentioned her name she smiled at me. When we told her grandpa died she said "Can I go out and play now". Everyone said the same thing people said to you. Until recently, she didn't even talk about it. She will say now that my grandpa is dead and in the ground. She will say "I miss my grandpa" but other than that barely talks about him unless I do. Why no reaction, I don't know. I think we expect them to react like we do and they can't. I have only begun to start crying more. I still don't believe he is gone. I still want to believe when I call his house he will answer. I still want to believe that he will come back and see Megan go to kindergarden. I have dreams about him every night and I don't know if it will get easier or the pain gets any less. Robyn

I have been reading all of your posts regaring such horrible hospice care. We received great care for my dad. We only had one bad experience and complained to the main hospice manager. We had great nurses and my dad liked most of the them. The one he didn't like we called and asked that she did not come again. Two of the nurses became so close to my dad they even came to the funeral. He didn't want morphine until the very end so they didn't give him any. They were very honest with us as to what to expect and one day I just spent 3 hours talking to the nurse. Hospice Care is what you want it to be. You can always request another facility or ask for different nurses. They even held my dad's body at my mom's house for 2 hours so that my brother and I could say our goodbyes before calling the funeral home. I had a great experience with the Hospice Facility we used. They are not all bad. Robyn

Carleen: I read your post and I know from hearing your voice the other day how much pain you are in. I can't imagine what you are feeling or going through. As I said it does get easier but then again it was my father that passed away and not my husband. I am able to go to another house and not see every thing that reminds me of him on a daily basis. Even though it has only been a few weeks for me also, I hear a song, or watch a video or look at a picture and think of him and that makes me cry every time. It's weird how things work. Right after my dad died a cousin of my moms passed away the same day as your Aunt of cancer as well in Madison. I had only met her once and my mom couldn't bring herself to go the funeral. At our funeral the same thing happend, they put us right by the door and my brother felt very uncomfortable with that so we moved toward another area of the temple. Everyone would hug or say something and I didn't even know most of these people. There were also over 100 people there. Then we all had to walk in the temple in front of everyone watching us which was exactly like you said. I am here for you if you want to talk or just give each other support. Robyn

Carleen and I are both from Wisconsin. I don't post much but my dad passed away last week from Stage IV Lung Cancer. Carleen is what kept me going last week. I called her the other night after I read her post and I know she had just brought Keith home from the hospital. They have called hospice and told her he only had a few days to live. I have not wanted to bother her again and get an update but I know she knows how supportive this board is and hopefully she will read your messages. If I talk to her again I will post an update. Robyn

My dad was diagnosed with NSCLC this week. He had lung cancer 16 years ago and had his lung removed. The tumors never came back until now. He starts chemo on Tuesday. He will also have a MRI on the brain on Tuesday as well. I don't know what the success rate on chemo and NSCLC. Doesn't anyone else know? Robyn